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Lovable Little Scamp Can’t Resist Putting Election-Rigging Conspiracies in Writing

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Why won’t somebody cut young Donald Trump Jr. a break? He’s just a kid!

All children, except two, grow up: Peter Pan and Donald Trump Jr.

“He’s a good boy,” President Trump said of his scandal-engulfed son, in remarks that started off the record and then became on the record, apparently because he liked them so much. “He’s a good kid. And he had a meeting. Nothing happened.”

Here I was thinking that he was a 39-year-old man with children of his own, but I apologize for the error. I was wrong. He is still a very promising young man. (Most white men accused of wrongdoing mysteriously turn out to be promising, a vague quality that adheres the moment someone accuses you of sexual assault and does not vanish until the moment it is revealed that you were the Zodiac Killer. Sometimes not even then.) I owe him an apology for assuming that he was an adult capable of conducting himself through the world.

He is not.

He is still very, very young. Getting younger all the time. It’s even in his name. Junior.

It wasn’t just Dorian Gray, it turns out. Any promising young white man rich enough to theoretically afford a giant oil painting of himself gets to remain young and innocent forever, and none of his actions have any consequences, whether there is magic involved or not.

Petri is a major part of the Post‘s renaissance — repeatedly pulling of satire that is both meaningful and consistently funny is incredibly difficult, not to mention more than ever.

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