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The Script – Updated


An Orlando blood bank has put out a call for blood donors. Keep in mind that the FDA has updated the blood donor guidelines, so you may be able to donate even if you couldn’t in the past.

A day after Christina Grimmie was murdered, at least 20 50 people were killed during yet another gun rampage. If you’re now planning to spend the next couple of weeks in bed with your head under a pillow, I don’t blame you. Here’s what you’ll miss.

1. Speculation about the shooter and his motives.
1a. If Since the shooter was or could have conceivably been Muslim (i.e. not white), start the terrorism narrative.
1b. If the shooter was white, start the mental illness narrative Avoid connecting the mass murder to the ceaseless hate mongering of homo- and transphobic politicians and pundits.
2. Since the shooting took place in a gay nightclub, Broadcast News Funnel will ask various Christianists to stop molesting tomato bushes and come deafen the sound tech with their patented God’s wrath shriek.
2a. People who are actually concerned about anti-GLBTQ violence in the U.S. will be invited to try and outshout Christianist scum beings so both sides of the mass murder conundrum can be represented.
3. Gundamentalists will solemnly declare that if only more people in a crowded nightclub had been packing heat gibber flibber glorp and since the killer was licensed to own the weapons he used there’s no point in discussing gun control.
3a. It still won’t be legal to lock the Gundamentalists and the Christianists in a room and toss a hornets’ nest through the transom.
4. President Obama will give a speech.
4a. I imagine Clinton will say something as well.
4b. Holy fuck, Trump is going to weigh in too, isn’t he?

Maybe make it three weeks four months.

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