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Bulwer-Lytton Awards, Sportswriting Division

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Lots of competition in this category, I imagine, but this is a unique species of awful:

ANAHEIM, Calif., Aug. 20 — According to local legend, the cliff swallows are supposed to return every March 19 to the old stone church at Mission San Juan Capistrano.

One of the cliff swallows, obviously a stray, returned Aug. 20 to Angel Stadium.

Phil Hughes grew up 15 miles from here. He rode his bike to Angels games. He had a cliff swallow tattooed on his back as a tribute to the place where he was raised.

When Hughes took the mound for the Yankees on Monday night at Angel Stadium, he knelt down and pawed at the dirt. Finally, he and his swallow were home.

Fortunately, I’ve already had my breakfast of Xanax and Prilosec, or that would have befouled my day. I’m also thankful the Marlins play in the National League, so I never have to hear about the dolphin tattoo on the small of A-Rod’s back.

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