But I’ll bet Cambridge would have hired Ward Churchill

Shorter Jeff Jacoby:

My absurd hypothetical demonstrates that contemporary science is unremittingly hostile to 17th century alchemy.

Next week: Jacoby wonders why Pliny the Elder couldn’t get hired at MIT. Also: looking to have Lamarck’s Recherches sur l’Organisation des Corps Vivans taught in your high school? Think again, God-boy!