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In other sports news . . .

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. . . Scottie Pippen is looking to come out of retirement, for some reason. I don’t think I’ve cared about the NBA since . . . well, forever . . . so I don’t really have anything profound to offer here, but this part of the article stood out:

Miami’s Dwyane Wade also liked the idea of a comeback with the Heat.

“I’m already playing with (Gary) Payton and Shaq, two guys I used to play with on video games,” Wade said. “To add Scottie Pippen to the mix, that would be crazy.”

I suppose it would be kind of odd to actually play with/against someone you’d virtually played with/against at some point.

That’s all fine and good, but Wade’s got nothing on me. When I was a graduate student at the University of Minnesota, I “taught” the future professional wrestler Brock Lesnar. FERPA probably constrains me from writing in too much detail about the semester we spent together, but let’s just say I was less than impressed with Lesnar’s academic potential; his essay on Kant’s anthropology of race was likely not his finest work. Regardless, he won the NCAA heavyweight title that year, drawing (by the standards of college wrestling) enormous crowds to home meets, where he apparently had his way with all challengers. He was a massive human being.

Lesnar parlayed his amateur glory into a three-year run with World Wrestling Entertainment, during which time he evidently vaulted to the top of his profession, wrestling the likes of Hulk Hogan and The Rock on his way to becoming the youngest WWE champion in history. As I understand it, he was known for such moves as the “spinebuster,” the “scoop powerslam,” the “rear naked choke,” and something mysteriously known as “repeated turnbuckle thrusts.”

I, too, could have employed these moves had I only purchased a copy of WWE Smackdown! Here Comes the Pain. The subtitle to this game evidently refers to Lesnar’s “catch phrase,” which I must admit I never heard him use when he was enrolled in my cultural studies course.

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