Republican Constitutionalism

Fafnir generously offers us the founding myth now being proffered by a majority of the Republican Party, including at least one Justice of the United States Supreme Court. Now, if you’re the kind of liberal secularist heathen who reads this blog, you may wonder about why we should be bound by what some framers may have thought rather than by what they wrote (and, perhaps, why deist religious beliefs from the 1780s mysteriously end up being the same as the Republican Party platform of 2004.) “Why, that almost seems inconsistent with the rule of law, democracy, and all those other silly anachronisms,” you might be thinking. However, when you understand the too-often suppressed history of the founding it all makes sense:

Great Moments in History, 1787: God Writes the Constitution

“I believe in a nation of laws rigorously ordered according to the dictates of logic and reason,” says James Madison, “and I propose that each citizen be apportioned his vote based upon his balance of the four cardinal elements of earth, wind, water, and fire, to be measured in a census conducted by the Alchemist General.”
“Nonsense and poppycock!” says Alexander Hamilton. “Your antique notions have no place in the modern age, Madison! Votes should be weighted according to a man’s balance of true natural elements, aligned according to the periodic table. Thus a man whose essence is comprised primarily of phosphorpous receives half the legislative representation of a man whose spirit is made of zinc!”
“Gentlemen, gentlemen, please,” says God. “I believe I have the solution. You may call Me old-fashioned, but I believe the governing structure of this new law should be based firmly on the Biblical principles of a strong executive, an independent judiciary, a bicameral legislature with an upper and lower house, checks and balances, and a bill of rights to ensure the preservation of basic liberties.”
“That’s a great idea God!” says me. “I don’t know why we didn’t think it up ourselves!”

Then when nobody’s lookin Warren Burger an the ACLU show up an beat up God an steal his lunch money an that’s when slavery an stuff happens.

And now you know the real story!