Memo to people capable of rational thought: shut up!

Like the Iraq war but more so, the candidacy of Alan Keyes is a nice way to separate garden-variety hacks from the true virtuosos. Somewhat disappointingly, many reactionary pundits and bloggers recognize Alan Keyes’s candidacy for the colossal embarrassment that it is. Where can one turn? Why, to the American Spectator, of course. Now, I’m sure your first reaction, like mine, was “what the hell?The American Spectator is still publishing? Shouldn’t GOP seed money be spent on more useful endeavors, like shoring up George Bush’s support in rural Idaho?” But you can see its niche, which is “making arguments so stupid Jonah Goldberg wouldn’t touch them with a ten-foot clown pole.” The first is an argument which (amazingly) is completely correct, but has already been rejected by Mr. Keyes, a fact which goes unmentioned by the hack. Then, there’s a persuasive attack on those who think that Keyes’s inability to crack 30% in the polls might be a problem:

Second, let’s consider the claim that Keyes can’t win. As Greg Blankenship and Mike Van Winkle of Obamatruthsquad.com have pointed out, Barack Obama lost a congressional race a mere four years ago and rose to the top of this year’s Democratic primary heap only through the implosion of Blair Hull’s candidacy. While he burnished his reputation with a successful speech at the Democratic National Convention, he remains vulnerable to a strong campaign. Keyes is not forced to rely solely on his trademark weapon of verbal bombast in this race. Obama has a liberal record that can be exposed and repeatedly referenced. Giving up on this race is not the right thing to do. This seat belongs to a Republican in a state that has elected Republican office holders to statewide offices in the recent past. There is little reason to fly the white flag at the tail end of
summer.

Uh, care to make it interesting?

In fairness, it’s difficult for a man to think rationally when in the grip of near-lustful nostalgia:

I’ll never forget the night in Jacksonville, Florida, when my wife and I listened to Focus on the Family with James Dobson on the radio of my high mileage Honda Accord. Dobson excitedly announced he was going to play a tape of an impromptu speech given by Alan Keyes at a gathering of Republican presidential candidates. His tone caught our attention. During the half hour that followed, we heard Alan Keyes speak for the first time. His performance was electric, leaving me stunned by his talent and leading my wife to express an interest in politics for the first time, well, ever. Although I had an entry level job and my wife was in medical school leveraged to the hilt with student loans, we sent the 1996 Keyes campaign a check for $50 a few days later.

Hence doubling his total take for the year. In fairness, better giving the money to Alan Keyes than to James Dobson.

Who is this hack, might you ask?

Hunter Baker is a doctoral fellow at Baylor University.

I think you all saw that one coming…