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Dumber than Dersh

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The impeachment of Donald Trump has thrust Jay Sekulow, the dimwitted Zelig of the Neoconfederate legal movement, into the public spotlight. The results have been even more hilarious than you’d expect:

President Trump’s attorney Jay Sekulow flew into a rage Tuesday evening because he misheard a common legal phrase. Representative Val Demings, one of the House impeachment managers, said, “The president’s lawyers may suggest that the House should have sought — that this House should have sought these materials in court, or awaited further lawsuits under the Freedom of Information Act, a.k.a. FOIA lawsuits.” She repeated a phrase “FOIA lawsuits,” which — even though “FOIA” is a well-known term for lawyers and journalists, and even though she helpfully spelled out the acronym for her audience — struck Sekulow as unfamiliar.

Sekulow decided the word he had heard was “lawyer lawsuits.” He further decided that this phrase was a pejorative and launched a furious riff, denouncing her use of this heretofore novel term with a level of indignation that would be appropriate if she had used some kind of racial slur…

“And by the way — lawyer lawsuits?” he said. “Lawyer lawsuits? We’re talking about the impeachment of a president of the United States, duly elected, and the members — the managers are complaining about lawyer lawsuits? The Constitution allows lawyer lawsuits. It’s disrespecting the Constitution of the United States to even say that in this chamber — lawyer lawsuits.” Nobody had any idea what “lawyer lawsuits” was even supposed to mean — aren’t all lawsuits filed by lawyers anyway? — or why Sekulow was so enraged by having imagined hearing it.

Unbelievably, having been caught in this absurd and embarrassing error, the White House insisted Sekulow was correct. “When you read the transcript, it says ‘lawyer lawsuit,’” insisted White House legislative affairs director Eric Ueland. “It’s not clear to what transcript Ueland is referring,” reported the Washington Post, “but the Federal Document Clearing House transcript includes no references to ‘lawyer lawsuits’ besides Sekulow’s.”

THE CONSTITUTION PERMITS LAWYER LAWSUITS!

Even Terry Jones could never have conceived of such a thing, although people like this being in charge of the country he would always seem to have anticipated.

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