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At least the decline of America will make for good snark in future history books

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Sure, Donald Trump is manifestly unfit for office, an authoritarian by disposition, a serial sexual assaulter, suffering from obvious mental decline, and more trusting of the information he gets from FOX News—which he DVRs and watches for hours a day like a majority of other retired white guys—than the extensive intelligence clearinghouse that is the US government. But you can take comfort in knowing that he’s found a way to use your tax dollars—and a chunk of Washington, DC’s budget, which will not be reimbursed—to finally fulfill his dream of getting to be the center of attention at something as cool as a Parisian Bastille Day parade.

Plans by President Trump to reshape Washington’s Independence Day celebration now include an area in front of the Lincoln Memorial reserved for dignitaries, family and friends that will be accessible only through tickets distributed by the White House.

The VIP section will stretch roughly from the steps of the memorial to the midpoint of the reflecting pool, according to the U.S. Secret Service. It is in front of the spot from which Trump plans to address the nation as part of his rebranding of the traditional July 4 event into his own “Salute to America,” which includes moving the fireworks from the reflecting pool to two different sites, including West Potomac Park.

The revamped festivities will include additional fireworks, military bands and flyovers by Air Force One, the Blue Angels and aircraft from all branches of the military.

Bonus! Because diminished executive function is likely exacerbating problems associated with Trump’s temperamental impulsiveness, no one has a goddamn clue what’s going on.

However, some details — including how the VIP section will operate and how it will affect the access and sightline for the general viewing area — still are unclear.

Many people who have long-standing practices for how they get downtown, or where they position their boats for the best vantage points and ease of access, will need to make adjustments. Even travelers passing through the region’s skies will be affected, with all operations at Reagan National Airport suspended for up to an hour and 15 minutes on July 4, the FAA said late Friday.

Local and federal officials on Friday held a news conference to address security issues and deliver updates on the plans still unfurling just days before usually large crowds descend on the Mall from across the region and the country.

Just another reason that I’ll be spending the 4th of July at home, likely binge watching Stranger Things. Unless I can convince the spouse that Legends of Tomorrow really has gone from boring dreck to the the most awesomely ridiculous thing on television. Seriously, Abigail is totally right about this.

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