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A new theory about current events

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My new theory about current events is that I’ve all died and my afterlife is just an increasingly ridiculous version of the living world. To support my theory, I do not offer the fact that Michael Cohen once paid someone to try to rig polls in tRump’s favor and to set up a @WomenforCohen Twitter account. I offer the way Cohen paid the man — who is now the CIO for Liberty University — for these services:

In early 2015, a man who runs a small technology company showed up at Trump Tower to collect $50,000 for having helped Michael Cohen, then Donald Trump’s personal lawyer, try to rig online polls in his boss’s favor before the presidential campaign.

In his Trump Organization office, Mr. Cohen surprised the man, John Gauger, by giving him a blue Walmart bag containing between $12,000 and $13,000 in cash and, randomly, a boxing glove that Mr. Cohen said had been worn by a Brazilian mixed-martial arts fighter, Mr. Gauger said.

The good news is that apparently used MMA boxing gloves are worth a lot the afterlife.

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