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We Deserve Trump

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There’s plenty we could talk about this evening. The Republican health care “plan.” Muslim Ban 2: Racist Boogaloo. DHS Secretary Kelly talking about the Gestapo ICE splitting up parents from children when undocumented immigrants are caught. All kinds of fun times.

But we need to talk about something really important, an issue that demonstrates why this nation deserves Donald Trump. And that is Peeps filled Oreos. It’s a known objective fact that Peeps are the worst candy in human history. Sure, make an argument for those orange circus peanuts things if you want. But Peeps are utterly grotesque and probably what what you get when Sean Spicer dresses up at the Easter Bunny. I don’t really eat cookies, but if I was to eat a mass-produced major brand cookie, I might well eat an Oreo. Under normal circumstances, they aren’t hateable, even if the stuffing is scary unidentifiable material. So why would you fill it with a flavor that would actually be improved with a dose of ketchup? I recognize that industrial food manufacturers, like any other makers of consumer products, are constantly looking for new products. Sometimes even the craziest ideas, like the Dorito shell tacos, are big hits. So the issue here is not with Mondelez, the French-sounding name given to the megacorp that Nabisco became, even if that company is vile in their outsourcing labor practices. It’s with people who would see this and say, “I want Peeps-stuffed Oreos because I can’t get enough Peeps.” Who would say this? Trump voters, I assume. But at least they are getting their comeuppance:

Who would have thought the 21st Century would produce so many food items that turn people’s poop abnormal colors that the topic would require its own custom search tag on many an internet blog? Yet here we are. Barely a year after Burger King’s all black goth-burger had people shedding green turds and uploading the photo evidence to social media (NSFL), people are claiming the new Peep flavored Oreos are turning their poops pink.

This is the best possible result for this abomination. Certainly the experience of seeing your feces contaminated with colors never seen anywhere close to nature is a better fate than actually tasting this horror.

And now we see why we have elected a man who thinks that his shitty restaurant’s taco salad is a good way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and who eats his steak well-done and covered in ketchup is president of these United States.

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  • los

    there are mass-produced ginger snaps and chocolate chip cookies.

  • efgoldman

    a man who thinks that his shitty restaurant’s taco salad is a good way to celebrate Cinco de Mayo and who eats his steak well-done and covered in ketchup is president of these United States.

    If those were his worst offenses, it would actually be a relief.
    Unfortunately, they’re waaaayyyyyyyyyyyy down the list.

  • junker

    I love Peeps and I don’t care who knows it.

    • junker

      Typing this while eating a Peep coincidentally.

      • efgoldman

        Typing this while eating a Peep coincidentally.

        Last year’s rock hard leftovers, or new ones for this year?
        [I like them too. Loomis can go pound marshmallow]

        • AlanInSF

          I’m going to go out on a very short limb here and say Loomis has never actually eaten a Circus Peanut.

          • Circus peanuts are the worst. I haven’t had one in 50 years, but it makes my teeth sweat just to think of biting in to one.

            • helkamet

              They are as addictive as crack

            • it makes my teeth sweat just to think of biting in to one.

              I just want to say that’s an outstanding turn of phrase. :)

      • Dennis Orphen

        If you eat one more then it’s enemy action.

    • catbirdman

      Peep Oreos are AWESOME. Period. (I’m evidently not eating enough of them to experience their awesome after-effect.)

      • wjts

        There’s a bit in one of Roddy Doyle’s books (The Van, I think) where one character says to another something like, “You’ve not been to the pub for so long, your shite’s probably gone brown.” Along these lines, the best Bulwer-Lytton Contest entry I never submitted was, “Her hair was as soft and black as the morning after’s Guinness shits.”

        • cpinva

          “Her hair was as soft and black as the morning after’s Guinness shits.”

          submit it. if it doesn’t win, the contest is rigged! (he says, while laughing and typing!)

    • sigaba

      They’re good for testing your microwave.

    • eh

      I ate a bag of Candy Corn just last night. Out of season!

      • witlesschum

        Mmmmmm. Candy corn is wonderful, no matter the time of year.

        • Julia Grey

          I have to agree. Proper candy corn is made with honey, you know.

      • SeattleCyclist

        There is no candy corn season. Or expiration date. All candy corn was manufactured in 1935, and since only 3 people on earth actually eat this sugar-infused earwax, during the late autumn season when Americans switch from celebrating branded sugar and inferior poultry to ramping up for the high holidays of material consumption, the uneaten candy corn is painstakingly collected for (decorative) use next year.

        And Peeps are not food, they are a medium for artistic expression. Google “Seattle Times Peep Contest”. If you are going to eat art supplies, paste tastes better than Peeps….

        • njorl

          And Peeps are not food, they are a medium for artistic expression. Google “Seattle Times Peep Contest”. If you are going to eat art supplies, paste tastes better than Peeps….

          My wife is a big fan of peeps. Maybe I’ll take her to the local peep show.

    • dsidhe

      Ditto. I like them old and chewy, but also fresh and microwaved. But the Peeps Oreos were terrible, and Oreos are practically sacred in my family. It’s the red dye. I can’t handle red velvet cake, either. I’ll stick with Birthday Cake Oreos, thanks.

      Also, I like pineapple on my pizza sometimes.

      • Cheap Wino

        We shall meet on the playground before the bus comes and engage in fisticuffs.

        • dsidhe

          Cool. I’ll bring my Spam and Velveeta Quiche with Ritz Cracker Crust for afters.

          • ExpatChad

            Jesus! Call the exorcist. Quik!

      • FridayNext

        We try every new Oreo flavor at work. We judge the taste of the Peep Oreo acceptable and sweet, but not Peep flavored. The AFTERTASTE of Peep Oreo, however, was disgusting. No one reported their poop turning pink but it certainly stained our tongues. I think pink poop and tongues would be a net positive for kids.

        Swedish Fish Oreo’s were just 100% disgusting from first twist to final gorge rising.

        • Snarki, child of Loki

          “Swedish Fish Oreo’s”

          made from Lutefisk?

          “were just 100% disgusting”

          So ‘yes’, then.

          “from first twist to final gorge rising.”

          There’s only so much that can be done by adding sugar, I guess.

      • UnderTheSun

        What is it with Oreos? They taste of nothing just like most American beer.

        • dsidhe

          My grandmother’s job on the Oreo line at Nabisco raised her quite large family out of poverty. We like Oreos.

      • Julia Grey

        I have the same problem with red dye. Shatteringly bitter, ugly aftertaste just will not go away.

        Apparently most people can’t taste what I do. Then again I’m weird — I don’t like melons of any sort, which seem to be nearly universally loved.

    • Darkrose

      …I kind of like Peeps too. Especially the bunny ones, where I can pull of their heads .

      • efgoldman

        Especially the bunny ones, where I can pull of their heads

        You ALWAYS scarf the ears, then the head, of ANY bunny-shaped candy. ALWAYS.

        • Come on, man; feet and tail before head.

          • efgoldman

            Come on, man; feet and tail before head.

            Never, ever.

            • Snarki, child of Loki

              You guys take your theological disputes OUTSIDE!

              Sheesh. Next you’re going to be debating which end of an egg to open.

        • dsidhe

          Chick Peeps are more aesthetically pleasing, but bunny Peeps are more fun to eat. If you bite the ears off first, the head is a perfect circle and your teeth sever it nicely at the neck.

          I also like the Halloween pumpkin Peeps.

          • Karen24

            THe highest and best use of the pumpkin Peeps is as declaration on cupcakes. I used several dozen over the years my kids were in daycare and elementary school.

            • rea

              “I do declare! There’s a pumpkin peep on my cupcake!”

      • Abbey Bartlet

        Whenever I go to Dylan’s I get a couple of giant gummi frogs, just so I can bite their heads off and feel like I’m slaying Pepe.

        • cpinva

          it seems like giant gummi frogs would make a wonderful trailer on a buzz lure. hey, let’s face it, fish aren’t awfully bright.

    • Brett

      I love them too. First Ketchup, now Peeps Erik?!!!

      The best ones are the plain yellow sugar ones you get at Easter.

  • Q.E.Dumbass

    1. No, candy corn is the worst candy in human history.

    2. What is your position on the neoliberal perfidy that dares to call itself American cheese?

    • efgoldman

      candy corn is the worst candy in human history.

      More for me!
      Especially the choco-flavored ones.

    • LeeEsq

      1. Its not the best but candy corn is not a bad candy.

      2. I have no idea what you are talking about.

    • wjts

      Candy corn is pretty good. American cheese is good for burgers, grilled cheese sandwiches, and breakfast sandwiches but not much else.

      • John Revolta

        I find I prefer the American cheese if I leave it in the individual plastic wrappers. Chewy!

        • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

          More vitamins and nutrients, too.

          • John Revolta

            I just got used to ’em that way. Didn’t find out that those things came off until I was 35.

            Mom wasn’t much of a cook.

            • los

              You would blame it on your mum, you cheesey processist.

      • Julia Grey

        Bang on.

    • Origami Isopod

      Candy corn isn’t as awful as NECCO Wafers, a/k/a little discs of Milk of Magnesia and sadness.

      • Q.E.Dumbass

        There are candies worse than candy corn, but their names escaped me at the moment (and some of them still do).

        • Abbey Bartlet

          Bits O’Honey. Bit O’Honeys?

          • Cheap Wino

            If I had titanium teeth I would love Bit’O’Honey. In another cruel evolutionary joke, I do not.

            • Redwood Rhiadra

              I actually lost a tooth to Bit-of-Honey. Cracked it straight in half.

              (Not a candy I normally eat – it was Rosh Hashanah and all the kids were given apples and Bit-of-Honey).

      • efgoldman

        Candy corn isn’t as awful as NECCO Wafers, a/k/a little discs of Milk of Magnesia and sadness.

        You left your taste in the trunk of your car.

      • BigHank53

        Interesting bit of trivia about NECCO wafers: Admiral Byrd took 5,000 pounds of them with him to Antarctica. The reasoning was that (a) since they’re mostly sugar they’re pretty much solid energy, and (b) they’re indestructible.

      • N__B

        little discs of Milk of Magnesia and sadness.

        You say that like it’s a bad thing.

      • Darkrose

        Those things are so awful. When I lived in Boston, I often went to the Cambridgeside Galleria. The nearest T stop was right by the Necco factory. Just the smell made me nauseous.

        • Origami Isopod

          I’ve walked down the street in the general MIT area where the factory used to be, and I had the same reaction. It’s foul.

      • NECCO Wafers, a/k/a little discs of Milk of Magnesia and sadness

        and piezoelectric effects.

    • Abbey Bartlet

      Candy corn is delightful and delicious.

    • cpinva

      “2. What is your position on the neoliberal perfidy that dares to call itself American cheese?”

      better living through chemistry.

      • Q.E.Dumbass

        YOU SUCK

  • los

    I missed the initial “confectionery news”, but I think Baghdad Spice got into a “viral spat” with “dip n dots” a few years ago.

    https://twitter.com/search?f=tweets&q=Dots+Spicer+OR+Spicerfacts

  • Dr. Ronnie James, DO

    Oh, come on. Everyone knows history’s worst “candy” abomination will forever be “white ‘chocolate'”

    • Q.E.Dumbass

      nope

    • LeeEsq

      Your lost to me.

    • Origami Isopod

      I don’t get the hate for white chocolate. It’s bland, but it’s not utterly vile.

    • los

      https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/White_chocolate#Composition
      Contains some cocoa flavors. It might be thought of as Extreme Milk Chocolate.

    • rea

      Oh, come on now! None of these things come anywhere near the worst confectionery ever!

    • anapestic

      For many years, I held an antipathy to white chocolate, based largely on the grounds that a) it isn’t really chocolate, and b) why would you bother when there’s dark chocolate around.

      However, white chocolate does have a fair amount of utility in a number of recipes where you want the cocoa butter but you don’t need the cocoa solids.

      Also, if you have never tried Callebaut white chocolate chunks, I think you should. They might convert you, even eaten straight up. Many other brands, of course, are truly execrable.

      Still, worse than Peeps? Come now. Peeps (and, indeed candy corn) are nothing but various forms of sugar with just enough chemicals added to make the texture and color clearly unnatural. At least marshmallows are good in hot chocolate, and if you make your own toasted coconut marshmallows, they’re pretty good on their own.

      • veleda_k

        I don’t care how much of a trendy treat it becomes, dark chocolate will always taste like bitterness and despair.

    • Caepan

      White chocolate Reese’s Peanut Butter Cups are the height of Western Civilization.

      Pretty much everything after their creation has been downhill ever since.

      QED, you reverse chocolate haterz!

  • N__B

    Obligatory peep show.

    • My children’s elementary school used to have an activity where the children used peeps to make puns/dolls/images/dioramas out of peeps. Every year there would be astonishingly brilliant visual puns using the peeps. I wish now I had taken pictures of what they did. Since these were little kids they were generally not obscene, but they were often amazingly funny.

    • ForkyMcSpoon

      Disappointed it wasn’t this.

  • LeeEsq

    I have ate a peep in my life. Not even the most morbid curiosity, the type that leads me to watch Food Paradise on the Travel Network when I’m doing chores on Sunday afternoon, will make me eat a peep.

    • Vance Maverick

      Either you need to add “again”, or the opening was more garbled than I thought.

    • N__B

      Shall I part cotton candy? Do I dare to eat a peep?
      I shall wear white flannel trousers, and swim upon the deep.
      I have heard Keebler elves singing, spring to neap.

      • John Revolta

        Have a care, bear. (See below)

      • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

        Worst haiku ever.

  • veleda_k

    Erik Loomis: Come for the labor history, stay for the food rage.

  • Happy Jack

    Dorito shell taco? That sounds almost as delicious as a Beefy Frito Burrito.

  • Abbey Bartlet

    My British ex: What the fuck is that
    Me: Peeps!
    MBE: They look incredibly disgusting.
    Me: Yes. They are. I shall eat the entire box.

    • efgoldman

      I shall eat the entire box.

      I’d ask you to marry me, but mrs efg might object.

  • wjts

    They’re kind of gross, but I don’t know that they’re worse than Whoppers, black jelly beans, or Necco wafers.

    • tsam

      Nothing is worse than black licorice. It’s very existence is offensive.

      • los

        The cheap stuff tastes like sweetened gelatin.

        Try some real licorice, with less sugar and more licorice flavor. The candy should have a slight peppery “bite”, if the flavor is strong enough.
        The last I ate was IIRC Swiss, bought in an outlet store.
        There’s an AU co that makes a less-filtered licorice candy. It’s good, though its flavor is only slightly different.

      • David Allan Poe

        What the fuck did you just fucking say about me, you little bitch? I’ll have you know I graduated top of my class in the Navy Seals, and I’ve been involved in numerous secret raids on Al-Quaeda, and I have over 300 confirmed kills. I am trained in gorilla warfare and I’m the top sniper in the entire US armed forces. You are nothing to me but just another target. I will wipe you the fuck out with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my fucking words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the Internet? Think again, fucker. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of spies across the USA and your IP is being traced right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your life. You’re fucking dead, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kill you in over seven hundred ways, and that’s just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in unarmed combat, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the United States Marine Corps and I will use it to its full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of the continent, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little “clever” comment was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your fucking tongue. But you couldn’t, you didn’t, and now you’re paying the price, you goddamn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You’re fucking dead, kiddo.

        • efgoldman

          Plagiarism!
          Hulk SMASH will be along to crush you.

        • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

          You forgot the smiley-face emoji at the end.

        • los

          I’m glad you’re on our side, and never joined the Peeple’s Jingle Liberation Army.

    • junker

      My dad has a nostalgic love for neco wafers going back to when they cost a penny when he was a kid. Horrible.

      • los

        Mmm, Necro Wafers. Soylent Waif, mmm.

        • efgoldman

          Mmm, Necro Wafers. Soylent Waif, mmm.

          Plus, the original factory building is still standing, between MIT and the Charles River.

          • geep9

            It’s hard to be between MIT and the river! Up the street masquerading as Novartis?

            • efgoldman

              Up the street masquerading as Novartis?

              The very same

          • I hate necco wafers, but I loved the smell of that old factory. Or that ol factory.

            • efgoldman

              I loved the smell of that old factory.

              Once upon a time, Cambridge, Charlestown, Everett and Somerville were full of candy factories.
              That they were often right next to paint factories didn’t seem to bother anybody.
              If you started at Lechmere Square (Deran’s) you could follow the smell right up McGrath Highway to Charlestown (Schrafft’s) and beyond.
              My cousin worked in the office at Deran’s, and she had to have a seperate closet for her work clothes, because the smell never came out.

              • JustRuss

                Necco Wafers! Now with Extra Lead!!!

                That…explains a lot, actually.

      • eh

        It’s Depression candy.

        • John Revolta

          Oh sure, blame Roosevelt. Listen, 3 Musketeers came out in the ’30s and that was some serious shit. You got three separate pieces, all different flavors, and each one could feed a family of five for several days. Necco wafers just. weren’t. trying.

          • efgoldman

            You got three separate pieces, all different flavors, and each one could feed a family of five for several days.

            I never knew that. As far as I knew it was always
            one flavor.
            In recent years some M&M/Mars products have been reborn under new names. “Milky Way Dark” (a Milky way with dark instead of milk chocolate) used to be “Forever Yours”, and “Milky Way Almond” used to be the “Mars Bar.”

            • John Revolta

              Fine products, both of ’em.

              • efgoldman

                Fine products, both of ’em

                Yup, although the standard Milky Way was my mom’s candy bar of choice.

    • Whoppers are excellent.

      I got fancy chocolate malt balls at Fresh Markup. Too … much … chocolate. Yes it is possible. Ruined the ratio of choc to malt.

      • Cheap Wino

        Ideal chocolate to malt ratio:

        chocolate 100%/malt 0%

    • Why would you say that about whoppers?
      That’s hurtful.

      • veleda_k

        I don’t dislike the taste of whoppers, but the texture is terrible to me. I can’t stand the feel of the malt on my teeth.

  • I saw the Peeps Oreos last night & almost picked up for my ex, because she is crazy enough to like them (huge Peeps fan). Then I remembered I don’t like (hate?) her that much.

    • los

      I’ve never seen Peeps, though I saw the name on the web… (a few years ago?)
      I assumed Peeps were something like hostess twinkie version of candy, “available exclusively at walmart”

      • los

        perfect floor scattering , like rose petals, around the easterbunny creche?

  • John Revolta

    Do I dare to eat a Peep?

    • wjts

      This is indeed a disturbéd universe, so go ahead, I guess.

      • los

        Biting the heads offa peeps. The first of the Baaad Horsemen. End times.

    • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

      I’ll have my peeps talk to your peeps.

  • PohranicniStraze

    Why the peep hate? They’re just amusingly-shaped marshmallows. I don’t care for them, but I keep them around for bribing my boys to clean up their toys.

    Circus peanuts, however, are Satan’s own turds.

    • los

      Oh Mowelded Rowald McDoughald, deliver us

      • los

        (Mowelded Rowald McDoughNald)

  • synykyl

    I don’t care for Peeps, but I do like most of the other of the candies you guys think are disgusting. (Necco Wafers, black jelly beans, black licorice, and Whoppers. Candy corn and circus peanuts too, but only in smaller doses)

    • Snuff curry

      I hate that we’ve had to resort to “black licorice,” though. If it’s not anise-y, it’s not licorice. The banana circus peanuts are genuinely pleasant.

      I’m partial to Violet Crumbles, Mary Janes, Bendicks, and anything Arnott’s. And those smoked salt Vosges. And pear drops of any persuasion. And anything flavored like “cookie butter,” lard help me.

    • Julia Grey

      I too love(d) Necco wafers, especially the “chocolate” ones. Didn’t know they were still out there — haven’t had any since I was about 12.

  • efgoldman

    The Vermont Country Store (slogan: “America’s most overpriced ‘rustic’ store”) sells all kinds of candies by the pound, that I thought weren’t made any more.

    • John Revolta

      That toffee stuff they sell is not to be denied though

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      Do they have walnettos?

  • Abbey Bartlet
  • los

    Candy panties win the internets…

  • petemack

    You must hate red beets–blood color is seriously scary in poop.

    • los

      It looks like vampire poo (Though I have never seen vampire poo. Really. True. I swear. Never.)

    • eh

      Ever eaten too many Red Vines?

    • If it’s cancer blood in your stool it’ll be a lot darker than reg’lar reddish blood.

    • Darkrose

      I love red velvet cake. Inevitably, though, the day after eating it, I’ll go to the bathroom and freak out before I remember, no, it was just the cake.

    • Origami Isopod

      In b4 The Black Guinness Shits.

  • los

    Loomis, op:

    Dorito shell tacos

    Jamaican-style jalapeno Sriracha salami fondue?
    Pineapple Playdoh cocktail sauce?
    (I could be worth millions)

    • Dr. Acula

      Guy Fieri already has that market cornered.

      • Snuff curry

        His donkey sauce gladly accepts all dipping implements, god love him.

        • I get a cheap thrill when I walk the dog past his now shuttered Johnny Garlics.

          • Darkrose

            You in Sacramento?

            • Santa Rosa

              • Snuff curry

                Commiserations

                • Dr. Acula

                  I can think of worse places to be, like, say, Bakersfield, Ridgecrest or Victorville.

              • Darkrose

                Oh lord, he has one there too?

        • Dr. Acula

          I find it funny that he ripped off Arby’s, of all places, to come up with that name.

  • Cheap Wino

    Enough of all the opinions alternate facts in this thread. Historians, theoretical physicists, anthropologists, chemists, mathematicians, a different kind of mathematicians, brain surgeons, rocket scientists, Nobel laureates, Rhodes scholars, have all come to the consensus that Erik is correct. “It’s a known objective fact that Peeps are the worst candy in human history.”

    Surely Peeps Oreos portends the rise of Hydrox!

  • NewishLawyer

    Why would anyone have Peeps when they can have Hammentaschen?

    Also I see your peeps and raise you chocolate covered Matzah.

    • Abbey Bartlet

      Cunterpoint: Cadbury Creme Eggs >>>>>> Pesach macaroons.

      • Origami Isopod

        That’s an interesting typo. Or autocorrect.

        “Better than Passover macaroons” is an extremely low bar to clear. Better than any kind of Passover sweets, actually, other than jellied fruit or sweet kugel. I liked Cadbury Creme Eggs as a kid, but I find them sickeningly sweet as an adult.

        • Abbey Bartlet

          Typo.

          I think that post was right around the time I was screaming about Bibi and Bernie on twitter…

  • The Great God Pan

    Peep Oreos are a harmless seasonal novelty, of no more concern than the turkey-and-gravy flavored Jones Soda from a few years back. Life goes on.

    At least chocolate and marshmallow makes sense as a combination. There have been weirder novelty Oreo flavors.

    The worst candy in history is Scandinavia’s fucking vile salted black licorice, and if Oreo ever makes a salted licorice variety it will be time for nuclear armgeddon.

    • efgoldman

      The worst candy in history is Scandinavia’s fucking vile salted black licorice

      Is that what you eat for dessert after lutefisk?

      • LNM_in_LA

        As one of the letters in my handle denotes a Scanda-hoovian background, and I had a mother who during my childhood tried her damnedest to keep us connected with our food ‘heritage’, all I can say is that the mere mention of the l-word causes me extreme nausea. I’m ‘meh’ on the salted licorice, but salted caramel truffle is the bomb.
        And I will always go for a stale circus peanut. Yumm!

  • David Allan Poe

    Mass produced Peeps I have never cared for since I ate one on the school bus in first grade and got royally chewed out and forced to spit it out by the bus driver, in front of everyone, for my crime.

    The Grand Marnier-flavored Peeps that I made from scratch for Easter brunch one year, though, were delicious.

    The worst candy is obviously those strawberry things with the gooey center that come in shitty gift baskets full of bad summer sausage and smoked cheese product.

    • Dennis Orphen

      The Grand Marnier-flavored Peeps that I made from scratch

      Peeps Suzette?

      • Snuff curry

        A step up from wiener-flavored martini

  • ForkyMcSpoon

    I’ve only ever had one Peep (my parents never bought them for us as kids). It wasn’t good, hence why I have yet to have another. But it wasn’t horrible either. We also microwaved another Peep.

    Candy corn and licorice are awful. Bit-O-Honey is crap. Circus peanuts are worse than Peeps.

  • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

    Surprised no one has mentioned Twinkies yet.

    The “dessert” that came back from the dead. Some would say like the monster in horror movies.

    I once convinced a group of people that Twinkies were not made from anything which had ever been alive.

    • efgoldman

      I once convinced a group of people that Twinkies were not made from anything which had ever been alive.

      I don’t think they contain a single naturally-occurring molecule.

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        “I don’t think they contain a single naturally-occurring molecule.”

        Extra good with Technetium sprinkles!

    • John Revolta

      The death and rebirth of Twinkies basically was driven by a (successful) attempt to break a union. I’ll leave it to Loomis to tell the tale some time perhaps.

    • Twinkies are delicious, though. And their shelf stability is greatly overstated — you can definitely tell the difference between a fresh and a stale Twinkie.

      • veleda_k

        I have a soft spot for twinkies. I love them the same way I love canned green beans. They taste distinctly unnatural, but it’s an unnaturalness that I like.

  • e.a.foster

    even if you shit pink or green most people except those who voted for him deserve Trump as President, come to think of it a lot of people who voted for Trump don’t deserve him either. he promised to make their lives better and get them jobs. All they’re going to do is get shit upon by Trump in whatever colour babies are shitting these days.

  • Brett

    Peeps are delicious. The worst candy ever is a tie between Milk Duds and Black Licorice – the Lords of the Vile Aftertaste.

  • JR in WV

    I don’t hate peeps, I barely recall what they taste like. I wouldn’t pay for one on a bet. Oreos are good if that’s all you have.

    Necco Wafers are terrible, unless you are starving, literally need raw calories to survive.

    Other terrible old things: Clove Chewing Gum. Red Licorice. I don’t despise “Circus peanuts” – but one will last me for a year. Peanut brittle. Bit o Honey is OK, except for its tendency to destroy dental work installed at the cost of large amounts of funding and some pain.

    We started buying all our bread and baked goods at a locally owned and operated bakery. They provide a “trail mix cookie” at 13 for $5. We eat one each for breakfast, they are just enough cookie dough to hold together the nuts seeds and raisins. The bread is like homemade by your grandma who was the best at making baked goods.

    Charleston Bakery, started by a lawyer who ran the Environmental Quality Board as long as she could stand to lose enviro battles to the companies with the worst environmental records. Now she lives the dream, making people’s lives better with her won work.

    Rolls not quite that good, my Grandma made yeast rolls with the dough folded around a dab of butter – to die for, the one thing she made I never figured out before it was too late.

    Arguing which is the best and worst of mass-produced evil is so silly, you guys should be fighting over which is the best of the best mankind has to offer!

    • Origami Isopod

      Clove chewing gum actually sounds tasty.

      Peanut brittle and Bit O’Honey would be fine if I didn’t want to keep my teeth. Same with Charleston Chews.

  • Peeps are bad, but that’s because they’re marshmallows, and marshmallows are bad. There’s too many sugary treats available in the world to waste time and calories eating confections that are literally just sugar-flavored.

  • Scott P.

    Circus peanuts are the best candy, period. But, like Ambrosia, they are too divine for most mortals to bear.

  • ThresherK (KadeKo)

    Is Peeps Egg Nog back from 2016?

  • DrDick

    Actually, knowing what my sister and niece in Oklahoma eat, I am pretty sure that this will be a big hit down there.

  • anapestic

    As far as I can tell, the only valid use for Peeps is to enter the annual WaPo Peeps Diorama Contest.

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/lifestyle/magazine/peeps/?utm_term=.dbaf1b3bde26

  • UnderTheSun

    And that is Peeps filled Oreos.

    That’s about as rational a reason as “it’s Putin who did it”, now that ex-DNI Clapper is saying he’s not aware of any evidence to justify that claim. As the most senior person in the intelligence community at the time the claims were made, you’d think he would be made aware of any evidence which suggests that the Russians stole the election for Trump. And if he wasn’t, you’d have to ask just why upwards of $55 billion is spent on the IC if it’s that useless, so useless that it’s been caught stealing malware from other countries like the Russian Federation as Wikileaks has just revealed.

    WikiLeaks tweeted the leak, which it claims came from a network inside the CIA’s Center for Cyber Intelligence in Langley, Virginia.

    Among the key topical revelations is that the CIA can engage in “false flag” cyberattacks which portray Russia as the assailant. Discussing the CIA’s Remote Devices Branch’s UMBRAGE group, Wikileaks’ source notes that it “collects and maintains a substantial library of attack techniques ‘stolen’ from malware produced in other states including the Russian Federation.

    “With UMBRAGE and related projects the CIA cannot only increase its total number of attack types but also misdirect attribution by leaving behind the “fingerprints” of the groups that the attack techniques were stolen from. UMBRAGE components cover keyloggers, password collection, webcam capture, data destruction, persistence, privilege escalation, stealth, anti-virus (PSP) avoidance and survey techniques.”
    As Kim Dotcom summarizes this finding, “CIA uses techniques to make cyber attacks look like they originated from enemy state. It turns DNC/Russia hack allegation by CIA into a JOKE”

    Is someone now going to claim that the Russian hacked the CIA to supply this information to Wikileaks? Of course.

    • njorl

      Probably not on this thread.

  • swkellogg

    You’re supposed to EAT Peeps?

    Uh oh, that explains it.

  • Aaron Morrow

    Speaking of multi-hued excrement, Shamrock Shakes are back, if anyone else is interested.

  • Julia Grey

    Not a peeps fan. Plain marshmallows are okay, better than okay when campfired, but that peep “crust” is just goose-bumpy. And as I grow older I am more and more wary of artificially colored foods, because increasingly they tend to taste odd to me these days.

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