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The Cubs Must Not Win (VII)

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When last the Cubs won the World Series, House Saxe-Coburg-Gotha ruled vast swaths of the world.

Wappen Sachsen Coburg Gotha.png

Like several other major European dynasties, the earliest recorded history of the House of Wettin is found in the tenth century. Through conquest, the family took control of Castle Wettin, and took its name for the dynasty. The family would proceed to control substantial parts of Germany and Poland over the next thousand years, and to provide a pair of kings for Poland, as well as prince consorts for Portugal and the United Kingdom, and kings for Belgium and Bulgaria. Most of these came through a cadet branch of House Wettin named Saxe-Coburg Gotha, founded in 1826 by Duke Ernest of Saxe-Coburg-Saalfeld, one of the Saxon Duchies.

House Saxe-Coburg Gotha achieved the throne of the United Kingdom through the marriage of Prince Albert of Saxe-Coburg Saalfeld and Princess (later Queen) Victoria of House Hannover. Despite Albert’s death at a relatively young age, he and Victoria spawned nine children, including the future King Edward VII. Upon the death of Queen Victoria, Edward became the first British monarch of House Saxe-Coburg and Gotha.

During World War I, King George V of House Saxe-Coburg-Gotha renamed his dynasty “Windsor” for obscure reasons relating to wartime propaganda. In the wake of the war, King George ruled (through direct imperial control, as well as through a variety of local governments) over a vast swath of the globe, including service as the Emperor of India. George V was succeeded briefly in 1936 by his son Edward VIII, then by his other son George VI, and finally by his granddaughter Elizabeth II.

thebritishempiregloriousandundefeateduntiltheyweremany_8165e184303a568233eb0df70faae001Across the 20th second half of the 20th century, despite leading a country that had prevailed in two major wars, House Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (Windsor) has steadily lost control over the greater portion of its territories. Ireland, under the control of Great Britain in some form since the 12th century, escaped Sage-Coburg-Gotha (Windsor) in stages, beginning in 1922. The heaviest blows came in the immediate wake of World War II, when a number of dominions (including India and Pakistan) gained independence and renounced the monarchy.

Queen Elizabeth II March 2015.jpgToday, House Saxe-Coburg-Gotha (Windsor) rules a fraction of its former territories.  The titular head, Queen Elizabeth II, reigns over a small, rainy island to the northwest of the European peninsula, and retains a ceremonial role over several other dominions. Reportedly, the Queen’s executive power is tightly constrained by legislative bodies within her various territories, as well as by formal legal commitments to supranational institutions. In recent times, restive Scots have threatened to destroy the political unity of the island of Great Britain itself.

 

Reigns of Elizabeth II

Australia 1952–present
Canada 1952–present
New Zealand 1952–present
Pakistan 1952–1956
South Africa 1952–1961
Ceylon 1952–1972
Ghana 1957–1960
Nigeria 1960–1963
Sierra Leone 1961–1971
Tanganyika 1961–1962
Jamaica 1962–present
Trinidad and Tobago 1962–1976
Uganda 1962–1963
Kenya 1963–1964
Malawi 1964–1966
Malta 1964–1974
The Gambia 1965–1970
Guyana 1966–1970
Barbados 1966–present
Mauritius 1968–1992
Fiji 1970–1987
The Bahamas 1973–present
Grenada 1974–present
Papua New Guinea 1975–present
Solomon Islands 1978–present
Tuvalu 1978–present
St. Lucia 1979–present
1979–present
Belize 1981–present
Antigua and Barbuda 1981–present
St. Kitts and Nevis 1983–present

Prospects for a restoration appear grim. Although Elizabeth herself remains popular around the world, people seem to think her son Charles is “old” and “sketchy.” Elizabeth’s grandson William is better liked, but republican sentiment in many of the dominions continues to grow. More importantly, grassroots support for restoration of the monarchy in most former dominions appears low, if not completely non-existent.

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  • LWA

    However, chaos and instability in the former American colonies resulting from a Trump victory could dramatically affect the popular desire for a restoration.

    I for one, welcome our Saxe-Coburg-Gotha overlords!

  • Thom

    Ha, called this one.

    • (((max)))

      Given that the others were all dethroned dynasties, I was really thinking all he had left was the Qajaris of Iran, but sadly, he went with this.

      max
      [‘Go Cubs.’]

  • Karen24

    Considering that the Cubs had less of a chance of winning the series than Trump has of winning the election, the Cubs must lose soundly, by more than ten runs.

    • djw

      I’m really not a superstitious person most of the time, but if the Cubs win I will be marginally more worried about Tuesday.

      • Karen24

        I’m not sure I have any margin for worry left, but the Cubs winning will add to my freakout factor.

    • CrunchyFrog

      You mean according to Nate Silver. He’s a very nice person and his media presence really helped people calm the waves in 2008 and 2012. And he had a great prediction with the 2008 Devil Rays. But in terms of both baseball and elections there are a lot better and more accurate models than Silver’s.

      • West of the Cascades

        And this year Nate’s site seems to be mostly aiming for more page clicks and the chance to seem edgy (compared to the half-dozen other modelers out there who seem to agree there’s still an 85% to 99% chance a Democratic candidate will be elected President in six days).

        • CrunchyFrog

          I wouldn’t ascribe that motivation to him. He had Obama at 75% in 2008 when Wang had him at 99+%. Silver has an interesting statistical model. He made his name doing baseball statistics. Baseball has a lot of randomness – a solidly hit ball can go for an out, a weakly hit ball can fall for double. To compensate he built complex models with a lot of uncertainty and adopted a simulation system. This worked great when, as I noted, he predicted that Tampa Bay would win the division in 2008 – few other forecasters saw that coming. However, his methods are less applicable to polling. He has a kitchen sink approach, including every poll or data point he can find with a weighting factor, and treats every variable as being partly dependent on every other variable. Thus, a big shift in the polling for a clearly decided state, like Oklahoma, can shift the probability for other states because in his model everything affects everything else. To be honest, that’s silly.

          • West of the Cascades

            I think I’m reacting as much to the commentary on that site – like the “On a Scale of 1 to 10 How Much Should Democrats Panic” roundtable that they had yesterday and various other (to my eye) clickbaitey analyses. Sam Wang and the NYT Upshot have been more sober in their analysis.

    • jpgray

      Let’s be real. If it’s about ending unfortunate streaks – we’ve had wall-to-wall dudes, and that sorry 227 year streak of being down and out ends Tuesday. Y chromosome ain’t got shit – let’s get it!

      • Karen24

        I understand Clinton is a Cubs fan, so there’s that.

        • rhino

          Then she must be smiling at the moment…

          • rhino

            And pulling the cotton out of the seat cushion as of now.

  • Prospects for a restoration appear grim. Although Elizabeth herself remains popular around the world, people seem to think her son Charles is “old” and “sketchy.” Elizabeth’s grandson William is better liked, but republican sentiment in many of the dominions continues to grow.

    Even if a restoration is in order, if it happened after Elizabeth’s death, it wouldn’t be the House of Saxe-Coburg-Gotha ruling, it would be the House of Schleswig-Holstein-Sonderburg-Glücksburg.

  • petesh

    Shirley, you missed Her Maj’s reign over the UK of GB & NI? And let us not forget her claim to the Duchy of Normandy, and with it the loyal subjects of the Channel Islands.

    • dmsilev

      And let us not forget her claim to the Duchy of Normandy,

      Not asserting that claim in June or July of 1944 seems like a real missed opportunity. I mean, it was conquered fair and square.

    • Linnaeus

      IIRC, the English crown relinquished its claim to the Duchy of Normandy several hundred years ago.

      • Peterr

        Give it another 40 years, and the British will celebrate the Millennial anniversary of the Battle of Hastings with a William on the throne once more.

  • aoeu

    How about them Mets? Eh?

  • Captain Oblivious

    Canada and Oz are still a pretty good chunk of the world’s land mass.

    a small, rainy island to the northwest of the European peninsula

    Still one of the greatest lyrics of all time:

    It the sun don’t come you get a tan from standing in the English rain

    • Dave Empey

      Yabbut QEII doesn’t really “rule” them, does she?

      • Rudolph Schnaubelt

        It is her face on the currency.

  • CrunchyFrog

    I would not be watching TV were it not for game 7 of the series. But since I am watching I can tell you that the Trumpholes are carpet bombing Colorado with TV ads right now.

    • CrunchyFrog

      First Hillary ad. My God her team is professional. Any woman who watched that and votes for Trump is utterly brainwashed.

    • Karen24

      I read that both campaigns bought ads for Game 7. My sympathies to you.

      Glad that the Clinton ad was good, though.

      • Richard Hershberger

        One word: Radio. Baseball works great on radio, and you can subscribe to MLB Gameday Audio for under twenty bucks a season. I am currently listening to the Cleveland feed. No political ads whatsoever, though I have been hearing about a gazillion times a dumb ad for a home medical thermometer.

    • Colin Day

      That seems to be Trump’s approach.

  • bexley

    So could someone explain to this Londoner why people don’t view the Cubs as lovable underdogs underbears or something? When I found out they hadn’t won the World Series in over a century my first thought that obviously they should be the team a neutral should support.

    • (((Malaclypse)))

      Honestly, I’m hoping that the sportsball corporation with the nakedly racist logo loses.

      • West of the Cascades

        Sort of appropriate that the preferred team of the non-racist Presidential candidate has the non-racist logo.

        • Linnaeus

          The non-racist presidential candidate also happens to hail from the city represented by the team with the non-racist logo.

    • Thom

      I think you are right–that is how most of us view the Cubs.

    • Linnaeus

      And you are obviously correct.

      Though the fact that the Indians are also a divisional rival to my preferred team is also a factor in my preference for the Cubs in the World Series this year.

      • wjts

        Speaking as a Sox fan, I am hoping against hope for a Tribe win.

        • Linnaeus

          That’s a special case.

        • Colin Day

          Which Sox?

          • wjts

            White for preference, but Red’s OK too.

    • rea

      Cubs win? Fire and brimstone coming down from the skies! Rivers and seas boiling! Forty years of darkness! Earthquakes, volcanoes…The dead rising from the grave! Human sacrifice, dogs and cats living together… mass hysteria!

      • vic rattlehead

        Are Cleveland baseball fans more democratic or republican? If the former, I want Cleveland to win. If the latter, I want crushing defeat.

    • CrunchyFrog

      As a Cub fan let me tell you that when they emerged from a long hibernation in 1984 and actually came close to getting to the world series just about *everyone* loved the Cubs. And you know what, after a while the I-love-the-Cubs-because-they-are-losers thing got to be really irritating – even for traditional Cub fans.

      Moreover, through 1983 anyone could walk up to Wrigley at any time and get a cheap seat close to the field. I mean cheap – in the late 1970s it was $2 for a bleacher or grandstand. It was a working class team. 1984 was the start of the fern sport bar era. Wrigley has been modified over the years to reclassify reserved grandstand seats as box seats and grandstand as reserved. Prices have increased a hundred fold in some cases. Its now the place to go to see and be seen.

      Yeah, I understand why a lot of fans find them annoying. I would too if I didn’t grow up rushing home from school to catch the last 2/3rds of day games on WGN.

      • Peterr

        Right before my freshman year began, I saw 7 games in 6 days from the bleachers. Unbelievably cheap, and given that the Cubs were something like 35-60, there were plenty of seats to be had.

        Pass me an Old Style, please.

      • Richard Hershberger

        Key to understanding the Cubs is that they had a spell of about forty years where they were truly and consistently awful. The thirty-five or so years before then, and the thirty or so years since then, they have overall been pretty average, and slightly unlucky in post-season play. In 1984 the lovable losers thing was legit. At this point it is shtick, and tired shtick at that. Their winning, which as I write they seem likely to, at least will put an end to that. The downside is that winning will most likely make Cubs fans as insufferable as it did Red Sox fans.

        Phillies fans at least have the virtue of consistency. They are insufferable whether they are winning or losing–usually losing.

        • Richard Hershberger

          Their winning, which as I write they seem likely to,

          Or perhaps not. Cleveland just tied the game in the bottom of the eighth: worth staying up late for.

    • Goobergunch

      Much of the Cubs’ entire branding tends to be “lovable losers”. At some point I’m way more sympathetic to the Mariners, Rangers, or Astros for not being nearly as loud about wanting sympathy.

      Plus the Red Sox are kind of a cautionary tale here. It was nice and heartwarming in 2004 when they won their first World Series in nearly a century and then they quickly became just another annoying big-market team. (And the Cubs are likely to be good for years to come.)

      There’s also the domestic abusing closer and the Trump-supporting owner, although at least the former is specific to this year’s Cubs team only.

    • nixnutz

      Cleveland is more of a natural underdog of a city though, Chicago has a chip on their shoulder but they’re also the only real first-rate city in the whole midwest. If it weren’t for the mascot Cleveland would be an easy choice, I don’t really have any associations with Chicago other than their gross pizza and their gross school of economics. (OK, there’s Magic Sam and Second City, but Friedman has more space in my mind).

  • Morbo

    So basically it’s time to be resigned to a Cubs win?

    • Juicy_Joel

      And a Trump win unfortunately :(

      • Morbo

        At least we have “I told you so”

      • vic rattlehead

        What the fuck are you talking about?

  • MilitantlyAardvark

    During World War I, King George V of House Saxe-Coburg-Gotha renamed his dynasty “Windsor” for obscure reasons relating to wartime propaganda.

    Obscure isn’t really le mot juste here. The rebranding was because anti-German sentiment was, understandably, vehement at the time and the royal family didn’t particularly want to be viewed as potential traitors. Windsor was and is one of the principal royal residences, hence the name. I confess to wishing that they had dwelt in Tooting, because the House of Tooting would sound so much more fun, but apparently we don’t get to have nice things any more.

    • Thom

      It seems to me that Farley has a taste for irony, and that some commenters apparently read him as making straight comments when he is making ironic ones.

      • MilitantlyAardvark

        Having observed some of his attempts to explain Chinese history, I am less confident in this theory than I should like to be.

    • (((Hogan)))

      You must not be familiar with British understatement.

  • MilitantlyAardvark

    I just want the Cubs to win so that Chicago can ram the words “We don’t win any more” straight back down Trump’s orange upper orifice.

    • Morbo

      Valid, especially since Eric seems to enjoy lying about Obama never going back to Chicago.

      • I don’t particularly mind when people accuse me of things that have some basis in reality, but this is completely ridiculous.

        • jpgray

          I believe that’s an Eric Trump ref, Mr. Loomis

          • Oh. Well. My apologies then!

            • Colin Day

              Especially since Morbo wrote “Eric” instead of “Erik”.

              • People have misspelled my name my entire life, including on this site. So that’s not really the deciding factor.

                • jpgray

                  To be fair it was also pretty messed up when Scott spoke at the RNC…

                  .

                  .

                  .

                  .

                  …even Joanie was probably saying “WTF”

                • Colin Day

                  Reply ro jpgray:

                  Yeag, but Joanie’s such a moran.

        • Morbo
  • Felixmoronia

    Correct me if I am wrong, but did Farley miss one of the major jewels in the crown: Hong Kong?

    • The Dark God of Time

      Hong Kong was a rental, albiet a long-term one.

      • Jean-Michel

        The New Territories were a rental. Hong Kong (the island) and Kowloon were ceded outright. Problem was that “99 years” may as well have meant “forever” as far as the British were concerned and Hong Kong’s development made no provision for the fact that most of the colony existed on borrowed time (the border between the leased and ceded portions was literally just a normal road called “Boundary Street”). Thatcher privately raised the possibility of giving back the New Territories but hanging on to the rest and the idea was immediately shot down by her advisers, and rightly so–it was just completely unworkable.

        • Jean-Michel

          …and while I don’t think it really needs to be explained, for the sake of covering my own ass: when I say they made no provision for the fact that the New Territories were a lease, I don’t mean that such a provision was practical–they obviously leased the territory with the intention of using it and there was really no way to do so without inextricably linking it to the rest of the colony.

  • Todd

    Really wanted the Wittelsbachs for this one. Hugely disappointed in the blog. Might need to act out my frustrations by spending irresponsibly lavishly on artistic boondoggles. Hope everyone is ok with that; I’ll be down at the lake.

    • Karen24

      Ludwig’s Disneyland is one of the coolest things I’ve ever seen. The Lohengrin bathroom alone was worth the price of the plane tickets.

      • wjts

        It is known here that I have little love for New York City. But the urinals at Foley’s Bar on 33rd Street are nothing short of magnificent.

  • dmsilev

    Doesn’t Liz II still technically rule over Pitcairn Island as well?

  • Peterr

    In recent times, restive Scots have threatened to destroy the political unity of the island of Great Britain itself.

    After next Tuesday, Trump will seek to become the First Minister of Scotland. Upon taking office, he will work on rebuilding Hadrian’s Wall and getting England to pay for it.

  • pretendous

    Independence for restive Scots!
    Vote “Leave” the UK and House Saxe-Coburg-Gotha.
    Then vote “Rejoin” the EU.

  • GlennS

    Victoria was already Queen when she and Albert married.

  • vic rattlehead

    My wife is torn. She likes the Cubs because the little bear on the uniforms is cute and she hates the Chief Wahoo logo. But then she’s convinced that if the Cubs win it means Trump wins. And she’s been reading 538…

  • efgoldman

    OK, the meteor is hovering just over Chicago, waiting… waiting….

    Glad I’m 1400 miles away.

  • Juicy_Joel

    Chapman is choking like his choked his girlfriend a few months ago….

  • Ahenobarbus

    So this is now a great Game 7.

  • efgoldman

    I hope Lemieux has a post ready about JOE MADDON SUPERGENIOUS!
    Just HAD to use his best reliever for two extended appearances, including leaving him in for the 9th in a 9-2 game.
    Don’t want to hear any more shit from Red Sox fans and talk yakkers about what a crappy manager Farrell is.

    • vic rattlehead

      Definitely shit the bed on that one. And if that weren’t bad enough, a Trump ad came on.

      Actually, I almost always root for the team with the lower payroll, especially when it’s significantly lower. I wish the Indians would phase out the racist logo, but they are the relative little guy.

    • efgoldman

      Shades of Grady Little leaving Pedro in too long in 2003.

      • Mellano

        Funny enough, since he yanked Hendricks so quickly

  • Mellano

    Shades of David Freese for Rajai Davis

  • vic rattlehead

    Gotta be quick at 2B if you don’t wanna get nailed. I don’t think that was dirty-think he might’ve choked at the last second and been scared of a collision but I don’t see maliciousness. I’ve sort of hesitated sliding into second or third but never targeted a baseman.

  • mch

    The Cubs have won. (Yay!)

    Queen Elizabeth II is perfectly happy with the decline of her power, and her country’s. So I think. She does seek moral authority, but in a benign form. I think she’s a very great lady. (My daughter is named Elizabeth, not after the two English monarchs, but. It’s a good name.)

    • “She looked smart enough to know what to do if one of her sheep caught fire”.

  • Nathan Goldwag

    Saxe-Coburg-Gotha still holding on in Belgium too!

  • DAS

    We’re over 80 comments in this thread and nobody has asked the proprietors of LG&M if they have Prince Albert in a can? Have you commie radicals no respect for tradition?

    Well it looks like it’s falling on me:

    Excuse me sir. Do you have Prince Albert in a can?

    • (((Hogan)))

      Is your refrigerator running?

      • DAS

        Your epidermis is showing

  • Ronan
  • rdennist

    The last time the Cubs won the world series, a black man was President. HA!

  • Gwen

    Cubs win. Make America Great Britain Again.

  • Caepan

    I double-checked your list, and you neglected to add the Falkland Islands. (Still a constitutional monarchy.)

    You mean to tell me that the UK went to war with Argentina over a few tiny islands in 1982, and all we have to remember it is a shitty Pink Floyd album?

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