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Rolling Coal

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I love that conservative white men’s masculinity is so fragile that the sheer existence of a Prius sets them into a spasm of hatred. Thus, rolling coal.

But to diesel owners like Corey Blue of Roanoke, Ill., the very efforts to ban coal rolling represent the worst of government overreach and environmental activism. “Your bill will not stop us!” Mr. Blue wrote to Will Guzzardi, a state representative who has proposed a $5,000 fine on anyone who removes or alters emissions equipment.

“Why don’t you go live in Sweden and get the heck out of our country,” Mr. Blue wrote.” I will continue to roll coal anytime I feel like and fog your stupid eco-cars.”

He seems nice.

Still, some truck lovers say times are changing.

Danny Voss drives the Clean Sweep, the only emissions-compliant truck at the McHenry truck pull. His vehicle, a Chevy pickup fitted with a 2012 Duramax engine, is sponsored by Calibrated Power, which makes aftermarket parts that conform with emissions rules.

“When a truck like this pulls and you don’t see the smoke, we’re proud of it,” Mr. Voss said.

But when Clean Sweep dragged the heavy sled down the track, the crowd was confused. “Where’s the smoke?” one spectator shouted.

“The air sucks anyway,” said Ben Poncher, who was drinking a beer next to the track. “Smoke’s pretty. I like seeing it.”

Smart take.

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  • Judas Peckerwood

    There must be a better way to announce to the world that you have a tiny, tiny penis.

    • Lamont Cranston

      Mention it during a Republican Primary debate.

      • I keep looking for a “Like” button and not finding one and it gets so frustrating for me.

    • cpinva

      “There must be a better way to announce to the world that you have a tiny, tiny penis.”

      a tiny, tiny flag, on your radio antennae? zipper down and no one notices or cares?

      I saw one of these things for the very first time recently, on a high traffic volume, local road. the general response, from other drivers, was decidedly less than enthusiastic.

    • I find the fake testicles hanging off a bumper to be a fairly good predictor of small penis anxiety.

  • BiloSagdiyev

    UGTR

    Ungovernable tribal regions.

    • BiloSagdiyev

      One thing to keep in mind, when you think of the people who are still very, very mad that we lost in Vietnam, well, an equivalent amount of anger applies to pollution regulations being applied to cars around 1972 or so and taking away their GTO’s and Chevelle SS’s and and and and etc etc. They’re still not over that. Even if we’re currently awash in cars just as fast — and much faster — nowadays.

      My pet theory is that part of their fist-shaking on the subject, which they’re not fully conscious of, was that that was the era when a blue collar guy could afford so much speed.

      As for the ones who are mad that you still can’t work on ’em with a screwdriver and a rock, well, that group is fading away. (It’s not like the newer generation of them aren’t plugging fuel injected modern Chevy V-8’s into cars of all eras now.)

      But because pollution control = lame 1979 Trans Am… all pollution controls and things done for mpg ever, shall always be Why Cars Now Suck. Even if they don’t suck. Even if the technology gave more power and more mpg.

      It’s a strange, not-so-isolated cult.

      Full disclosure: I don’t like these guys. ; )

      • creature

        I restore and modify older GM pickup trucks. I only install relatively modern GM engines- fuel-injected gasoline engines, that have to meet emission standards upon their initial registration (in Colorado), and as long as the vintage/collector/classic vehicle registration is maintained, there is no future inspection. Even modern gasoline engines vehicles have a two-year interval for emissions testing, but diesels have one every year. My ancient Benz diesel still ‘blows clean’, every time. Hat these guys (and it’s almost always men) spend thousands of dollars to remove, modify and bypass emissions controls, then use programmers to alter the engine computer controls (not much different than VW/Audi did), to produce ‘coal on demand’. I have retired from the auto service business, but I remember refusing to cut off or gut out catalytic converters on gasoline engines vehicles, because there was a $10K federal fine to the service shop, and to the vehicle owner. I didn’t need the headache. All the state or local cops have to do is pull over one of the ‘coal rollers’, and demand an inspection to verify compliance with state or federal standards. If it’s out of compliance, fine the owner and the shop that did the modification, or offer the owner the opportunity to pay to have the vehicle restored to compliance. Modern technology is pretty amazing, in the vehicle sector- I started out with old-school type vehicles (back when they were state-of-the-art) and the new stuff is cleaner, more powerful and actually more durable than the old stuff! My favourite derogatory comment to any of the simpletons who modify their vehicles to produce some outrageous/illegal/unsafe condition- ‘but it looks cool!’. The snark is lost on most of them.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          Let me point out that VW/Audi only bungled one metric, not all metrics. NOx is a problem, but they still had excellent soot/particulate control – which is a real public health (and glacier metl) problem, and they still got very good mpg, which is a greenhouse gas issue.

          Last I read up on it. I’ve not read up with great energy on that subject, though, but I sensed a mismatch between “they’re POLLUTING!” and the “on nitrous oxides” issue.

          They’re still big stinking cheaters and Ferdinand Piech is a real jerk, of course.

      • …an equivalent amount of anger applies to pollution regulations being applied to cars around 1972 or so and taking away their GTO’s and Chevelle SS’s and and and and etc etc. They’re still not over that.

        Was that really the cause or was it a combination of the 1973 oil crisis with the fact that that’s around when Detroit started making really shitty cars and better, cheaper, more durable Japanese cars started coming in to the American market.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          That didn’t help Detroit in general, but it’s not like Japan was selling competitors to the muscle cars. Once powerful engines became… not as powerful, because of emissions regs.

          Technology brought performance back eventually, but that cost money.

          While there was a demand for economy cars, many of the pony cars were still being sold, and fhey weren’t as good. And these guys didn’t want economy cars. (Still don’t!)

          (Until you tore everything apart and made it gooder, which many of these guys were going to anyway…)

          • cpinva

            “That didn’t help Detroit in general, but it’s not like Japan was selling competitors to the muscle cars.”

            I always found that amusing, calling a GTO a “muscle” car, as if it had a hope in hell of ever competing with a Ferrari or a Lamborghini (or even a vet), in either looks or “muscle”. they were the blue collar guy’s wannabe sports car. put glass packs on them, and they were noisy as hell too. not fast and noisy, just……………noisy. pathetic really.

            • nosmo king

              Actually, at Daytona in 1964, before the Daytona 500, they had a separate 500 mile race pitting Big 3 muscle cars, lightly modified from factory, against European sports cars, also lightly modified for oval racing. The winner was Paul Goldsmith’s Pontiac Tempest Super Duty, finishing 8 laps ahead of the Ferrari entry and more than a lap ahead of anyone else IIRC. Granted, horses for courses and all that, and GM only ever made 12 1964 Tempest Super Duty cars, but to say Detroit never made factory iron that could compete evenly with Europeans is wrong. See also: Ford GT40, which you could get on special order from any local Ford dealer back in the day

        • It was a combination of govt pollution regulations, fuel prices and a crackdown by the insurance companies in the early 70s.

          Today your average V6 Accord or Camry is quicker than most of the muscle cars.

      • gogiggs

        It speaks well of you that you look for a non-awful explanation, but there isn’t one.
        This is just another example of conservatism being the opposite of liberals, updated daily.
        Back in 1980, America faced a choice. Dad had been caught cheating and left Mom. Mom told us we needed to turn down the thermostat, put on a sweater and be responsible.
        Dad told us it was morning in America, we could stay up all night, drive whatever we wanted, eat dessert for every meal and just generally not care.
        We went with Dad
        We’ve been paying the price ever since.

      • Area Man

        One thing to keep in mind, when you think of the people who are still very, very mad that we lost in Vietnam, well, an equivalent amount of anger applies to pollution regulations being applied to cars around 1972 or so and taking away their GTO’s and Chevelle SS’s and and and and etc etc. They’re still not over that.

        I’m a little skeptical of the idea that these jerks, who appear to be in their 20s or early 30s at most, are reacting to regulations that were put in place well before they were born. Granted, such resentments can trickle down through the generations, but no one buying their first car in the last 10 years has any cause to blame environmental regulations from preventing them from having a badass car or truck, if that’s their thing.

        • Pat

          People pick a tribe. The choice is shaped by their parents, their friends’ parents, and the media choices of those people.

          Then they adopt the attitudes of that tribe, irrespective of whether it makes any sense at all.

          We recently turned a very conservative family member onto buying diode light bulbs to replace all their incandescent bulbs. Small victories – but once they do it, they’re never going back.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          Granted, such resentments can trickle down through the generations, but no one buying their first car in the last 10 years has any cause to blame environmental regulations from preventing them from having a badass car or truck, if that’s their thing.

          Logically speaking. If they’re being logical, and can admit that even today’s V-6 Camaros are fast.

          But it’s not a logical thing, and anything and everything the EPA, CARB, and NHTSA ever does is bad and wrong.

  • Karen24

    As a liberal, I think that sucking on tailpipe emissions is completely wrong and should be banned. Also, pumping tailpipe emissions into the passenger cabin while idling in your garage is also a very bad and idea which should be regulated by the EPA.

    • (((Malaclypse)))

      There is nothing that would fill me with helpless rage more than these guys working in the privacy of their own garages, behind a closed door, where Agenda 21 has no reach, modding out their trucks.

      • Karen24

        Especially if they keep the engine running with the doors and windows closed.

        • (((Malaclypse)))

          I heard Agenda 21 prohibits just that.

        • Randy

          Obama and the Clintons think it’s very, very bad.

    • sparks

      Pick up an old GM two-stroke diesel and retrofit it! That’ll show those EPA guys.

      Note: I drove one of those in the ’80s and the cab would reek of diesel fumes if you rolled the window down even just a crack. Made for fun in hot weather.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      I am VERY ANGRY at the regulations that prevent me from showing my strong support of the very important Nerve Gas Industry. It’s important for the national defense, unlike those primitive ‘coalers’. Perhaps I’ll find a way to show them that “they’ve got a lot of nerve”, you betcha.

  • CrunchyFrog

    I’ll add this post to my collection entitled “The Causes of the First Self-Extinction in Earth’s History”.

  • If I understand it correctly: to roll coal requires modifying your fuel injection to dump more fuel into the motor than it is capable of burning.

    They’re literally modifying their trucks to make them run worse.

    • MAJeff

      They’re literally modifying their trucks to make them run worse.

      Bless their hearts.

    • ArchTeryx

      And wrecking their extremely expensive engines prematurely in the process. About the only thing stupider then “foaling roll” is the assholes that fly a huge Confederate flag right next to an equally huge U.S. flag out the back of their pickups.

      In Upstate New York.

      Stupidity at that level should be a capital crime (and usually is, eventually).

      • Philip

        About the only thing stupider then “foaling roll” is the assholes that fly a huge Confederate flag right next to an equally huge U.S. flag out the back of their pickups.

        In Upstate New YorkWest Virginia.

        ftfy

      • Murc

        And wrecking their extremely expensive engines prematurely in the process. About the only thing stupider then “foaling roll” is the assholes that fly a huge Confederate flag right next to an equally huge U.S. flag out the back of their pickups.

        In Upstate New York.

        I live in upstate New York and drive by a Ford F-250 every afternoon in a nearby driveway that’s been modified with a couple of smokestacks. It doesn’t have a Confederate flag on it but it does have a Trump bumper sticker.

        … actually I guess it DOES have a Confederate flag, doesn’t it? I mean, same different.

      • Matt McIrvin

        I’ve seen people rolling coal and people flying the Confederate-and-US-flag combo in my town in Massachusetts.

      • stamc

        I’m from Western NY and this does not surprise me. The small town of Danville had a hot air balloon festival over Labor Day weekend and nearly every vendor there sold confederate flags. I live in NoVA now. We were driving near VA Tech on our way to NC when one of these coal rollers let off their smoke in front of us. We just thought they we having car trouble. Now I realize our Volvo must have triggered him. On a somewhat related note, the car in front of me today had a GALT J vanity plate on a brand new Infinity. Plates were also veteran plate.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          Danville, VA? They’re having a great big pity party over that flag lately.

          Also, just across the state line in Pelham, NC, may be the HQ of the largest Klan chapter in the US… but I doubt there are any accurate metrics on that self-aggrandizing, I mean, reporting stuff.

          • rea

            Danville, VA? Where Virgil Caine drove the train? (Before Stoneman’s cavalry, anyway).

        • The Lorax

          A Galter who was part of the biggest government jobs program (and drawing a lifelong pension from it)–the US military? Sounds about right.

      • FlipYrWhig

        Might as well slap Trump and Don’t Tread on Me stickers on there and complete the set of “Fuck You, World!” signifiers.

    • (((Malaclypse)))

      They’re literally modifying their trucks to make them run worse.

      And that is why Veblen was the prophet of our age.

      • N__B

        Chad Veblen, who wrote about the theory of the moron class?

    • JDM

      Less reliable, plus less power. OTOH, the smoke they emit does warn you that the occupants are dim-witted fools and to be avoided; clearly a safety plus for others.

    • There’s a market there (small, probably, but I’m sure not entirely non-existent) for the Faux-Coal-Roll™: a radio-controlled device attached to the top of your truck’s exhaust that, when you push a button in the cab, releases a cloud of environment-friendly black Phony-Smoke™. You can infuriate the libtards in their Priuses while secretly keeping your fuel injectors in tune and saving at the pump!!!

      • Warren Terra

        1) didn’t James Bond or some character of his ilk drive a car that could lay down a smokescreen at the press of a button?

        2) It seems to me that if you’re going to go that route then black smoke is boring. Brightly colored smoke! Perhaps with sparkles of burning magnesium or some such in it!

        • The Temporary Name

          The smokescreen Bond car was in Goldfinger, and I had the little metal toy version, which was spiffy. The burning magnesium would have improved it.

          • LNM_in_LA

            Back when Goldfinger was released, the Sears store in nearby Inglewood hosted a promotional event for the film, and you got the chance to sit in that DB5. Which I did. I SO much wanted to push that red ‘eject’ button . . .

        • efgoldman

          Brightly colored smoke!

          LAVENDER!

        • JMP

          That car was the Season 2 Autobot appropriately named Smokescreen.

          • Linnaeus

            While we’re on cultural references from the 1980s, your car could also produce a smokescreen in the video game Spy Hunter.

            • Warren Terra

              Also in the video game Autoduel.

              • NonyNony

                Oh man – Autoduel. So many wasted hours.

            • Marek

              Spyhunter, definitely one of the best video games ever. No extra charge for the Peter Gunn theme!

    • BiloSagdiyev

      Mind you, these motors have so bloody much power that the occaasional setting to “roal coal” is but a blip on the otherwise silly amount of torque on tap day to day.

      Don’t tell anybody, but shhh… electronics are involved in most cases, I believe. I don’t keep track of it all, but I get the impression that these aren’t simple mechanically injected diesels anymore. Which is one reason they are playing with so much power at the press of a button… or smoke at the press of a button… or fuel economy at the press of a button.

      I have a friend with a truck of this ilk (but he is not of their ilk) and he easily gets 24 mpg hwy, which is shocking for a truck of its size, and with a motor alone that weighs 1,000 lbs.

    • cpinva

      “They’re literally modifying their trucks to make them run worse.”

      if it would piss off some liberal, somewhere, they would puncture their own, very expensive tires and run on the rims, all while denying their children medical care because it would also piss off liberals. Major, I know you’ll be shocked to hear this, but these are not very bright people.

      in the days of old Sparta, according to archeologists/historians, these people wouldn’t have been allowed to live much past birth, because their obvious mental weakness would have been considered a danger to the community. thankfully, we live in a society that doesn’t practice such overt Darwinian weeding out, and they are allowed to live. unfortunately, this also means that, absent some medical condition/accident/etc., they can pass their defective genes on to another generation of born stupid people.

      • rea

        Actually, the Spartans notoriously selected for stupidity.

  • Nobdy

    Even in this election year of bombastic rhetoric on political correctness and climate change, rolling coal stands out as an ideological statement. At its core, it also struggles with a basic, somewhat existential question: Should we seek to minimize the human footprint on the earth, or should we flaunt it?

    Teach the controversy.

    Should we, as humans, try to maintain the only environment we have as best we can or should we trash it and all die together along with the majority of earth’s flora and fauna?

    Truly a puzzler. I find it as difficult to answer as Loomis does the question “Would you like some ketchup with that steak?”

    • marduk

      Should we, as humans, try to maintain the only environment we have as best we can or should we trash it and all die together along with the majority of earth’s flora and fauna?

      It’s all going to be gone the second I’m dead anyway. Middle fingers up, and suck it libtards!

    • cpinva

      correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t the “rolling coal” idiocy start before the primaries even began? if I recall, this was more a “response” (for lack of a better word) to the new EPA mandates on coal, which I believe preceded the formal election season. as I noted above, I only just recently saw one in person, but I do recall reading/hearing news of them well over a year ago. I could be wrong, it’s been a very busy last year and half in my life.

  • LWA

    Here in the People’s Republic of California, I spotted one of those monster trucks with a bumper sticker that said “I [heart] 8 MPG”

    I almost laughed myself silly.

    The guy was proud of how low his mileage was. So proud, he went to the trouble of putting it on his bumper. I just imagined how delighted he must have felt every time he filled up, watching the gauge spin madly (“eff you Al Gore! Take That, Pajama Boy!”)

    If rage springs from fear, these are very, very fearful people.
    And, I think, with good reason.

    • Sev

      Surely there are less graphic ways of announcing “I am a YUGE ASSHOLE!”

      • ResumeMan

        less graphic – and less expensive!

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      I spotted one of those monster trucks with a bumper sticker that said “I [heart] 8 MPG”

      Hey, I got a suggestion for how he could get EVEN LOWER MPG. It involves dousing his truck with a couple of gallons of gasoline.

      Even better if he’s a smoker.

    • Here in the People’s Republic of California, I spotted one of those monster trucks with a bumper sticker that said “I [heart] 8 MPG

      Yet another reason why I can’t wait for oil to go up towards $100 per barrel. Not that that will happen anytime soon though.

    • cpinva

      “If rage springs from fear, these are very, very fearful people.”

      as a recently departed wise man once noted, “These are simple people of the soil. You know, morons”

  • NewishLawyer

    IIRC the “rolling coal” thing was a story in the media a few years ago. I can’t remember if it was a story in 2012 or a little later.

    It would be interesting to see if “rolling coal” becomes a story every 4 years.

    • wjts

      The first time I remember hearing about it was on this very blog about two years ago.

      • Fighting Words

        Thanks! I recall first reading about it on LGM too.

        • Origami Isopod

          Same.

      • NewishLawyer

        So midterms then! Even more depressing!

      • cpinva

        ok, good, so my post above wasn’t completely off the mark then. good to know my brain hasn’t turned totally to mush, yet. the current election idiocy of “Political Correctness” (meaning you can’t be a gratuitous asshole in public anymore, and not get called on it.) and Climate Change denial also aren’t completely recent, Trump has just turned the stupid machine up to 11, in a naked appeal to his low intellect base. beats me why though, he seems to have that 40% nailed, unless he gets caught wearing a burqa, and having sex with a transvestite (not that there’s anything wrong with being a transvestite) knowingly. they’re so blind with rage at this point, that might not even do it.

    • Mike G
  • The Temporary Name

    “The air sucks anyway,”

    The air BLOWS.

    • liberalrob

      That’s why it’s windy.

  • grouchomarxist

    Paging Mr. Kornbluth: Your morons are marching!

  • Origami Isopod

    These are the people we’re supposed to “reach out to” and “try to understand.”

    • BiloSagdiyev

      I believe they also do it to bicyclists, the kind wearing lyrca and riding faggy skinny-tired road bikes.

      This is the kind of populism I have no patience for. It’s just shitting down on people when you can get away with it. Apolitical bully mentality. Again, I don’t think they’re fully conscious of the politics (or class), as usual, just… rich guys… screw you! Nobody they know rides a bike like a sissy.

      Full disclsoure: I have been one of those lycra guys in the past. Before the rolling of coal, but not the screaming, throwing of things, etc etc. I understand these guys pretty well. They’re real jerks.

      • Origami Isopod

        Ugh, yeah.

        And if you’re a woman on a bicycle you get catcalled. Or, if these douchebags are in a car versus a truck, one of them leans out the window and slaps you on the ass.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          I once was on a lonely country road when I heard the noise of jacked-up-truck tires slowing down… slowly I turned… concerned that I was due for yet another pleasant encounter with the Yeehaw Patrol.

          It was two country girls, who wanted to look at the lycra behind. Mwaah mwaaah.

          • Schadenboner

            Dear Bicyclist Monthly,

            I never thought I would be writing one of these letters but…

            • BiloSagdiyev

              “I woke up later that night in a ditch by the side of the road, with my Zefal frame pump in a most indelicate place.”

        • Matt McIrvin

          The last time this came around, I recall reading that there’s a bunch of YouTube videos of the coal-rollers barfing smoke on attractive women. It really brings it all together.

      • Karen24

        A bunch of yahoos like that once hit a friend of mine with a beer can while she was riding her bike near campus.

        And when I did a lot of street cycling away from my neighborhood the catcalls and insults were constant.

        • Philip

          I’ve got the good fortune to be safe from that side of things, but the summer I worked in LA I had at least 3 drivers honest-to-god try to murder me. In San Francisco, the baseline driver is of the “can’t tell if they’re drunk or just that stupid” kind, so I don’t think any of my near misses here have been intentional, but you can never really tell.

    • DAS

      You’ve got to remember that these are just simple farmers. These are people of the land. The common clay of the new West. You know… morons.

    • wjts

      I think I understand them. They’ve been told not to do something, so they think doing it will make them Cool Rebels Who Don’t Play By The Rules. I suspect everyone’s done that at some point or another. Defining yourself by the rules you won’t obey, though, is kind of a stupid way to live your life.

      • (((Malaclypse)))

        Bruce: I forgive you. Here. [Hands Kevin a copy of Morrisson Hotel] Take this, it’s an 8-track tape. It’s one of the last in existence. I want you to steal a car…

        Kevin: I have a car…

        Bruce: Steal a car!

        Kevin: Steal a car!!

        Bruce: I want you to get in it and drive West. Play the tape full blast. When the tape ends, get out and get into a fight, then get back into the car, come to town and meet me at the Carcas Club.

        Kevin: What will you do?

        Bruce: I will let you in to the most prestigious hotel of all time…

        Kevin: Which is?

        Bruce: [rolling his eyes] Mor’son Hotel!

        Kevin: Then what?

        Bruce: Then, you’re gonna be a Doors fan, man.

        • Jon_H11

          Bruce McCulloch on KITH was the one man ultimate take down of idiot (North) American masculinity.

      • NewishLawyer

        I mean I sort of get that when you are in 7th-10th grade but not much after that even if there are still rules we bristle against and don’t always obey.

        These guys really do seem to have a fragile sense of masculinity.

        I can’t say I get it. I’ve never really been into sports or cars or traditional guy things. But this never made me feel feminine or unmasculine.

        • efgoldman

          I’ve never really been into sports… cars

          I was.
          When I was too young to drive.

          • mpavilion

            Yeah, I subscribed to “Car and Driver” in middle school / high school, and was minorly obsessed with Porsches. Once I grew up, I could barely care less about cars… though I do have a friend who owns two(!) used Porsches. The fire of his youthful enthusiasm was not extinguished by the thin air of adulthood, or something…

        • wjts

          It’s a very childish/adolescent attitude, yeah. It’s not too different from people who rant and rave about motorcycle helmet and seat belt laws. I can’t say I’d be shocked to learn that there’s a lot of overlap between those folks and the rolling coal folks.

        • Philip

          I’m into hockey and cars and motorcycles (although maybe biking and playing soccer offsets that in the mind of the Coaly Rollers), and I really don’t get it either.

    • cpinva

      “These are the people we’re supposed to “reach out to” and “try to understand.”

      oh, I understand them fully, I grew up around people like this. they were tortured, flaming assholes in my youth, and are just older tortured, flaming assholes now. they are impervious to change, especially if it means (in their minds, anyway) they are no longer at the top of the American populace food chain. not that most of them ever were in any substantive way, aside from being white, male and “Christian”. but now that’s being “taken away” from them, and they just can’t handle it. soon enough, a fair number of them will either die from blowing a gasket from the rage, or end up in jail, by doing something incredibly stupid from the rage. hopefully, they’ll only damage themselves in the process.

  • BiloSagdiyev

    Some citizens are gross polluters, by all metrics.

    • Well, 144 citizens are.

    • Yes, but are they gross polluters by all *relevant* metrics?

  • BiloSagdiyev
  • fledermaus

    Well I will continue to salt their precious lawns

  • Warren Terra

    here is a link to the previous LGM “coal rolling” thread, a bit over two years ago. It got more than 400 comments; since then, our ability to be outraged has been exhausted by a certain orange-hued toupee’d freak, and it’s not as new, so I predict far fewer.

    • BiloSagdiyev

      Oh my. There’s a late comment at the bottom of that thread that is chock full of Science, yo.

      • wjts

        What a delightful fellow.

      • PatrickG

        Fine (especially ultrafine — those elitist jerks) particles are part of the liberal agenda to prevent diesel-fueled produce delivery.

        ETA: can we have a reclassification for ultrafabulous particles?

    • Warren Terra

      Oh, noes! Bspen has once more quoted herself! What havoc might this wreak upon commenter “skeptic”? Will no-one think of the children?

      • BobBobNewhartNewhartSpecial

        I know, right, we totally need a “The View” perspective on this blog.

  • LeeEsq

    I don’t think this is necessarily about the fragility of white manhood necessarily but you can make a very good faith argument that it is so. My interpretation is that its about taking one trait of Western culture way too far, in this case irreverence. Irreverence, the ability to mock things that people take seriously, has been a part of Western society since Ancient Greece. Aristophanes mocked everything he could think of. The trait of irreverence existed in other culture but I think that the Greco-Roman derived cultures of the West took it farther and made it more central to our value system than others. Irreverence can be very important and useful but some people take it too far.

    • efgoldman

      Irreverence can be very important and useful but some people take it too far.

      Hell, I’m as irreverent as fuck, but the only pollution I cause is verbal.

    • Pat

      It’s an awful lot of work and money for some simple irreverence, don’t you think?

  • lige

    Whatever happened to just expressing oneself with the quiet dignity of Truck Nutz?

    • It got coöpted by bicyclists, and is hence too effete for pickup truck drivers.

      • Warren Terra

        Ah, yes, “heart shaped”. Hm.

        Though, honestly, as a long-time (now former) bicycle commuter I’d settle for people using those if it meant they had a visible light of some sort. One of my pet peeves was my fellow bicyclists not using lights, not obeying signals, not wearing helmets.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          Your pribably signalled turns with your left arm, too! Did you always feel silly, like nobody knew what it meant?

          • Warren Terra

            Actually, no. I’m too much of a klutz to take my hand off the handlebar to signal turns – even though I know it’s a legal requirement for bicyclists.

      • Vance Maverick

        Nice diëresis, fellow effetist!

  • twbb

    And of course, the one time “casts a cloud” would be a legitimate phrase to use in a New York Times story, rather than sleazy anti-Hillary bias, they don’t use it…

  • aidian

    Rollin’ coal is the sort of thing that by the time you’re able to afford to do it you should have outgrown all interest in actually doing it. There are actually a surprising number of things in this category: stuff I totally would done at 15 but couldn’t afford to do, and now that I could afford to do it I realize it’s the sort of thing only a 15 year old would do.
    ———-
    It’s worth noting that the reason you can’t buy a small pickup anymore is because of the ‘Corporate Average Fuel Economy’ rules which categorize vehicles via size of the wheelbase. That means the little (relatively) efficient pickups I love can’t be made anymore — because they have a wheelbase the same size as a sedan they’re rated to the same standards as one. It’s stuff like this that makes me want to pull my hair out. I don’t like, need, or want a big ol’ 7.3 liter V8 powered full-size pickup. But that’s what the EPA wants me to buy.
    ———–
    I will note that the embrace of emissions controls has a serious disadvantage for the working classes. I long suggested that the people working for the California Air Resources Board should be allowed to implement any pollution rule they think would do some good, but only after they’ve spent a year or two as a single mother with a couple of kids, a minimum wage job and a beater car that has just failed it’s biannual smog inspection and has been labeled a gross polluter by the state.

    CARB has a program which will help pay for repairs: All you have to do is pay for them, mail in the receipts along with a form and then wait for the state to reimburse you. Totally reasonable for an overpaid state employee working for CARB. Not so much for someone working at Subway.

    Of course the state will only cover $500 max. And hopefully you don’t owe any money to a state or local agency — in which case they’ll pay it off and send you anything left (don’t forget that a $100 ticket in California will cost you about $400-500 even if you pay it on time. A $15-25 parking ticket will run you $200. Depending on the county, they’ll offer the option of sitting in jail at a rate of $50/day). Also, the program runs out of money for the year by late Spring most years.

    In the meantime, you can’t register your car, which means you’re at risk every time you drive. Get pulled over once and still can’t pay? Your license gets suspended for an unpaid violation. Get caught driving again and you’re talking about criminal violation, not just traffic infraction…. etc., etc., etc…

    It’s situations like this that can quickly make you less than appreciative of clean air rules.

    • dl

      yeah, there’s something to this. Coal rollers excepted, nobody drives a shitty car on purpose

    • BiloSagdiyev

      It’s worth noting that the reason you can’t buy a small pickup anymore is because of the ‘Corporate Average Fuel Economy’ rules which categorize vehicles via size of the wheelbase. That means the little (relatively) efficient pickups I love can’t be made anymore — because they have a wheelbase the same size as a sedan they’re rated to the same standards as one. It’s stuff like this that makes me want to pull my hair out. I don’t like, need, or want a big ol’ 7.3 liter V8 powered full-size pickup. But that’s what the EPA wants me to buy.

      Egads. I did not know that. I just figured that most Americans who want trucks don’t want a sensibly sized truck. We have plenty of evidence that they do like “giant.” I am continually shocked at the size creep that goes on with full sized trucks and how people keep accepting them as normal. (Ongoing military actions in the Middle East, too, but that’s totally unrelated, I swear.)

      Similarly, I was tickled when I saw Ford start selling smaller fwd vans for commerical use, since so many businesses don’t need a big blundering Econoline… and while they’ve sold some, it looks like they’ve been selling a lot more of the bigger, and even-bigger new designs now that the Econoline is dead.

      Are the V-6’s not an option anymore? Or is that more of a fleet sales and “theortical” option, good luck finding one on the lot? I am tickled to find out that Dodge is now selling a turbodiesel V-6 that is about half the displacement of the Cummins, for a merely sensible amount of great torque, and 29 mpg hwy.

      As for CARB and poverty, I must say that clean air is a benefit that applies democratically, but yes, they take things too far with the old cars. And very old cars. And very very old cars.

      As for that $500 benefit, egads, reminds me of the bureaucracy I work for. A benefit that benefits the organized, literate, have-a-little-money-put-away lower middle class maybe, but not the actual poor. Whee.

      • aidian

        It’s pretty rare to see a full-size pickup w/a V-6. I think you’re right about them being a fleet buy kinda thing because when I do see them they’re usually auctioned fleet vehicles. I’d also guess I’m not the only person who thinks ‘If I’m buying a honking big truck, it’s gonna have a honking big engine.’ Also, at the price of a fullsize pickup, $1500 difference between engines don’t mean much: it’s about $40,000 new either way.

        The new smaller engines are interesting, but more in ‘cool experiment’ than in a ‘I’d drive one’ way. The companies are supercharging the hell out of ’em to try and hit the same power specs the bigger engines get while still meeting the new MPG standards, and that probably means they won’t last as long.

        I just want to be able to buy a new version of my 1991 Toyota 4×4. 2.2 liter 4 cylinder engine. Turning radius smaller than a mustangs. Tough enough for the Taliban. :(

        • BiloSagdiyev

          One option we have in this mod-ren age is that mint conditiion cars of any year can be found somewhere in the U.S., so you always have the option of just buying another Toyota truck of that era.

          http://bringatrailer.com/2016/08/28/one-owner-w-cold-ac-1986-toyota-4runner/

          Change all hoses, belts, spark plugs, oils, coolant, and be on your merry way.

          $6,800 is a lot for an old used car, but nothing compared to any new car.

      • advocatethis

        Yeah, I didn’t know that, either. My favorite vehicle I ever had was a 1984 Mazda B2000, which I drove for fifteen years til it was totalled when I got sandwiched at a traffic light (the car behind me apparently didn’t notice the color of said light ). That 1/2 ton truck could haul anything I needed it to, plus it handled like a dream and got close to 30 mpg. I ‘m still bummed that I couldn’t replace it with anything similar.

        • Sev

          Well, I realize this is an old thread, but I was pretty surprised by these complaints, and went to check it out.

          What about this: http://www.kbb.com/nissan/frontier-king-cab/2016/s/options/?vehicleid=413436&intent=buy-new

          Or the Toyota: http://www.kbb.com/toyota/tacoma-access-cab/2016/sr/options/?vehicleid=411703&intent=buy-new

          Both in 4cyl versions, the Nissan about 18g base model, 23g for the Toyota

          • BiloSagdiyev

            Thanks, that confirms my barely informed opinion on the subject. Every once in a while I spot a modern Toyota pickup truck that seems sensibly sized, and it appears to be a stripper with smaller diameter tires or lower ride height or something. This confirms my suspicion that we’d be seeing more sensibly sized pickups on the road if people… bought them.

          • les

            I was gonna say Dodge Dakota–had one, not a Toyota quality but small and worked–but then I looked:

            The compact pickup segment received yet another blow recently as Chrysler announced it has ended production of its Dakota pickup. With the small truck’s demise, Chrysler joins Ford and General Motors among automakers who have outlines plans to pull out of the declining segment.

            From here

            • BiloSagdiyev

              Those are still kinda large. “Medium” sized Detroit pickups are still a big bigger than the old Toyota/Nissan/Mitsu/Mazda pickups of yore.

              I didn’t even know they were still trying with the Dakota. The Ranger petered out slowly for a long time, too. (Milking the same generation for ever might not have helped, but why invest in something people don’t like anyway?) Rangers used to have a mere 2.3 liter motor and smaller tires, but that was a long time ago. (And the Ranger was closest to being a tidy size.)

              Most people who buy Murkin trucks want Big Murkin Trucks.

              Not helping? People who like smaller trucks probably aren’t afraid to buy a Toyota and once they’ve gotten a taste of that Toyota truck quality… they’re gone.

              • jim, some guy in iowa

                I remember looking at the Chevy Colorados when they first came out to replace the S-10. The first thing I noticed was how much bigger the Colorado was- seemed like it would be kind of awkward as a mini truck and the thing was, after reading the window sticker for price and fuel economy you might just as well buy a true 1/2 ton

    • BobBobNewhartNewhartSpecial

      Rollin’ coal is the sort of thing that by the time you’re able to afford to do it you should have outgrown all interest in actually doing it.

      This sounds about right. I actually went to a tractor pull when I was in elementary school. My friends and I were oddly (none of us had older brothers/parents that were into cars) obsessed with big trucks for a short period. I remember thinking even then that some of the older people that owned the trucks were a little odd – like seeing someone who seemed just a little too old to be hanging out playing video games at the arcade. And of course, we all lost interest long before any of us were old enough to actually drive.

  • Owlbear1

    The best part is when the dump birdseed into their window air vents.

    Not sure why they do it.

    • BiloSagdiyev

      Is this a trick for use in bear country, perhaps? Hmmm….

      • Owlbear1

        As if these trucks get anywhere near “bear country”.

        • BiloSagdiyev

          Bear country can be your driveway in many parts of the lower 48. There are a least a half a million of them in the lower 48, I’m guessing. (Wikipedia says 339K to 465K, not counting AK, ID, SD, TX, and WY, whose population sizes are unknown.)

          And these guys tend to live more rural areas.

          (Not to say they don’t drive to a city to work at a job that gives them money for toys, but I can’t say anything more about that lest I got into my “you call that country?!” rant.)

  • witlesschum

    There’s like seven of these guys in the country, relatively and they command far too much of the brainshare of places like LGM. Every two years, apparently. People who are outraged by these dweebs outnumber them heavily, so are in fact more annoying than them. This is the equivalent of Loomis announcing his dissatisfaction with Nickleback or NAMBLA every two years.

    • Morbo

      I take it you’ve never been to Silver Lake State Park on Labor Day or Memorial Day weekend?

      • witlesschum

        I work in the Ungovernable Tribal Regions, as someone named them above. People who actually modify their trucks to do this are few and far between, even there.

    • mpavilion

      Yeah — I’m a newcomer here (so I know I don’t have the right to complain); this blog and the folks commenting seem pretty great; but a fair amount of the post subjects seem oddly… “small-bore” (especially considering everything goin’ on). But again, I ain’t nobody (“YOU start a blog!”)

      • Schadenboner

        A good portion of any intratribal communication is own-group signalling.

        • liberalrob

          I see what you did there. And I like it.

          (smoke signals)

      • witlesschum

        No need to be serious all the time. I dig most of Loomis argh ketchup posts, this one just annoyed me.

      • liberalrob

        Some would say that a nonzero amount of post subjects are quite large-bore…

        And don’t get me started on the caliber of comments.

  • Matt

    “Why don’t you go live in Sweden and get the heck out of our country,” Mr. Blue wrote.” I will continue to roll coal anytime I feel like and fog your stupid eco-cars.”

    I’m not going to suggest you stop, fucko. All I want is to require that the exhaust be routed into the passenger compartment. You are fucked and you are fucking us – do the entire species a favor and fucking die already.

    To ponder: since climate change is a direct threat to literally *everyone’s* lives, does it count as “STANDIN YER GROUND” to return fire at these yoyos?

    • To ponder: since climate change is a direct threat to literally *everyone’s* lives, does it count as “STANDIN YER GROUND” to return fire at these yoyos?

      Where there’s smoke there’s fire!!!

    • liberalrob

      get the heck out of our country

      Incorrect adjective. He couldn’t possibly have meant “our” country. The proper phrasing would be “get the heck out of MY country.” That’s what he meant to say.

      …does it count as “STANDIN YER GROUND” to return fire at these yoyos?

      I’d say so. Not only because of climate change, but because of the immediate road hazard created by spewing a dense cloud of vision-impairing smoke. My life is directly being threatened by this person’s deliberate actions. I must be allowed to defend myself, and the surest and quickest way to do that is to blow this dangerous, life-threatening asshole away with my constitutionally kept and borne sidearm. I mean, that’s what it’s FOR, right?

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