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False Flag of Convenience

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The New York Second is no longer the shortest measurement of time. It has been replaced by the Patriot Planck. That is, the amount of time it takes for the SIG-stroking jugheads and their fans to scream “False Flag!” when a fellow jughead does something that is so unpopular that they can’t shrug it of as liberal media bias.

Here’s Mike Vanderboegh, one of the many patrionauts who wants to start an idiots’ intifada against the oppressive evil forces of the tyrannical government that oppressively and evilly and tyrannically sends him a disability check each month (really):

In a statement published on his blog, Sipsey Street Irregulars, yesterday, Vanderboegh called the leaders of the Oregon takeover “federal provocateurs, sociopaths and idiots with a John Brown complex.”
Pretty strong meat from a guy who starts screaming Civil War! when he only gets three ketchup packets at McDonald’s.

“Ladies and gentlemen, don’t let Obama be successful when it comes to starting civil unrest and riots in this country,” Jones said. “They will use that as a civil emergency to bring in a type of soft martial law.”

At first I thought soft martial law is martial law that hasn’t taken a little blue pill. On further reflection I decided it’s imaginary martial law.

He went on to say that “federal provocateurs” are leading militia groups to launch false flag attacks like the Oklahoma City bombing. “All hell is breaking loose in the stock market, militarily overseas, so many issues, and the establishment is going to want a political diversion here in America and they’ve been putting out the talking points that white terrorists are going to start attacking, that white terrorists are going to be involved in insurrection.”
Sure. Militia groups are big, tough, determined, independent, Americans who are hyper-vigilant about The Government and all its wiles and so stupid that they can’t spot a narc in their midst. And these are the dudes who are supposed to come racing to the rescue when Obama cancels elections, wakes the Old Ones and become King God forever and ever?
Good, I’d hate for anything to interfere with Obama/Cthulhu 2016.
(Confidential to Metallica fans who are offended by the association of the band with the Teahadists: Please leave. Thank  you.)
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  • efgoldman

    At first I thought soft martial law is martial law that hasn’t taken a little blue pill.

    Phrase of the day!

    • Woodrowfan

      if you experience martial law for more than four hours, please consult your doctor…

    • N__B

      I dunno. Everyone knows that soft martial law is fudgie the whale in an admiral’s uniform.

    • Warren Terra

      Maybe soft martial law is mandatory military music, but with the brass muted and no percussion?

    • Jake Nelson

      I’ve heard the phrase “soft martial law” before, and it’s driving me crazy that I can’t remember where. I think it’s somebody these yahoos would hate to be quoting. (The meaning in that usage was using the threat of imposing martial law to coerce people, without actually doing it.)

      • jim, some guy in iowa

        it sounds like something the Bush 1 administration might have said when they were trying to remove Noriega

    • This is why the UN troops have little blue helmets.

    • Karen24

      I have a Facebook friend who keeps warning all of us that Obama is going to impose “Marshall” law. I suppose it has something to do with the guys who guard courthouses and transport federal prisoners, or maybe Obama is going to ban TVLand from showing old “Gunsmoke” episodes. I do not have the energy to correct the spelling, however, and am very grateful for the chance to ridicule him.

      • busker type

        I went to a college that had a building with art studios funded by somebody named Marshall… it was called the Marshall Arts Center.

      • Malaclypse

        “Marshall” law

        This is my worst pet peeve. Because it isn’t simply a misspelling, but rather a clear indication that the speaker/writer has no idea whatsoever about the thing they are scared of.

      • The Temporary Name

        Bring on the giant towers of amplifiers and speakers.

  • Woodrowfan

    to be fair, Erik yells when he gets ketchup packets too…

  • jim, some guy in iowa

    it’s all very through the looking-glass

    oh. and Metallica asked for it, with *that* song

  • DW

    I thought Soft Martial Law was a midseason series for CBS which picks up with the original cast of characters, 15 years later.

    • Karen24

      EIther that or an old Cinemax series about a sexy Federal law enforcement officer in the Old West, Marshall Madelyn Law.

    • Roger Ailes

      An ordinance requiring that the Muzak version of “Someday, Someway” be played in all elevators within the jurisdiction.

  • M31

    I read it as “soft marital law” and I was trying to figure out if that were a good thing or a bad thing.

    • Lee Rudolph

      Spouses are only allowed to hit each other with batakas?

    • Ken

      Is that related to Obergefell vs. Hodges?

  • Matt

    Sure. Militia groups are big, tough, determined, independent, Americans who are hyper-vigilant about The Government and all its wiles and so stupid that they can’t spot a narc in their midst.

    More importantly, they’re apparently full of people who think the narc’s ideas sound like a GREAT PLAN. Either we’re supposed to believe that the feds have magic mind-control powers or that the average prospective yeehadi will believe anything.

    OK, that last one is *almost* plausible, but still. ;)

    • brownian

      More importantly, they’re apparently full of people who think the narc’s ideas sound like a GREAT PLAN.

      They should have known there was a narc in their midst the moment someone showed the foresight to come up with a plan and the initiative to follow through with it.

    • “yeehadi”

      I like that. I’m putting it alongside Y’alQueada and Yokel Haram.

      • wjts

        That’s deeply unfair to Gary Brooker.

      • Nobdy

        I prefer Vanilla ISIS because it isn’t condescending towards southern people while somehow being even more belittling.

        • “Bless your heart”

          I spent nine years stationed in the deep South.

          When Southerners stop patting themselves on the back for being from the South, I’ll stop condescending.

      • Roger Ailes

        Osama Bin Mormon.

    • we’re supposed to believe that the feds have magic mind-control powers

      That’s where the chemtrails come in.

      • BiloSagdiyev

        And the biochips!

  • marduk

    Confidential to Metallica fans who are offended by the association of the band with the Teahadists…

    The intersection of those sets must be close to null.

    • Nobdy

      It’s inconceivable that, after years of being told that the government is out to get them and that the Y’allocaust* wherein all white people will be rounded up and exterminated is just around the corner AND that guns are the answers to every problem, people would take up arms against the government! I mean sure we venerate the confederate rebellion and tell people that Obama wants to subject their grandma to a death panel and fluoridate their drinking water, but the idea that they would be inspired to DO something about it?

      PREPOSTEROUS!

      P.S. If the government wanted to ‘discredit’ the right wing crazies how, exactly, would it go about that? Any batshit position or idea you could attribute to them is one they’ve already cheerfully embraced. They transcend discrediting.

      *Apologies for this one.

  • Captain Oblivious

    SIG-stroking Glock-groping jugheads

    FTFY.

    Sigs have thumb safeties and cost about twice as much as an equivalent Glock, which makes them both too complicated and too expensive for these morons. Also, a lot of federal agencies use Sigs.

  • I strongly advocate that someone take action to push back against the overreach of a federal government which is so ubiquitous and insidious that every example of the action which I advocate is in fact evidence of its appalling and unrestrained power.

    No, I have never heard the phrase “cognitive dissonance.” Why do you ask?

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