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Adventures In Hagiography



Apparently, the now-shelved ESPN documentary about Mr. Michelle Rhee was every bit as appalling as you might expect:

Last Friday, ESPN pulled the media screener of the documentary, citing piracy concerns. But before it was pulled, I was able to see the film in its entirety. And despite the best efforts of ESPN’s PR apparatus to try to convince the media otherwise, the film goes well beyond portraying Kevin Johnson in a positive light. Down In The Valley amounts to a 77-minute political advertisement for Johnson, a man who in 1995 paid a 15-year-old over $230,000 to keep quiet after she alleged that he had sexually abused her.

Johnson’s more recent exploits, some as mayor, include intentionally bankrupting a historic black mayor’s conference, flagrant misuse of federal funds, and the installation within his city hall of paid staff members of an aggressively pro-charter school organization, who often failed to disclose their other employer. These revelations, as well as his long history of alleged sexual abuse, have been brought to the nation’s attention by the veteran sportswriter Dave McKenna, who has been meticulously detailing the dealings of Johnson for Deadspin. But even before that, thanks to the dogged reporting of the Sacramento Bee, a paper Johnson has battled with recently, ESPN had to be well aware that the protagonist of its film was not even close to the near-messianic figure he was being made out to be.

So this would appear to be the American counterpart to the recent autoerotic celebration of Sepp Blatter in film, which earned a robust $918 in its American run. (I’m pretty sure Gerard Depardieu just jumped in front of Michael Caine in the queue for the Indiscriminate Script Approval Hall of Fame.)  At least it was FIFA that took most of the bath for its vanity project.  Why ESPN wanted to invest in a hagiography of a terrible mayor and terrible person to tell the story of his “success” in pulling off the odious American grift of funneling large amounts of taxpayer dollars to plutocrats who own professional sports franchises is…less obvious.

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  • Ugh. From a personal perspective, it’s interesting to me how little of what goes on in the state capitol is actually reported in the Bay Area.

    • jamesepowell

      Even less gets reported in Los Angeles. It’s like the capital of some other state.

  • Lev

    My family who live in Sacramento insist that Johnson has become a roundly hated figure locally. The national news media seems to continue to see him as a rising star, but they don’t know him like locals do. Then again, he’ll have lots of money if he chooses to run again, so who knows. Chicago returned an about-as-hateful man to office with abysmal approvals, and as a former resident of Sacramento I’d not have imagined that city to be more progressive than Chicago.

    • He can’t run for Mayor again, so he’ll have to step up to the State Assembly, State Senate, or Congress. Good luck with that.

      • Craigo

        If I remember right, Matsui regularly takes 75% of the primary vote and never even sees a general election ballot. If he wants to break his career against that rock, he’s welcome to.

        • sparks

          I hope he tries. I live in Sacramento pretty much permanently now, and I can’t think of anyone except basketball (Kings) fans who like KJ. He has been terrible. I’ll personally be happy when he’s out of office.

          Looking at our reps in the Assembly, State Senate, and Congress, he’d be better off moving (or waiting for a retirement) to get a seat.

          P.S. I went to high school with him. The year I left is the year he entered. He wasn’t the political type back then.

        • Darkrose

          I don’t know that anyone’s ever tried to primary Matsui.

          She is so awesome. I will be sad when she retires.

    • ThrottleJockey

      I can’t believe this site is still trusting stuff out of Deadspin, what with their racist pattern of targeting black men because scary. Too bad tabloids in 2015 aren’t like they were in 1985. Back then they were on paper. So you could wipe your ass with them. At least that’s worth something. Charmin’s expensive.

      • Scott Lemieux

        What a bunch of horseshit.

        • ThrottleJockey

          You’re right, Gawker Media is a bunch of horseshit, which is why it’d be nice if they had a paper copy so we could wipe it all up!

          Weren’t you the one called bullshit on Gawker Media a few months ago for their questionable ethics? Like ma used to say, ‘lie down with dogs and you’ll pick up fleas’.

          • brad

            You pull this shit way too often. It’s not just Deadspin reporting this, in fact much of Deadspin’s work is just giving a wider audience to Sac based publications. You’re deliberately ignoring the actual content of the very serious and well documented allegations by using one of the many media outlets covering it as an excuse not to hear anything at all.
            It’s flat out pathetic.

            • ThrottleJockey

              No, Brad, I read multiple links back to the ‘source material’, which noted that the local DA investigated the accusations and then decided not to prosecute 19 years ago! I didn’t stop there, though. I continued reading until I came across this gem:

              Could Kent Turley possibly be referring to Kevin Johnson? This wasn’t Magic Johnson, who is said to have bedded more than 2,000 women en route to contracting the virus that causes AIDS.

              And then I stopped reading.

              We don’t look the same and we sure as hell don’t screw the same.

              • brad

                You have every right to be offended by that, it’s a stupid and wrong thing to say.

                It says nothing whatsoever about the various things Johnson is accused of. You’re only mentioning the sexual assault concerns, for one, and you’ve closed yourself off to the voice of the actual victim in that case, who is only one of the alleged victims, btw.

                • ThrottleJockey

                  Its the most serious charge! And the most explosive! And in light of the fact that its been investigated its also the most offensive charge.

                  Could an entitled NBA athlete have sexually harassed women? Sure. Isaiah Washington probably did so, I could imagine KJ doing it too. Sexual harassment is awfully commonplace. The offensive shit is linking back to 19 year old accusations that have been investigated and closed.

                • brad

                  But it’s not the only charge, or the most recent, or the one that is driving the local papers in their investigations and coverage. He sued them, ffs. And he’s seeking national spotlight, he has ambitions. I can absolutely understand where you feel as a black man he’s held to different standards and certain rumors or kinds of them might be amplified by conscious and unconscious bias. But at the same time his record as mayor has to be evaluated fairly, and it is very wanting, at the least.

          • Scott Lemieux

            I criticized a specific story at another site, yes. If you have any actual criticism of Deadspin’s reporting on Johnson, feel free. Your argument that there’s a pattern of racism in Deadspin’s reporting is utter horseshit.

            • ThrottleJockey

              The whole of Gawker Media is foul root to stem. Maybe you have but I’ve yet to see the company that manages to confine racists to one subsidiary while letting the multicultural flowers bloom at the others. By that logic I’m sure there’s a Koch Bros. Subsidiary somewhere making solar panels and trying to stop global warming.

              Gawker Media has money so they can’t even use your excuse that they don’t have anything to offer black journalists.

              • Darkrose

                The whole of Gawker Media is foul root to stem.

                Really? Kotaku? io9?

                • ThrottleJockey

                  The tone is set from the top. Let them hire some minorities and I’ll re-consider. As Jason Whitlock said they’re nothing but a “gang of angry white hipsters“.

                  Why might Whitlock characterize Deadspin as just angry white dudes? Well seems like they had their single black writer pen a piece on Jason Whitlock’s critique of Redskins quarterback RG3. And in that piece their single black writer accuses Whitlock of calling RG3 “a nigga”. Of course Whitlock is famous for hating “the N-word” and disavows its use. Why did Deadspin’s single black writer accuse Whitlock of using the n-word? Well this is what their single black writer said about it:

                  I agree, that you were burned, and though this may sound weak, I wanted to only make the case that you spoke more about RGIII’s lack of humility than other problems that were hindering his progress. The n-word part was added by one of my editors.

                  And that, friends, seems like a pretty good reason to call Deadspin a gang of angry white men.


                • brad

                  Right. Read this and get back to us on Whitlock. But then I’m sure it’s all falsified by racist hipsters, despite being written by that same black man.
                  You’re looking for excuses to ignore bad news.

                  Also, it’d be nice if you sourced that.

                • ThrottleJockey

                  To paraphrase Jeff Foxworthy, if your white editor, in his best Quentin Tarantino impression, inserts the word “nigger” in your article, then he might be racist—-and you might be a token for going along with it.*

                  Google is your friend, the source is here. Since the source includes the actual email from Deadspin’s token single black dude as far as I’m concerned Whitlock just dropped the mic on Deadspin.

                  And anyone who refers to a black sports website as “Black Grantland” is so reductionist, insulting, and sophomoric that they can’t be taken seriously. You may as well call Essence Magazine “Black Cosmo”. Of course Gawker Media is insulting and racist.

                  *From the token’s email: “The n-word part was added by one of my editors. I did, however, give it a final read, and told them to publish. For that, I truly apologize.

                • brad

                  Which now indicts the work of the black man which you’re dismissing. Editors do suck, and that shit ain’t kosher. But to just use Whitlock’s self serving shit as an excuse remains simply an excuse.
                  You very much come across as using any excuse, mainly presenting Gawker as some sort of hate group the SPLC is ignoring, not to actually acknowledge stories you don’t like. You’re privileging what you admit is anecdata to attempt to gauge the black public’s perception of KJ while ignoring, y’know, demonstrable facts of things like him cannibalizing the black mayor association for his own advancement.

                  The black public, like any group, can be wrong. I’m reminded of you bringing up Tawana Brawley, tho not even remembering her name right, as an example of… injustice. I’m not you, one mistake is not an excuse to dismiss, but that’s a big mistake, which you and too many others refuse to learn from.

                • ThrottleJockey

                  I’m not privileging anecdata, I just presented the results of the question I posed. They’re not necessarily representative of local opinion. But there is often a black-white divide on perception (Marion Berry is another good example) and I was curious if this was the case here. That doesn’t mean I support KJ one way or the other (I really disliked Marion Berry). Also black people were wrong on the Clarence Thomas hearings too. So black public opinion on black public officials isn’t the the dispositive fact in a discussion but its a crucial fact in the discussion.

                  I do think Gawker Media is basically a white hipster site for hip racist unethical trolls. And I will continue calling that out. I don’t understand your and Lemeiux’ investment in Gawker Media. Are there no other media sources on the intertubes? Do you find SI.com, or the NYTimes or Bleacher Report or HuffPo to be reactionary sites? There are any number of reputable sources to link to. I’d suggest using those.

                • brad

                  I don’t understand your obsession with Gawker and why you continue to use any connection to it as an excuse to dismiss stories you don’t like. You’re focusing on them and how a specific portion of the general population perceives his performance as mayor to the exclusion of all else. That Gawker or any site owned by it publishes posts on a story does not suffice as a means of dismissing it, and your opinion of the site is both self serving and ridiculous, like using OJ as a litmus test for being a white supremacist.

      • The Dark Avenger

        If you have a problem with anything in their reporting that is wrong or that shows a bias in this case, that would be useful.

      • brad

        I can’t believe you’re completely ignoring the substance of something so as to focus on attacking the messenger based on self serving criteria which are poorly designed.

        Oh, wait, yeah, I can.

        • ThrottleJockey

          Sometimes, Brad, the messenger and the message can’t be disentangled. Like the National Enquirer. As I recall they broke the John Edwards scandal. But I wouldn’t believe them if they printed, “The sky is blue”, so I didn’t believe it until it got picked up by reliable sources. If you’re like me then you don’t take anything that the Drudge Report or Breitbart.com publishes at face value either. Based on their treatment of black people I see no reason to take Gawker Media seriously. Hell they don’t even have any people of color, much less blacks, at an executive level. I wonder how many black journalists they employ?

          Gawker Media also passed on repeated requests to produce its figures…

          When Vox.com launched last year, Slate writer Amanda Hess wrote that the nature of these startups precluded them from taking diversity quite as seriously as they might. “These online platforms represent the merging of journalism (which is a traditionally white and male-dominated field) with technology (which is even more so!). If anything, their marriage should only produce more powerful white men.”

          More Powerful White Men. When has that group ever maligned black people?

          • brad

            Deadspin interviewed one of his alleged victims. You’re using their name to silence her. She’s, fwiw, black, so don’t hide behind that fig leaf. You won’t listen, because you don’t want to. It’s an excuse, not a reason.

      • sparks

        TJ, do you live in Sacramento? I assume you don’t. I do, and am affected by his policies, including the arena nonsense. He’s benefited from what I call Schwarzenegger syndrome, i.e. his celebrity did a lot of the heavy lifting for his campaign. We have had bad mayors in the past, and some bad city councilmen as well. I don’t know if Johnson’s the worst, but he’s pretty high in the rankings.

        • ThrottleJockey

          Celebrity turned mayor, what could go wrong there, ehhh?

          Could be true. I have a sizable number of friends and family who live in Sacramento. I’m waiting to hear their comments. They’re all minority, so I’m curious to see if there’s a black-white divide, or if he’s generally disliked across the board.

          • Darkrose

            I wouldn’t presume to speak for all black people in Sacramento, but I can’t stand the grifting asshat

            • ThrottleJockey

              From my nephew, whose black, I heard that KJ is “beloved by most black people” but that he himself “doesn’t care for him” because he’s just another typical big city mayor unconcerned with the economic challenges facing working class people.

              My friend, whose Asian, said that she’s generally upbeat on him, likes how he’s “gotten the city’s mojo back”, but is “a bit worried about the girl allegations”.

              Its anecdata, but I wasn’t able to find any online polls on his popularity/job approval.

      • TribalistMeathead

        You must read a different Deadspin than I do.

  • KadeKo

    I will cop to being a bad person for somehow not locking down the fact that Johnson and Rhee, two people that I cannot stand, are married, and having totally slipped away from my memory the part about Johnson paying what looks like hush money to a victim he sexually abused.

    Am I a worse person for not knowing which of these things I loathe more?

    • D.N. Nation

      Johnson/Rhee, in my book, are America’s Worst Couple. (I find Rhee to have more agency, and thus more responsibility, in her bullshit, than Michelle Duggar for those playing at home.)

    • postmodulator

      I am not sure, but I think the hush money thing was only recently reported. In the past couple of weeks, I think.

  • Piracy concerns. So … They’re worried that pirates will record the video and force their victims watch it until they hand over the loot.

    Because that’s the only way that comes close to being a coherent excuse.

    I hope Piracy Concerns catches on as an excuse for everything. Why didn’t Windows release a patch for this bug? Piracy concerns! Why won’t the Senator disclose how much he spends on travel? Piracy concerns!

    I bet piracy concerns are the real reason Carly Fiorina did unto HP what Heloise’s family did unto Abelard’s nether regions.

    Why ESPN wanted to invest in a hagiography of a terrible mayor and terrible person to tell the story of his “success” in pulling off the odious American grift of funneling large amounts of taxpayer dollars to plutocrats who own professional sports franchises is…less obvious.

    You answered your own question.

    pulling off the odious American grift of funneling large amounts of taxpayer dollars to plutocrats who own professional sports franchises

    p.s. This comment will self-destruct in 5 seconds because … Piracy Concerns!

    • toberdog

      This morning, I saw a story about customer who wrote a friendly letter to AT&T’s CEO and got a snotty response from the General Counsel’s office. Why? Piracy Concerns!

      I am not making this up.

      • Sometimes, snotty letters from the general counsel’s office are good. Usually they are not.

        • toberdog

          Yes, that’s one of my all-time favorites!

    • Gregor Sansa

      Off topic, but I believe your nym is actually supposed to be “Shakezula wants voting reform now!“. And if you come through with the $100 for Electology.org, I’ll be honestly grateful. Or for $200, I’d happily let you off the hook… heck, I’d take your choice of nyms myself.

      (Small print: of course, if there’s an “lidless eye telecom” thread or something, you’re free to take whatever nym(s) are appropriate for the duration thereof.)

  • Ahuitzotl

    I’m pretty sure Gerard Depardieu just jumped in front of Michael Caine in the queue for the Indiscriminate Script Approval Hall of Fame

    pfft, neither can challenge the undisputed King Cage

    • Depardieu would have made an awesome Ghost Rider.

      • Ahuitzotl

        not to mention enlivening Face/Off with an extra element of the ridiculous

        • He could have played both lead roles in Face/Off.

    • Captain Obvious

      Honorable mention to Michael Keaton.

    • Bob Loblaw Lobs Law Bomb

      Great occasion to dust off my favorite Michael Caine quote:

      “I have never seen [Jaws: The Revenge], but by all accounts it is terrible. However, I have seen the house that it built, and it is terrific.”

      • Ahurazo

        I’m fond of

        I made The Swarm because my mother needed a house to live in. Then I made Jaws 4 because she was lonely and I needed to buy her a bigger house which she could live in with all of her friends.”

  • Denverite

    They have been to Los Angeles or to San Francisco, have driven through a giant redwood and have seen the Pacific glazed by the afternoon sun off Big Sur, and they naturally tend to believe that they have in fact been to California. They have not been, and they probably never will be

    *rolls eyes*

    I’ve been to Sacramento a bunch. It’s not exactly like it’s Skid Row (which I’ve also been to!) or the almond groves of the Valley (which I haven’t). It’s your bog standard state capitol town, with some run down neighborhoods but also some nice ones. Not as nice as Madison or Austin, but nicer than Springfield.

    • Murc

      That can replace the long-defunct Prominent State Politicians Blogging! Rank the state capitals! Do it, Erik. Dooooo eeeeet.

      • Denverite

        1. Denver
        2. Boston
        3. Montpelier
        4. Austin
        5. Madison

        23. Sacramento

        38. Springfield

        47. Birmingham
        48. Baton Rouge
        49. Jefferson City
        50. Albany

        • D.N. Nation

          50. Columbia

        • There is no way Albany is 50. Not even close. Have you been to Pierre? Or Bismarck? Or Cheyenne? Or Topeka? Or Jackson? And let’s not forget the metropolis of Carson City. Then there’s Lansing, Harrisburg, Columbia, Charleston, etc.

          Albany is probably in the upper half.

          • Denverite

            (I’m trolling Lemieux.)

            I actually was in Cheyenne overnight last week. I had to be somewhere at 9:00 AM, which would mean leaving Denver by 6:30 AM to account for rush hour traffic in Denver and Ft. Collins. I kind of like it. The downtown is nice (if a bit deserted), and I went for a run around the capital area the next morning, which was pretty nice.

            • And that’s pretty much all there is to Cheyenne.

            • Rob in CT

              I thought it was obvious, over-the-top trolling of Scott and yet at least two people thought you were serious.

              Ah, the internet.

          • tsam

            I had better start seeing some Olympia on these lists

            • Olympia is alright, especially compared to most of these other places.

            • Rob in CT

              I have a hard time imagining Hartford being in the top half. Or even making it out of the bottom 1/4. But I haven’t been to that many state capitals.

              • Hartford is not a pleasant place.

                It’s proximity to other pleasant places probably raises it out of the bottom 10. Maybe.

                • Rob in CT

                  Well, that is a major thing CT in general has going for it.

                  “We’re between NY and Boston!”

                  On the one hand, I sort of feel like I should say nice things about my home state and the city where I work. On the other… that sort of rah-rah team spirit is not something I do. Or something CT people do generally.

                  So yeah, Hartford. It’s gotten better, but it’s got a ways to go.

                • Have you been to Trenton? Hartford is paradise by comparison.

                • Fair point.

                • wjts

                  Hartford’s not great, but I think Hartford Stage (one of the nation’s best regional theaters) and Cinestudio at Trinity College (my favorite movie theater ever) are more than enough to get it out of the bottom ten.

                • The Dark Avenger

                  “Hartford is not a pleasant place.
                  But some, I think
                  Do there embrace.”

                • Rob in CT

                  Cinestudio… I went to Trinity and I don’t quite get the love people have for Cinestudio. But then, see below re: uncultured barbarian.

                  Hartford Stage does seem to be impressive, if you’re into theatre. Being an uncultured barbarian, I’m not, so…

                  There’s also the Wadsworth Atheneum.

                  It’s not that Hartford is terrible. It’s that I can’t see someone coming in for a weekend and being impressed.

                • Hogan

                  Tom Wolfe once called Hartford “the Athens of lower central midwestern New England.”

          • Murc

            Yeah, I feel a little insulted by Albany’s ranking. The rest of his bottom five is on point (I’d give the bottom slot to Baton Rouge) but Albany? Really?

            … unless this was some sort of obscure attempt to make a joke at Scott’s expense that backfired.

            • Baton Rouge has some advantages, including Louisiana cuisine and a large university. I would easily live there before at least 15 or 20 other state capitals.

            • Denverite

              Guys. The fact that I put Montpelier at #3 should make it obvious that I wasn’t being serious. (Nothing against Montpelier, I was just picking a random state capital with a funny name.)

              • Murc

                Montpelier is legitimately nice, tho!

                • Davis X. Machina

                  And it has almost the same population as OSU’s History department!

          • joe from Lowell

            There is no way Albany is 50. Not even close…Albany is probably in the upper half.

            That is depressing to think about.

      • Denverite

        OK, if we’re going to do this. Of the state capitals I’ve been to:

        1. Austin
        2. Denver
        3. Madison
        4. Boston
        5. Albany
        6. Santa Fe
        7. Nashville
        8. Des Moines
        9. Sacramento
        10. Lincoln
        11. St. Paul
        12. Columbus
        13. Hartford
        14. Cheyenne
        15. Annapolis
        16. Jackson
        17. Springfield
        18. Phoenix
        19. Little Rock
        20. Oklahoma City

        • postmodulator

          Sort of hurts to not beat Des Moines or Lincoln.

          • Denverite

            I’ve done the Denver-Chicago drive seven times and usually stop in one or the other. I’m kind of a fan of both.

        • St. Paul is more than a little too low on this list. Admittedly the weather is atrocious 6 months of the year.

          • Denverite

            I’m not giving St. Paul any credit for Minneapolis.

          • Rob in CT

            My wife, who goes there on business 2-3 times a year, speaks highly of St. Paul. But I could see knocking it down due to the winters.

        • Denverite

          Forgot Indianapolis (slot it in between Hartford and Columbus) and Baton Rouge (slot it in between Cheyenne and Annapolis).

        • DocAmazing

          You should visit Salem. Parts are very nice indeed.

          • Meh. It’s like the 12th best city in Oregon.

        • joe from Lowell

          I’m surprised; I’ve heard good things about Annapolis.

    • Vance Maverick

      Didion brings the most refined eyerolls. She wasn’t talking about the city of Sacramento as we know it either, but of a Central Valley of the mind.

      • Lee Rudolph

        And who can forget Anaïs Nin’s Sacramento Delta of Venus?

      • The Dark Avenger

        “I woke up this morning and felt fine. What the hell is wrong with me?”

    • njorl

      …but nicer than Springfield.

      Pffft. Even Shelbyville is nicer than Springfield.

    • sparks

      Interesting that you mention the run-down neighborhoods first.

      • Denverite

        I did because according to the article, the piece makes a big deal of Kevin Johnson growing up in a “rough” part of Sacramento.

        [ETA: Actually, the scare quotes around rough are probably inappropriate. For all I know, Johnson did grow up in a tough neighborhood.]

        • sparks

          Oak Park was mostly a rough neighborhood then, though it depended on exactly where you lived. Parts were pretty good (our family went grocery shopping there before the supermarkets abandoned the area).

          There were worse areas even in the ’70s, though.

  • mirele

    In addition to all his other sins, Kevin Johnson has been very kissy-kissy with Scientology, well past the time when people know or should have known that Scientology is an organization you want to stay very far from. Glad to see him brought down for other reasons, though.

  • Cheap Wino

    It’s so painful watching KJ be such a royal asshole. I loved him as a player. Really good on Deadspin for chronicling his awfulness.

  • Warren Terra

    United Passions is available for streaming on Netflix (I wonder who paid whom for that?), and I’ve sometimes been halfway tempted out of curiosity. But while the story of its creation is ludicrous, I suspect the film itself would be boring. Also, why bump up its numbers in any way?

    • D.N. Nation

      One of the film’s climatic moments occurs when FIFA gets a Coke partnership and no I am not kidding.

      • Wait, have you seen it?

      • JustRuss

        So it’s like Atlas Shrugged, only worse?

    • Scott Lemieux

      Hey, if I can take one for the team and watch that Viola Davis teacher-union-busting thing, you can watch United Passions.

  • jeer9

    After ESPN’s embarrassing carrying of water for Goodell in Ballghazi, I’m not sure why one should be surprised at a lack of judgment from them. It’s not as if they practice journalism.

    • Right?

    • Murc

      ESPN’s many-tentacled media empire seems to be a weird mish-mash of guys who take their entertainment reporting seriously in a really bad way, seriously in a really good way, and not seriously at all.

  • Darkrose

    The New Republic piece doesn’t mention that in addition to his other ratfuckery, KJ has used the city’s legal team to try to block the Sacramento News and Review from accessing FOIA records, going so far as to sue SN&R.

    And no, KJ’s not all that popular here. His “strong mayor” ballot measure went down in flames, but it was too late to stop the fucking stadium deal. I’d always wondered how that got passed given that voters overwhelmingly rejected it the last time it was on the ballot, and now that I know, I’m even more furious about it that I was before. The library branch near us is open 36 hours a week because they can’t afford longer hours, and we’re spending millions on a stadium for a crappy team that residents don’t even get a say in?

    I should have dumped my coffee on him when I saw him in Starbucks a couple of months ago. Fucker.

  • sonamib

    (I’m pretty sure Gerard Depardieu just jumped in front of Michael Caine in the queue for the Indiscriminate Script Approval Hall of Fame.)

    What about Sean Connery, who came out of retirement just to star in an incredibly ugly-looking Scottish animation?

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