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And Now, the Punchline

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casablanca-your-winnings-shocked

Of the many ways one could react to the Daily Tucker’s rule forbidding bloggers from criticizing people who pay Tucker Carlson, this is one of them:

Carlson’s noisy (and controversial) aspiration to build an institution on an equal journalistic footing as The New York Times would appear to be abandoned.

Right, until yesterday it was entirely plausible that Tucker Carlson was building a peer of the New York Times. But now that he’s forbidden Mickey Kaus form attacking Fox News from the right, one may have to start questioning his heretofore unassailable integritude.

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  • jim, some guy in iowa

    lot of news in that excerpt. had no idea carlson had those kind of aspirations, or that they inspired ‘controversy’ instead of laughter

  • Aimai

    I suddenly feel like watching Casablanca again.

    • DrS

      A worthy response to many, many of the things that life throws at us.

    • dmsilev

      Horrible thought: Combine the Republican Reagan-worship with the steady improvements in computerized graphics, and soon some aspiring conservative film-maker will try to make that legend of “Ronald Reagan was supposed to play Rick’ into a reality.

      And it will suck. Well and truly and thoroughly suck.

      • Malaclypse

        It will be like the last episode of MASH, or the last season of BSG, or the Star Wars prequels, or the Star Trek reboot: one of many cultural artifacts that people erroneously insist exist.

        • But not as wonderfully awful as the Star Wars Holiday Special.

          • tsam

            Funny–so many eyes had to have seen these things through conception, writing and production. Yet they still end up out for public Consumption ridicule.

        • mikeSchilling

          Or the supposed other novel Steinbeck wrote set in Cannery Row.

        • wjts

          one of many cultural artifacts that people erroneously insist exist.

          I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe. Ronald Reagan starring in Casablanca. I watched Tom Selleck glitter in the dark near the Temple of Doom. All those moments will be lost in time… like tears in rain… Time to die.

          • dmsilev

            I trust you’re aware that planning is underway for a Blade Runner sequel?

            It will likely suck.

      • rea

        Ronald Reagan as Rick would be ridiculous casting; Ronald Reagan as Victor Lazlo, maybe.

        • The Dark Avenger

          I believe it was actually George Raft, like Bogar,t he’d had a history of playing gangster roles. I can’t remember why Raft was unavailable.

          • jim, some guy in iowa

            i think raft just didn’t like the script, something like that. huston was supposed to be relieved because he preferred bogart anyway

            • Hogan

              Michael Curtiz directed Casablanca. I don’t think there were any Hustons involved.

              • jim, some guy in iowa

                damn, you’re right. i’ve got casablanca botched with the fricken maltese falcon. which would be a bizarre mashup of a movie

                • Hogan

                  Let’s see . . . Bogart frames Claude Rains and lets Mary Astor fly off with Sidney Greenstreet?

                • mikeSchilling

                  Or he sends Ingrid Bergman to prison.

          • Tangential to the topic, but casting related.

            • mikeSchilling

              That could have worked. Bob Newhart as the Chief, Bill Daily as Larabee, Susan Pleshette as 99.

        • sparks

          If you read Variety of that era, you find all sorts of improbable casting announced by the studios. Later squibs would call the changes. Sometimes there’d even be a third.

          If you read Variety of the silent era through early sound, plenty of films were announced with casts and never were made at all.

  • keta

    Bog’s blue balls, that pull quote is golden. Fucking GOLDEN.

    Thanks for this. Put a smile on my face that will last and last…

  • calling all toasters

    This just in: a five-year-old’s attempt to build a Lego castle up to the sky appears to have been abandoned.

    • ChrisTS

      And, not because a fearful god decided it was getting too close.

      • jim, some guy in iowa

        “whom the gods would destroy, they first take away the legos”

    • tsam

      Because the Lego on the bottom decided it was tired of holding up the tower?

  • shawn k

    So Kaus was prevented from saying that Fox was too devoted to overhyping ISIS to be able to fulfill its duty to oppose immigration and amnesty. What a weird, although completely Kausian, way to fall on your sword. Live by the triple bank shot, die by it, I guess.

    Where will I turn to for poorly written and highly improbably “theories” on how completely unrelated events are part of a complex plan to sneak amnesty past an unsuspecting public?

    • The Dark Avenger

      WND?

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      Weekly World News?

      Oh wait, they stopped (paper) publication. And you said “poorly written”. Never mind.

  • Joe_JP

    I like that Salon article.

    “Say what you will about Kaus, but at least he stands for something.”

    Tucker can’t meet such principle!

    • Hogan

      longtime internet user Mickey Kaus

      I will never stop laughing at that.

    • tsam

      The dude does not abide

  • Rob Patterson

    Welch had to be kidding in that pull-quote.

  • Latverian Diplomat

    There’s a difference between having a (delusional) “aspiration to build an institution on an equal journalistic footing as The New York Times” and actually having an objectively plausible way to accomplish that.

    That said, I don’t think Carlson is less delusional or less dishonest today than he was yesterday, so the “aspiration” probably remains intact, and the prospect of achieving it remains laughably improbable. Nothing is changed by this.

    For someone like Carlson, stomping on a friend to protect their own paycheck is not a troubling, life-changing event that triggers a re-examination of goals and dreams; it’s just another Wednesday.

  • Gwen

    Tucker Carlson got close to Times-level epicness in one respect — I’m sure he’d just love to publish badly-written scandalmongering pieces about the Clintons.

    • Hogan

      Burn.

  • Laugh all you want at Carlson thinking he was going to compete with the Paywalled Lady, but there is something undeniably patriotic, if not quite commendable, in being a completely shameless huckster. Tucker’s little wingnut welfare tap has long had a “slideshow” component running down it’s right side. There are ten displayed. Currently nine of them are hot women, typically in bikinis. Sample headlines:

    Here Are Ten Of America’s Hottest Doe-Eyed Beauties [SLIDESHOW]

    It’s OK, Hillary. These Hot Models Use Their Personal Emails, Too [SLIDESHOW]

    Hey Iran, Why Would You Want To Bomb Bar Refaeli? [SLIDESHOW]

    It’s ‘Save Your Vision’ Month, So Here’s The Hottest Eye Exam Ever

    Now You’re Speaking My Language: Eight Hotties Who Can’t Talk Back [SLIDESHOW] (NOTE: This one’s about hot furrin’ ladies who speak ‘Murican.)

    Amusingly, those are right next to “Why Did Facebook Block This Simple ‘I Am A Christian’ Ad?”, but it’s not like coveting is a sin or anything.

    The Daily Caller: come for the outrage, stay for the tatas.*

    *I might have my verbs backwards there.

    • rea

      Currently nine of them are hot women, typically in bikinis

      You do realize that it’s like the ads here–which ones you see depend an analysis of your revealed preferences?

      • Nope. Them there are actual “Daily Caller SLIDESHOWS”, owned operated originated & hosted by TheDC.

        Popular “articles” include:

        Krauthammer On Obama: ‘Clear’ He ‘Loathes Netanyahu More Than Any Other World Leader’ [VIDEO]
        ‘Do You Read This Stuff?’: Hugh Hewitt Questions Ben Carson’s Foreign Policy Chops [AUDIO]
        Former Maryland Concealed Carry Licensing Commander Talks About Being ‘Schooled’ By Gun Owners [VIDEO]
        New Report Finds ‘Palatability’ Problems, Higher Prices Led To School Lunch Decline
        ESPN’s Stephen A. Smith: All Black Americans Should Vote Republican One Year [AUDIO]
        Why Did Facebook Block This Simple ‘I Am A Christian’ Ad? — ‘I Was Shocked…’
        FLASHBACK: Dick Durbin’s Office Sought To Block Bush’s ‘Latino’ Court Nominee
        Michelle Obama’s Mom: Well, Okay, As Long As He’s Not ALL-White
        Dem Suggests Kids Should Be Drug-Tested Before They Can Inherit From Their Parents
        OWN IT: ‘ALL COPS ARE BASTARDS’ SIGN Shows Up At Nation’s Largest Teachers Union-Funded Protest [VIDEO]

        And of course, I only read it for the articles.

      • tsam

        LOL BUSTED. I don’t think that’s actually quite correct, though.

      • tsam

        Also-these ads aren’t even close to my “preferences”. I have never seen an ad women’s’ shoes or Elmo dolls.

    • Ken

      So not so much the New York Times as The Sun with their Page Three Girls.

  • toma

    The lithe and lengthy tentacles of Fox News are to be admired. I did some blogging for Alan Colmes for a little bit, and I made the mistake of criticizing Fox on his site. This is not allowed. Even though the place is called ‘Liberaland,’ cough.

    But then I imagine Michael Spinks is also somehow barred from criticizing Mike Tyson, or at least his fists.

  • mikeSchilling

    “I am, shocked, shocked to find out that there is journalism is going on in here!”

    “Your website, sir.”

    (scans it) “Never mind.”

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