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See, He Does So Have a Green Lantern!

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Shorter Daniel Henniger: The shocking

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wave of oppression on today’s campuses — including such manifestations of totalitarianism as someone writing an essay in an undergraduate newspaper — was caused by Barack Obama and his disgraceful campaign to reduce sexual assault.

Roy has more.

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  • Sorry.

    Me no “like-y?”

    Me no go to “link-y!”

  • njorl

    All of a sudden, the left has hit ramming speed across a broad swath of American life

    Quintus Obamicus: Battle speed!… Attack speed!… Ramming speed! …Waterskiing speed!

    • Autonomous Coward

      Also I’m not sure if I’d want to hang my argument on the proud American tradition of campus rape being undermined by the Kenyan Usurper.

      Just saying is all?

      • Anonymous

        That’s a very good indicator that you’re not a conservative Republican.

        • David Hunt

          That was me.

        • Autonomous Coward

          Well thank G-d, I was worried until I came back negative!

      • Also I’m not sure if I’d want to hang my argument on the proud American tradition of campus rape being undermined by the Kenyan Usurper.

        As the Marines like to say –

        Are you sure that’s the hill you want to die on?

    • dmsilev

      Give them a little bit of credit. They managed to use the word ‘ram’ without following it by “down our throats”. Progress, of sorts.

    • toberdog
      • Hogan

        No prisoners!

        • Tiny Hermaphrodite, Esq.

          Hey Hogan, glad to have you back. How was the cruise?

      • JustRuss

        If they hadn’t put the left on Double Secret Probation, none of this would have happened.

    • Pee Cee

      Light speed!

      No, light speed is too slow. We’ll have to go straight to … ludicrous speed!

  • libarbarian

    Wait a sec … Oberlin College actually proposed that it’s teachers “be aware of racism, classism, sexism, heterosexism, cissexism, ableism, and other issues of privilege and oppression.”

    Holy Shit! That’s fucked up. Conservatives have a deep philosophical/religious commitment to remain unaware of those things and it’s ridiculous that Oberlin is trying to force them to act against their core values.

    • Autonomous Coward

      I’m sure the Oberlin Conservative Union will unite against this.

      (Once they find each other.)

    • The Great God Pan

      By “being aware of” those issues, Oberlin meant that professors should, preferably, remove material that mentions or depicts those issues from their courses because they can be “triggering” for some students. Such “triggers” can include “a smell, song, scene, phrase, place, person, and so on.”

      Alternatively, for those “triggering” works that are “too important to avoid”–“Things Fall Apart” is given as an example–trigger warnings should be issued ahead of time and students should be allowed to avoid those materials without their grades being affected.

      Oberlin tabled the policy after it started being quoted around the internet.

      • Another Holocene Human

        I know there are some hot genital mutilation scenes and all in that book but I figure it would be more “triggering” to conservatives of all stripes who might have a little cognitive dissonance problem while reading it.

        I mean, there’s no “heroes” or “villains” just imperfect human beings making decisions based on the knowledge they have available and constrained by the politics of small town village life. It’s so awful!

      • So it was a proposal that was rejected? RAMMING SPEED indeed!

  • IM

    As recent pictures from the White House show, he also has an Iron Throne.

    • Origami Isopod

      That must be cold to sit on, on a chilly winter morning.

    • Another Holocene Human

      I am LMAO. I can’t believe they put that on an official feed. Stone. Cold.

      • Sly

        Not the first time a President has had this kind of fun. Conservatives accused FDR of acting like Caesar. Roosevelt responded by releasing the greatest birthday photo ever.

  • Anonymous

    the media Corporate Media cares about these stories in order to distract the public from the real problems. while people are focusing on these issues the Capitalist Class is getting rich and working families are going broke.

    • Bruce Baugh

      Because real people don’t get raped, nor does anyone they care about get raped, nor do they experience any sort of discrimination or prejudicial action except the sorts that are relevant to white male gentiles.

      • Another Holocene Human

        When you reject his wisdom he can go back to his roommates and brag about how he and “his generation” is the only true progressive/leftist/freedom fighter.

    • Origami Isopod

      Naked Capitalism down this evening?

    • Tom Servo

      Holy shit, not a trace of anti-Semitism to be found!

      But we both know who runs the media right? *wink*

  • sleepyirv

    I’m envious of persons who have the time and energy to become upset about editorials in college newspapers. I never found it in me to become that involved when I was undergrad. Though to be fair, I didn’t know there was money in it.

    • Tom Servo

      This reminds me of that Family Guy episode where either Meg or Chris (I forget) write an article about how Luke Perry is gay in their high school newspaper. And Luke Perry is shown lounging by his pool reading a stack of high school newspapers and finds it.

      • IM

        “Now I will read all high school newspapers in the US to see if I am mentioned”

  • Gwen

    “If it’s possible for the left to have its John Birch moment, we’re in it.”

    I nominate that as an addition to the LGM quote rotator.

    • Scruffy

      Second.

      • Malaclypse

        Yep.

    • Hob

      Does that mean that an obscure leftist missionary has been shot in a foreign country and we’re going to name a group of crazy people after him?

      (Science fiction trivia of the day: in John Sladek’s satire The Müller-Fokker Effect, the Birch Society equivalent is named after a guy called Jess Hurch, which they think proves they’re on a divine mission because “Jess Hurchist” is an anagram for “Jesus H. Christ.”)

      • Yes, I suggest the Che Guevara Society as a fitting name for your new group.

        • DrS

          Naw…we could never get the official t-shirt design worked out.

      • Bill Murray

        John Sladek wrote some great stuff. Tik Tok is one of my favorite books ever

    • pseudalicious

      “Ye best start believing in John Birch moments, Miss Turner — yer in one!”

  • efgoldman

    Henniger hasn’t met a fact since he was in high school.

  • Mike G

    People fingered as out of line with the far left’s increasingly bizarre claims are being hit and hit hard.

    Shorter Henniger: “I can’t hate on minority groups any more without them pushing back. Why can’t they suffer in shame and silence like the good old days.”

    The smug arrogance of the proudly-intolerant as they whine that they’re not receiving sufficient tolerance from the people they hate.

    • catclub

      So THAT was why Lloyd Blankfein was under the bridge, scrounging for aluminum cans.

    • TT

      Who let the dogs out?….The answer is not university presidents. The answer is that the Obama administration let the dogs out.

      Nobody let the dogs out, jackass, but we do know who loves whistling at them.

      • TT

        I also managed to find bootleg footage of Henninger hiring James Taranto.

      • The prophet Nostradumbass

        I believe the Baha Men let the dogs out.

  • Malaclypse

    I do think it is almost cute the way that TGM has found a copy of Roget’s Anti-Semitic Thesaurus and is frantically trying to find new phrases now that he’s realized that “rootless cosmopolitan” and “internationalist bankers” were not, in fact, subtle dog-whistles.

    • efgoldman

      Hey, he hasn’t called us kikes of Christ killers yet. It means he as some kind of inhibition, somewhere.

      • efgoldman

        “or” Christ killers. OR.

        • Col Bat Guano

          I kind of liked “kikes of Christ killers”. Song title maybe?

          • Origami Isopod

            Band name. Klezmer thrash.

            • Hogan

              So, Gogol Bordello?

              • Inner Partisan

                Well, they’re Rootless Cosmopolitans alright. Also, Eugene Hütz is a member of the one group the oldschool far right hates even more than the Joos.

      • njorl

        I think he’s going for euphemisms. “Christ Killers” doesn’t really leave any wiggle room on the anti-semitism. He should use “banksters” next. It was adopted in good faith after 2008, but during the depression it was used mostly to tar Jews with the hatred directed at bankers.

    • Hob

      I don’t think being subtle was his intention at all, he just thought it was a cute game to post all that shit without literally saying the word “Jews.”

  • JL

    “It’s obvious that the far left has decided there are no longer constraints on what it can do to anyone who disagrees with it.”

    If the far left decided this I’m pretty sure the end result would be more dramatic than some Title IX stuff, some people deciding not to use Firefox while Brendan Eich was CEO of Mozilla, and some student newspaper editorials.

    • JustRuss

      You left out forcing a tycoon to sell his sports franchise for a profit of several hundred million dollars. Just. Like. Hitler.

    • Sly

      You joke, but all those strategies were clearly outlined by SDS in the Port Huron Statement.

      The original, not the compromised second draft.

  • Dr Ronnie James, DO

    This just proves it: no matter how awful, fluffy and inane NYT’s op-ed page gets, WSJ is publishing 1 or more items that are vastly worse on that same day and every other.

  • Origami Isopod

    Anyway, as for the Wall Street Urinal piece – I got out of the boat for the comments. The mangoes are maggoty.

    James Doppelheuer wrote:

    Is there anything more frightening than an “unleashed” liberal woman?

    • Another Holocene Human

      In bed?

    • wjts

      Dracula?

      • Warren Terra

        Dracula with a gun!

    • DocAmazing

      A leashed one?

    • IM

      So telling

  • Megalon

    Former Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice withdrew as Rutgers’s speaker after two months of protests over Iraq, the left’s long-sought replacement for the Vietnam War.

    What? I mean it. Just what in the fuck is THAT supposed to mean?

    An online protest tried to kill Condi Rice’s appointment to the Dropbox board of directors over Internet surveillance.

    When an academic community observes research promoting or justifying
    oppression, it should ensure that this research does not continue.

    The agreement orders the school to retain an “Equity Consultant” (yes,
    there is such a thing) to advise it indefinitely on compliance. The
    school must, with the equity consultant, conduct “annual climate
    surveys.”

    Oh the Brutality! Truly, Obama is the modern Robespierre, the Stalin of the new century, the Kenyon Kim Il Sung! I can only weep for his victims.

    Man, that whole thing was absolutely nuts, not to mention pathetic. The outrages he rails against are all so piddly and unimportant. Talk about your first world problems.

    • Jordan

      I’d think lots of universities have equity consultants, honestly.

    • The main place I read people upset about the Condi thing was on Hacker News, which is not exactly a redoubt of the far left.

  • Superking

    I kind of think Scott Lemieux has beaten the “shorter” to death.

    And then kept going.

    • Tom Servo

      We eagerly await your substantive contribution

  • LeeEsq

    The people’s lantern is deepest green
    it haloed oft our martyred dead
    And ere their limbs grew stiff and cold,
    Their Vulcan hearts’ blood illuminated its ev’ry flair

    Chorus:
    Then raise the green lantern high
    Beneath its light we live and die,
    Though conservatives flinch and neo-liberal sneer,
    We’ll keep the green lantern shining here

    Look around, the Firedoglaker loves its blaze
    The sturdy Brogressive chants its praise
    In Internet’s vaults its praise was sung
    Chatrooms swell the surging throng

    Chorus

    It waived above our infant might
    When all ahead seemed dark as night;
    It witnessed many a deed and vow,
    We mustn’t change the color now

    It well recalls the comic books of the past
    It gives the hope to leftist geeks at last,
    The lantern bright, the symbol plain
    Of nerd right and nerd gain.

    Chorus

    It serves today the contrarian and base,
    Whose minds are fixed on heightening the contradictions
    To cringe before the Democratic Party’s frown,
    And dim the Green lantern down

    Chorus

    With lantern blaring swear we all
    To carry it onward till we fall;
    Come darkest night or elections grim,
    This song shall be our parting hymn.

    • wjts

      If you’ll permit me to step on your (excellent) joke:

      The POTUS’s lamp is brightest green
      Pure force of will its brilliant sheen.
      And should his agenda ever stall
      Upon its might he must needs call.

      So raise the emerald lantern high
      By its lambent light we’ll ever vie.
      Through judges’ moans and the Senate’s fear
      We’ll keep a green lamp shining here.

      In brightest day, in darkest night,
      No obstruction shall escape its sight;
      Let those who worship Congress’s might
      Beware its power: Green Lantern’s light!

      So raise the emerald lantern high
      By its lambent light we’ll ever vie.
      Through judges’ moans and the Senate’s fear
      We’ll keep a green lamp shining here.

      It lit the path of the Roosevelts last,
      Who never failed to get things passed.
      No court or Congress marred their reign
      And now we sing the chorus again.

      So raise the emerald lantern high
      By its lambent light we’ll ever vie.
      Through judges’ moans and the Senate’s fear
      We’ll keep a green lamp shining here.

      With minds uncluttered swear we all
      To praise the lantern ’til we fall.
      Come filibuster dark or cloture grim,
      This song shall be our parting hymn.

      So raise the emerald lantern high
      By its lambent light we’ll ever vie.
      Through judges’ moans and the Senate’s fear
      We’ll keep a green lamp shining here.

      • LeeEsq

        +1. Your version of the joke works better than my version and can be sung in tune.

        • mds

          I love both of you. In a mostly Platonic sense.

          • IM

            A new LGM hymn.

            Best we use both versions.

            • lillois

              Lumper!

  • Brandeis terminated its invitation to Somali writer Hirsi Ali, whose criticisms of radical Islam violated the school’s “core values.”

    I thought it had more to do with her proposal to bar Muslims from immigrating into Western countries, but what do I know?

    • IM

      and ignore little things like constitutions.

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