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Our Future Leaders

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It certainly seems to me that a huge percentage of our leaders, whether in business, politics, university presidents, or whatnot are former fraternity members. Theoretically sorority members too, but who are we kidding. Glass ceiling! Anyway, the next generation of leaders from the University of Tennessee really inspire confidence in the future…

As medical personnel treated a University of Tennessee student for severe alcohol poisoning from a bizarre consumption method, UT police walked into a drunken scene at a campus fraternity, records show.

Officers early Saturday found several young men at the Pi Kappa Alpha house, 1820 Fraternity Park Drive, passed out in their rooms “and bags from wine boxes, some empty and some partially empty, strewn across the halls and rooms.”

Authorities think Alexander P. Broughton, 20, of Memphis, who had a blood-alcohol level thought to be “well over” 0.40 percent, ingested the alcohol by a method known as “butt chugging,” in which wine was inserted directly by a tube into his rectum for quick and potent absorption.

….

“Upon extensive questioning it is believed that members of the fraternity were using rubber tubing inserted into their rectums as a conduit for alcohol as the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the blood stream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver,” DeBusk stated in a news release Monday.

I don’t know why I even bother commenting on this. But first, if you are going to insert a tube up your ass and dump alcohol into it in order to get as drunk as humanely possible with great rapidity, why would you even bother with wine? Why wouldn’t you buy a bottle of the cheapest vodka on the market?

Second, the image of a bunch of frat guys shoving rubber tubes up each others asses and then dumping alcohol in the tubes does what I thought was in fact impossible–lower my opinion of the greek system.

On the other hand, you have to admit that we have some fine candidates to be solons in the Tennessee state legislature.

….Also, while we lack concrete evidence that Glenn Reynolds bought the wine for this UT Young Republican night of pranks, it would be irresponsible not to note that we also can’t rule it out.

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  • TT

    Apropos of the earlier post on sex workers, if you’re going to pay somebody for their friendship, getting some nookie in return strikes me as a much better, healthier, and more enjoyable alternative than alcohol poisoning. And it’s not as if you can’t still run for office, as Mr. Vitter ably demonstrated.

  • Julian

    On the other hand, you have to admit that we have some fine candidates to be solons in the Tennessee state legislature.

    Solon of the colon.

    I take no joy in this.

    • Sev

      Butt surely this is why our Capitols are colon-aided, to remind these scholars and gentlemen of the sources of their wisdom.

      • herr doktor bimler

        If life gives you colons, make colonnade!

        • firefall

          Bearing that in mind, I think I’ll keep my umbrella UP when strolling the cloistered groves of academe

        • Not interested in what vomiting looks like in these circumstances.

      • Sev

        Unfortunately, I had some further thoughts on this subject, considering those ancient species from whom we all descend, which had no distinct mouth and anus, but a single aperture to the digestive sack, through which, after extracting the nutrients from their food, they shit/vomit the remnants, so that their motto, if they had one, might be: “We do shit where we eat.”. Possibly, possibly, these young scholars were seeking inspiration from those ancient ancestors.

  • SP

    “bags from wine boxes”
    Ann? Is that you?

  • why you even bother with wine?

    We must assume tasting was in the offing. Somehow.

  • DrDick

    FWIW, the Aztecs and some other Mesoamerican Indians used a similar technique to induce a trance state and hallucinations, though with the much lower alcohol pulque and corn beer. On the other hand this is pretty much what I would expect of the Greeks.

    • sparks

      Gives that old fraternity rush “Greek Week” a whole new meaning.

    • herr doktor bimler

      Cactus-juice enemas* were not unknown among the friends of my misspent youth, but that was because boiled-down San Pedro cactus tastes so disgusting that anything is better than absorbing it by mouth.

      * OK, enemata.

      • DrDick

        Try eating peyote. Yuck!

        • transparent pseudonym

          chewing and swallowing a gram or so of hashish is …
          another thing I did forty-nump years ago

          fresh-frozen-but-decayed-in-handling pscilocybin mushrooms are another thing that’s hard to choke down

          • Elias al-Ibi

            Try 1.7g of hard Eurohash, and then find out the cops only want to know if you’ve seen anything.
            You should get those mushrooms in hot water.

          • herr doktor bimler

            Wait, what, do they go off after handling??
            [checks freezer]

      • herr doktor bimler

        I must politely decline the offer.
        Cacti do not synthesise mescaline with the goal of pleasing the palate.

        • DrDick

          They also make you pay for it by throwing up.

        • firefall

          Clearly this needs rectification with an extensive research & breeding program

          • Funkula

            Hur hur rectification.

          • transparent pseudonym

            It’s probably easier just to make friends with the long-haired postdoc in biochem engr.

    • thusbloggedanderson

      Greek-style, as they say.

  • Vance Maverick

    “Humanely” is not the adjective that came first to my mind. I suppose it’s a slippery continuum from kegstands to hazing.

  • Sherm

    why would you even bother with wine?

    Resveratrol?

  • Hob

    Well over .4%? Jesus Christ, that idiot is lucky to be alive.

    As a point of reference, a blood alcohol level of .4% is about what a 180-pound guy would get from drinking eighteen (18) beers in half an hour.

    • Philip

      0.40 or 40%. Not 0.40%

      • Hob

        Yes, it is 0.40% – that is, 0.004. Such a number does exist.

        A blood alcohol of 40% would only happen if you were the victim of fraternity vampires who instilled it directly into your veins in order to get wasted on your blood.

        • Captain Haddock

          Math! It wins!

      • Walt

        Vodka itself is around 40%, so that would be an impressive achievement.

      • Pseudonym

        McMegan? Did the box wine give your calculator gastritis again?

  • At least we can brag on our Football. . ., oh, wait. We have a top notch law faculty. Shit, forget it.

  • Chet Manly

    Why wouldn’t you buy a bottle of the cheapest vodka on the market?

    Franzia boxed wine is by a mile the cheapest alcohol generally available. It’s something like 50 cents/per 1.5 oz of alcohol content versus about 90 cents for Popov vodka.

    Jesus, every time I start thinking I’m fully aware of how damn stupid people are they come up with something new and I realize I’m still not cynical enough.

    • West of the Cascades

      “Franzia boxed wine is by a mile the cheapest alcohol generally available.”

      Presumably why it’s Ann Althouse’s buttchug of choice?

    • Adam

      Some of it is the taxes. Federal taxes on beer and wine are lower as a % of alcohol than on liquor (and wine even lower than beer). I seem to recall this being a thing against HW Bush, that he cut taxes on the wealthy by only raising federal taxes on beer. Plus, if you are in a state trying to encourage wine-making, there could be additional tax breaks or subsidies.

      I will leave it to someone else to figure out how to make a joke out of this, as I have not had my coffee. Probably something along the lines of these guys must be elitist, socialist moochers.

      • Malaclypse

        No taxation without representation butt-chugging!

      • herr doktor bimler

        I have not had my coffee

        There are faster ways to do that…

    • spud

      I would think there is probably more of a “burning” factor with vodka as well when taken in such a fashion. Cheap vodka is only a couple of steps removed from rubbing alcohol.

    • Left_Wing_Fox

      I’m assuming the fact that it comes in bags is also relevant to the method of ingestion.

  • Richard

    “Why wouldn’t you buy a bottle of the cheapest vodka on the market?”

    Not that up to date on box wine but I was once reliably informed by the proprietor of a skid row liquor store that the cheapest way to get drunk was fortified wine – in particular Four Roses White Port. Analyzing alcohol content and price, he said this was a cheaper way to get drunk than the cheapest vodka.

    • Cody

      I’m upset by the naming of this win. I recently enjoyed Four Roses Small Batch Bourbon which is both amazing and well-priced.

      Where do these wine makers get off taking the Four Roses name!?

      • sparks

        I think Rotgut was taken.

      • catclub

        I think Four Roses appears in Paper Moon.

  • Steve

    So what medical procedure is appropriate to help victims of butt chugging? Since presumably stomach pumping would be unhelpful…

    • Hob

      Whatever’s still in there, you flush out with an enema. Then it’s just the same as you’d do if they drank it the regular way: supportive care with IV fluids, make sure they’re breathing, wait for it to metabolize– although in really extreme cases you might have to do dialysis. Not much you can do about the liver damage.

  • laura

    Let me get this straight: these guys ass-f***ed themselves with wine bags? Because they wanted to be drunk without drinking? Also, not being a medical professional, does blood alcohol of.4 actually mean your blood content is 40% alcohol? Because if so, how did the guy survive it?

    • laura

      Sorry; I see now it’s .4%. That makes more sense.

    • Richard

      .4 blood alcohol is very often deadly but not necessarily so. If this was the guy’s first drunk at this level, he would likely have died but people build up a tolerance to excessive driving. Many, many years ago, I represented a woman charged with drunk driving who had a .36 level on her blood test. She told me it was just an average night for her.

      • Hob

        Excessive driving bothers me even more than it used to. Take the train, people.

      • Emily

        Highest I’ve had (from a client, not myself) was .44. That person was laying on the ground.

      • Snarki, child of Loki

        Her name was “Althouse”, right?

        You don’t have to say anything, just nod.

  • herr doktor bimler

    the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels present greatly heightens the level and speed of the alcohol entering the blood stream as it bypasses the filtering by the liver

    The fuck it does. Blood from the large intestine, colon & rectum goes into the inferior mesenteric vein, which joins the splenic vein, which joins the portal vein and gets filtered by the liver.

    Police today, do they receive NO anatomy training???

    • What if I drip it into my eyes?

      • herr doktor bimler

        IIRC the circulation from the palpebral veins joins up with the facial vein and eventually into the jugular vein. I don’t care what Owsley said about eyeball-dosing — it doesn’t go to the brain any more directly.

        • Richard

          So does the theory espoused here make sense – that the abundance of capillaries and blood vessels in the butt gets you drunk faster?

          • herr doktor bimler

            No. The large intestine lining does pump water out of feces back into the bloodstream, and other things are absorbed as well… but that pumping switches off when you have some alcohol in your bloodstream (alcohol turns down the level of anti-diuretic hormone, ADH — so you piss like a horse, paint the bowl brown, and have dehydration to add to your other woes). It’s self-limiting.

            OTOH, if you’re marooned at sea on a raft and have an enema kit, it’s a good way of getting some water into your system.

            • Richard

              So its the quantity of alcohol, not the place of consumption, that got these geniuses so fucked up?

            • herr doktor bimler

              I have known people to put a rubber tube down their throats and pump wine or beer straight into the stomach from a plunger. As a party trick. Parties did not last long.
              If the only evidence for butt-chugging is the word of some feckin’ campus cop, I’m skeptical that it actually happened.

              • Rob

                While it maybe urban legend, such activities have been talked about in the past.

            • witless chum

              This was what I’d read previous when this was put around as something female college students were doing to avoid calories when getting drunk. That it woldn’t actually work.

            • Hob

              It may be self-limiting, but you can still get it in pretty fast for a little while, no? About the absorption though… my physiology is rusty but that doesn’t sound quite right. The rectal mucosa isn’t the same as in the large intestine, and it does absorb fat-soluble things faster than the stomach. Fluid pumping has nothing to do with it, it’s just osmosis. I don’t think ADH affects the GI tract in the way you’re suggesting, either. But please correct me if any or all of that is absurdly wrong.

              • Hob

                I mean diffusion, not osmosis, sorry.

              • herr doktor bimler

                I was taught that the low ADH was the reason for the ummm fluid stools after a night on the turps.

                MORE RESEARCH IS NEEDED.

          • Bill Murray

            Well, if the capillaries were the only issue, I think it would be correct. But clearly the number of capillaries is not the only issue

            • As HDB points out, if you are absorbing alcohol at the capillary, you are always going to filter it through the liver first, blood only flows one way, arteries->capillaries->veins. Veins all lead to the liver. Maybe bypassing the stomach is faster but the stomach holds so much more than your ass (okay that may not be true for say Rush Limbaugh) that it seems unlikely.

        • Red_cted

          No, however, butt chugging your LSD avoids that “acid stomach” sensation–so I’m told.

    • Timb

      Can I array this comment?

      • Timb

        Stupid autocorrect

        Marry

        • Captain Haddock

          Send it to the stars.

    • JL

      Police today, do they receive NO anatomy training???

      After the NATO summit protests in Chicago this past May, police claimed that protesters with baton-induced head injuries were faking it because some of the injuries appeared to be spurting blood, and blood doesn’t spurt! ergo fakery.

      So I am inclined to say that no, they do not receive anatomy training.

      • BigHank53

        On the bright side, it also means a lot of them aren’t hitting people in the head very often, and aren’t familiar with the results.

        Okay, that’s not so much “bright” as “faint glimmer in the stygian gloom”.

  • herr doktor bimler

    As any fule kno (who has watched “Welcome Back Kotter”) the rubber hose goes up the nose. Someone here is not clear on the concept.

    • firefall

      Molesworth rides again

  • I just want to put it on record that I did my undergrad at UT Knoxville and I never saw this kind of thing. Though I didn’t spend any time in frat houses. So I guess it’s possible it was going on while I was there.

    Anyway, I met a lot of very capable people there. Some would be fine leaders. And I’m pretty sure they didn’t/don’t chug beer with their asses. Please don’t judge us all based on this incident.

    • Sorry, it’s done.

    • mark f

      Cool story, Beerbutt.

      • Bas-O-Matic

        So I guess beerbutt leads to whiskey dick.

    • I already did!

    • Charles

      While I was in grad school at UT, two undergrad friends of mine decided to find out just how fast they could drink a fifth of Jim Beam.

      It took them about ten minutes to finish the bottle, and they were both unconscious within another ten minutes. They did manage to start a fairly decent drunken brawl within that time.

      • Red_cted

        Jim Beam: so much better than the Harley of whiskeys, Jack Daniels.

    • Big Al

      Keep in mind that Loomis did (er, I mean spent) some time in Knoxville and claims (or at the very least, prior to this story, claimed) an abiding fondness for the town.

  • somethingblue

    Y’know, the Darwin Awards are named that for a reason.

    • catclub

      Darwin a butt-drunk? I did not know that.

      • Bill Murray

        I think that was Darwin’s cousin Francis Galton when he was testing which country had the most beautiful women

  • SatanicPanic

    This reminds me of an interview with Nikki Sixx where he was talking about how his band was shooting up whiskey- “you know, we could have just drank it.”

  • I think this finally explains why Glenn “Instapundit” Reynolds was able to achieve tenure at that institution.

    • Snarki, child of Loki

      ..and also why “Instapundit” is a synonym for “butt-chugger”

      • Well of course, due to the proximity of his butt to his head . . .

  • Otter

    Loomis,

    You can’t hold a whole fraternity responsible for the behavior of a few, sick twisted individuals. For if you do, then shouldn’t we blame the whole fraternity system? And if the whole fraternity system is guilty, then isn’t this an indictment of our educational institutions in general? I put it to you, Loomis — isn’t this an indictment of our entire American society? Well, you can do whatever you want to us, but we’re not going to sit here and listen to you badmouth the United States of America. Gentlemen!

    • Peter Hovde

      Did we pump *some* booze up our asses? Yes, we did (wink).

    • NBarnes

      Except (ignoring the reference) that Loomis is HIMSELF part of the educational system of America! Erik, the responsibility for this falls directly on your head! Why are you contributing to this epidemic of butt bongery among our impressionable youth?

      • Walt

        Ignoring the reference is ignoring America! Gentlemen!

        • Did Loomis surrender when the Germans bombed Pearl Harbor?

          • Woodrowfan

            you can’t spend your whole life worrying about your mistakes! You fucked up… you trusted us!

            Oh wait, if Rmoney wins (shudder) isn’t that going to be his reelection slogan in 2016>

            • Malaclypse

              And when he loses?

              Christ. Seven years of college campaigning down the drain. Might as well join the fucking Peace Corps.

            • stevo67

              Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life, son.

      • thusbloggedanderson

        Self-hating liberal.

  • Gareth Wilson

    Red or white, I wonder?

    • Keaaukane

      Brown, I think.

  • BlogWood

    lol – I knew some boys in Tampa in the ’80’s that liked to dose themselves with a good vodka enema or two before heading out for a night on the town. I don’t think they were frat boys, but I’m pretty sure they’d be happy to meet some :)

  • dwreck

    I realize that the article doesn’t mention this, but my first thought is that hazing was involved. After all, don’t a lot of hazing activities involve getting pledges life-threateningly drunk? Making them ingest the alcohol anally would presumably be a feature for the humiliation. Otherwise, the frat bros in Tennessee are far more open-minded about being penetrated than I would have ever expected.

    • thusbloggedanderson

      Hm.

      DEAN: “Were you drinking?”

      FRAT: “No, sir!”

      Now I get it. Maybe. Kinda.

    • sparks

      If it were hazing, the pledges would have been required to felch the wine out of the members’ asses.

  • dwreck

    edit: well, the article mentions that the fraternity had been in trouble for hazing in the past, though does not outright say that is the case this time.

  • I’m pretty sure Serge Storms killed a guy this way in one of Tim Dorsey’s novels.

  • Big Al

    This comment thread, for the win….

  • rea

    straight people are so kinky, sometimes . . .

  • Brutusettu

    Once a Pike, always a….

    They should have had their charter revoked for hazing a few years back.

    There will always be certain kinds of idiots, yes there’s a higher concentration of them that go greek, but it’s a nice way to find teams for intramural sports (and I was going veer into an Animal House reference from there on, but it looks like Otter beat me to it).

  • spud

    Is Buttchugging a new internet tradition?

    • Malaclypse

      Rule 34 would imply it is an old tradition.

  • Halloween Jack

    You think that it’s just dipshit undergrads who try this sort of thing? Ladies and germs, I give to you Danielle Crittenden, aka Mrs. David Frum, and my sincerest apologies in advance.

    • BigHank53

      I clicked, even after your warning. I have no-one to blame but myself.

  • why would you even bother with wine? Why wouldn’t you buy a bottle of the cheapest vodka on the market?

    That’s easy.

    You can’t hang a bottle of vodka like an enema bag, which means some asshole (pun intended) has to stand there and pour it into you

    • Bill Murray

      wouldn’t they make a beer-butt-bong, with like a funnel or something?

  • Are butt-chuggers as insufferable about their preference for red as most wine connoisseurs are?

  • Butt seriously, doesn’t this whole thing just scream “Young Republicans Club?” Just the combination of it being completely tasteless and crude and gross and inappropriate and douchey…it’s so conservative-in-training.

    • Butt seriously, doesn’t this whole thing just scream “Young Republicans Club?”

      Well, there were a bunch of assholes involved, so… Yes.

  • “Show me on this doll where the Franzia touched you.”

  • Davis X. Machina

    I’m waiting for some facts to emerge, Until then it’s all innuendo. Or intheirendo. Depending.

    • Careful. Do you know where those facts have been?

  • Matt

    Why bother with wine? I dunno, but cheap vodka burns enough when it’s going down the *right* way – nevermind the way they were using.

    Also, I presume we’ll eventually see the Greek system tapering off at some point; it no longer seems necessary to have an excuse if you prefer to minimize your meaningful interactions with the opposite sex in favor of drunken ass-play with your same-sex buddies. Then again, it’ll probably take another couple decades for that sort of cosmopolitan outlook to fully take hold in the Bible Belt.

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