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Early Christmas Shopping

[ 87 ] June 3, 2012 |

Who else was clamoring for a painting of Andrew Breitbart as a Nordic knight?

Yours for as little as $49.95!!

Comments (87)

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  1. DocAmazing says:

    Does it come with a brass plaque engraved “Stopped rapynge people!”?

  2. c u n d gulag says:

    Finally, FINALLY, something worth taking down my velvet fat-Elvis painting for!

    Wait!
    It’s NOT velvet?

    Elvis stays.
    Right next to the dogs playing poker.

    I want to meet the idiot’s who’ll pay $3,995 for the large version of this “painting.”
    No.
    No, on second thought, I’d rather not. I know too many paste-and-poop eaters already.

  3. Anonymous says:

    I know how this ends; Hulk rag-dolls him. Uh, spoiler warning.

  4. Deggjr says:

    Nordic or Aryan?

  5. Barry Freed says:

    The only way it could possibly be any better would be for it to turn out that Thomas Kinkade Painter of Light™ actually painted it.

  6. Clark says:

    It’ll go great next to my praying George Bush picture.

  7. Aaron Baker says:

    Well, he was a Germanic race-baiter. That and a black dress uniform seem appropriate to me.

  8. Tucker says:

    Nope. Not biting. Not clicking on any of the links.

  9. Barry Freed says:

    PLEEZ TO POST SOMETHING NEW AND SEND THIS IMAGE DOWN THE PAGE WHERE IT BELONGZ I BEGZ YOU

  10. Bryan says:

    Isn’t this the painting from Ghostbusters II?

    • Warren Terra says:

      Now that would be a hilarious Photoshop for Tbogg’s contest.

      You might have to ‘shop in small Ghostbusters around the edges so people would get the reference.

  11. Jon H says:

    I like the stumpy T-Rex arm.

  12. dswift says:

    Nice photo. Needs credits. Leibovitz?

    Props especially to hair & makeup persons.

    Costume fail though. Armor looks like a 44L. AB was a 42 regular.

  13. Eomer says:

    Ok this town ain’t big enough for two Nordic Knights – time to get my sister onto his undead case.

  14. RepubAnon says:

    Aren’t those clouds from the pits of burning sulfur?

  15. Derelict says:

    I’m amazed at the number of buckles under the shoulder pad. Never seen that before, but I guess he needs all those bondage devices to keep his undead spirit up.

  16. LuckyJimJD says:

    This puts the S H I T in kitsch.

  17. thebewilderness says:

    The impression of wings is a clever touch. Aryan death angels never go out of fashion.

  18. Davis X. Machina says:

    Somebody made their saving roll against taste…..

  19. AlexDe says:

    No way. You put a fat, out of shape guy like Breitbart in heavy plate armor and he’s sure to have a heart attack.

    • bexley says:

      Well one of Henry VIII later suits of armour show that he had a 51 inch waist. The suit was made for a tournament so it seems he actually used the thing and survived.

      • thebewilderness says:

        Sure, cuz everyone tries to beat the king in a tournament, especially that particular king so well know for his patience and forbearance. You betcha.

        • bexley says:

          He still had to move about in the stuff even if nobody was trying very hard against him.

        • rea says:

          Henry VIII’s younger contemporary, Henri II of France, was killed while jousting in about 1559, so I wouldn’t assume that Henry VIII would have an easy time of it.

      • Alex says:

        Yeah, but Henry VIII got a lot of exercise hanging papists, beheading wives and the like sort of things.

        Breitcorpse just sat around eating donuts, drinking heavily and banging a keyboard.

  20. [...] The wingnut deification of the couldn’t-have-happened-to-a-nicer-guy Blartblart has jumped the…, a mere 90 days after the fucking disgraceful excuse for a human shuffled off his chubby, drunken, mortal coil. [...]

  21. herr doktor bimler says:

    Why is there a Hindenberg in the right-hand sky?
    Would it really have hurt to locate the sun so that it matched the reflected highlights?

    • bexley says:

      In the grand scheme of things wrong with that picture we can probably let that slide.

      From the length of his arms he’d have struggled to get his trousers on – presumably this is why it only shows his top half.

  22. Randy Paul says:

    Maybe they should do one of him as Loki . . .

  23. M. Bouffant says:

    Just so S. McG. isn’t accused of web-log pimping, I give you GOATSE BB. (Possibly NSFW.)

  24. Elric of Mediocrité, bearing his sword Slimebringer.

  25. bruce b says:

    So if I go to Valhalla I’ll lose the beer gut? Sign me up!

    Terribly ironic that the same site selling this sells “Christian” material as well. I guess now that the conservative Christians will be voting for a Mormon, the tent is big enough for Norse gods as well.

    Just don’t ask them to let a mosque in their neighborhood. That’s a bridge too far!

    • Loki says:

      the tent is big enough for Norse gods as well.

      “Many years ago, I convinced Breitbart of the Aesir that the reason for his impotence was that he was pregnant (he’s not very bright). And I told him to lie face down and naked on his sleeping furs until I came and delivered him of child. I was disguised as a wandering physician. So I fed him a gallon of castor oil, painted his arse blue and shoved a cork in his bum-hole. I told him it was the cure for his condition. Then I went off to sleep with his wife. So Breitbart is lying face down with a cork up his fundament for a week and a day, while his insides continue to rumble their course. And now he’s got a pain in his gut like you wouldn’t believe, as the pressure continues to build. I’d told him he might experience some pain. That it was common in pregnancy. Suddenly, into the room, through an open window, bounds Ratatosk, the squirrel who lives in the branches of the world tree. Ratatosk is curious as any little squirrel. And he climbs on top of Breitbart’s squirming, straining buttocks, and he—pulls out the cork. THRRRRRPPPPP! It’s an explosion—eight days’ worth of oiled shit thunders forth from the fundament of the Lord of Slime. And the mighty Breitbart sits up, and looks around, and sees Ratatosk on the ground, stunned, gassed, and befouled. And slowly, with hands as big as ham hocks, he picks up the little animal, and stares at it. And then, with one ponderous motion, he clasps it to his bosom. You’re ugly, he says, you’re hairy, and you’re covered in shit. But you’re mine, and I love you!

  26. greylocks says:

    Is that a snake on the badge?

  27. greylocks says:

    I knew I’d seen it before.

    Couldn’t possibly have been used without permission, could it? Nah. No way.

    • Fred_Wertham_Jr says:

      Great catch. So the problem isn’t that the arm is foreshortened incorrectly so much as Breitbart’s head is about twice as big as it should be. Appropriate.

    • herr doktor bimler says:

      Oh well done. Even on the plagiarised original, though, I am left to wonder why the dude is wearing a Agriculture-&-Pastoral Show First-Prize rosette as an off-centre belt buckle.

    • thebewilderness says:

      So they simply flipped it and photoshopped in the enormous mendacious disembodied head.
      I’m sure no one will notice until they have made enough money to pay for the lawsuit.

    • DoktorZoom says:

      Greylocks, I wrote a piece on Wonkette about this, and I’m sorry to have mis-attributed the first sighting of the similarity to the wrong blog! As far as I can tell, you mentioned it here, then thebewilderness posted it in the comments at Passthedoucheys, and then DCMartin commented on it on Mock, Paper, Scissors, which is what I mistakenly thought was the first sighting of the similarity. Before I ask the Wonkette editors to post a correction, I just want to nail down the source–would I be correct in giving credit for the catch to you?

      Citing your sources on the internet: Not so easy!

  28. Lee says:

    I think this picture is very good evidence about the connection between kitsch and fascism. Also, wasn’t Breibart Jewish? Isn’t depicting a Jew as a Nordic Knight rather high on the irony meter?

  29. West of the Cascades says:

    I don’t understand why there’s not an option available that includes a talking frame with selected audio clips from Sir Breitbart (“beHAVE yourselves!!”)

  30. Another Kiwi says:

    Brave Sir Breitbart, ran away.

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