Home / Robert Farley / This is Why Alabama Can’t Have Nice Things

This is Why Alabama Can’t Have Nice Things


This would never happen at Oregon:

A piece of history from the University of Alabama’s championship run was shattered on Saturday afternoon following the Crimson Tide’s annual A-Day scrimmage.

Alabama’s $30,000 crystal BCS trophy shattered into little pieces on Saturday when a player’s father tripped on a rug and knocked over the display table.
The Coaches’ Trophy from this season’s BCS national title was accidentally knocked off its podium and shattered by a player’s father whose foot got caught on a rug that sits beneath the trophy display. The Waterford crystal trophy was on display in the Mal Moore Athletic Facility halls, home to coach Nick Saban’s office and other athletic personnel.

Turn the trophy into a bong? Maybe. Let someone knock it over and break it? Never.

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  • Incontinentia Buttocks

    Then again, national championships in football never happen in Oregon, either.

    Boomer Sooner.

  • Bill Murray

    If the trophy had been broken in Oregon, it would have happened because Phil Knight was putting a Nike logo on it.

    • efgoldman

      …it would have happened because Phil Knight was putting a Nike logo on it.

      Doesn’t it already come that way? Like the jerseys, and the helmets, and the jockstraps, and the…

  • Y’know, I’m just thinking: I have a local bar softball league trophy sitting on a shelf in a locked cabinet.

    Apparently, the victory of McHale’s Bar and Grill in the MS 2010 New York City Tournament is more valuable to me than the BCS trophy to UAlabama.

  • blowback

    Does the University of Oregon actually have any trophies worth destroying?

    • firefall

      Someone broke into Manchester City’s Trophy room and stole the contents. Police are looking for a man carrying a large blue carpet.

      • I see what you did there.

      • blowback

        I’ve always thought of that as an Everton joke.

        • John

          Everton:Liverpool::Manchester City:Manchester United, no? So, basically, the same jokes ought to work for both.

      • Manju

        Someone broke into Sarah Palin’s library and stole the contents. Police are looking for a man carrying…

        • Anderson

          … a magazine rack.

        • MAJeff

          …all newspapers.

        • fasteddie9318

          …a copy of Goodnight Moon with several notes in the margins.

          • Ben Grimm

            .. and a bookmark on page 3.

        • Bill Murray

          1000 boxes of remaindered copies of Going Rogue

          or a package of Starburst candy

        • Her left palm

          • Manju


    • 1939 NCAA basketball title my friend.

      • blowback

        Was Oregon even a state then?

      • L2P


        Who’d they beat, Dartmouth?

        • Hogan

          CCNY, I think.

        • They beat those assholes from Ohio State, 46-33

          • And they beat Texas and Oklahoma to get to the finals. Given my predilections in football, I would love to see Oregon march through a playoff beating these three schools.

          • Hogan

            That should really be their official team name.

            • mark f

              Those Assholes from THE! Ohio State.

              • +1

              • Anderson

                Nah, back then they were an Ohio State.

          • L2P

            Then let me say: Go Ducks!

      • Anonymous

        1939 NCAA tournament championship. NIT champs Long Island University are generally considered the National Champions.

        • blowback

          Americans really are competitive – a championship for head lice.

  • booferama

    I’m surprised Bama hadn’t deep-fried the trophy yet.

    • R Johnston

      What makes you think they hadn’t?

  • Alan Tomlinson

    I wonder how many alumni from there are falling to their knees tonight and praying to God that this isn’t some sort of sign of the coming apocalypse.


    Alan Tomlinson

    P.S. The energy I spent typing that is energy that I will never get back.

  • KadeKo

    I like that it’s not the same as the plaque every NCAA winner gets; those are all identical.

    But it was only a matter of time before someone dropped a detachable glass football.

    • Incontinentia Buttocks

      That’s because it’s not an NCAA sanctioned chapionship.

      There is no NCAA Championship in D I-A (or whatever they’re calling it these days) football.

  • witless chum

    Auburn fans couldn’t figure out how to poison crystal and since Saban has been using a taster, they decided to break the trophy.

  • fasteddie9318

    Imagine if something like this happened to the Crack Baby Athletic Association’s championship trophy.

  • ploeg

    Turn the trophy into a bong? Maybe. Let someone knock it over and break it? Never.

    A bong? You poor fool! Wait till you see those goddamn bats.

  • Left_Wing_Fox

    “Sooo, Dad… Remember all the times you griped about me denting the Caddy door? Yeah, this is going on your tombstone. “

  • DocAmazing

    Two words: earthquake wax.

  • gaz

    Umm, I’m pretty sure the Alabama State Legislature is why they can’t have nice things. YMMV

  • ajay

    Turn the trophy into a bong? Maybe. Let someone knock it over and break it? Never.

    Knock it over accidentally? Never. Dent it badly while using it as the ball in a game of Impromptu Drunken Football on Princes Street? Maybe. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Calcutta_Cup

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