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The Greatest Scandal There Absolutely Ever Was, Except For Steroids!

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Look, I would like to bury this, but this is just too big to be suppressed: Barack Obama made his students read Derrick Bell, the legal academy’s preeminent Critical Race Theorist.. in a course dealing with Racism and the Law! Bell had all of these crazy radical ideas like “white supremacy was deeply embedded within American law” and “the effects of centuries of legalized and informal white supremacy did not immediately vanish on January 1, 1965.” I expect the impeachment votes in both the House and Senate to be unanimous.

I especially like the “made his students read” language. I guess wingers these days are hippie types who think doing class readings should be optional, man. Fortunately, earlier this semester I “made” my students read the majority opinion in Dennis v. United States, so my anti-communist and anti-civil liberties credentials should be sufficiently established to keep David Horowitz off my back. And I’ve taught Leviathan, so I should be able to get a sweet gig working under John Yoo for the Boehner administration after Obama and Biden are removed from office.

UPDATE! BREAKING! MUST CREDIT LGM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can reveal now that Comrade Barack Hussein Obama X made his students read the radical manifestos of Robert Bork and Lino Graglia! Impeachment, hell, he should be tried for treason.

I also infer from this reading list that Martin Luther King Jr. is no longer a conservative. This breaks with recent Republican dogma, which as Malaclypse notes holds that MLK was clearly a conservative “in the one and only speech that he gave, which was one sentence long.”

ANOTHER UPDATE!!!!!! I never thought I would say this, but these people are so stupid they might actually be dishonoring Andrew Breitbart’s memory. OMG, people who mourn civil rights heroes are allowed to be on the teevee now!

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  • My jerk professors made me read Erie Railroad v. Thompson and Pierson v. Post. Alinsky jerks.

  • I must make a confession.

    I am making my Civil War Era course read Eric Foner, noted proponent of racial equality, on Reconstruction.

    I call for URI to fire me for not having assigned William Archibald Dunning instead.

    • Scott Lemieux

      Wait, there’s been scholarship on Reconstruction that wasn’t by Dunning?

      • Yes, but it’s all produced by CPUSA.

      • Anderson

        Dunning wrote the scholarship; Foner wrote the propaganda.

        … A favorite joke of my late father’s:

        A young man was the new preacher at the local Baptist church, and he thought a condemnation of various vices would make a good opening sermon.

        When he spoke against alcohol, one regularly-attending lady called out, “preach it to them, that’s right!”

        Encouraged, he railed against smoking, and the same lady whooped, “tell those sinners, Preacher!”

        Further emboldened, he thundered against the evils of snuff – at which point the lady hollered not, but turned to her pew neighbor and sniffed, “that young man done quit preachin’ and gone to meddlin’.”

        To the GOP, the Dunnings are preaching, and the Foners are meddling.

  • wengler

    The funny thing is that Obama’s first-term in office has plenty to attack, but since almost all of his downfalls have been acceding to Republican desires(weak stimulus, HAMP, letting banksters off the hook) all they have is bad loan from the DOE and a bunch of stupid shit that they threw against the wall the last time that didn’t work.

    Don’t get me wrong, Mitt Romney is perhaps the whitest guy in America and that might be enough to get white people to vote for him in droves, but Obama has actually been President for three years. That counts for something.

    • jeer9

      Obama & Co.: A brand you can trust. Making the Johnson administration look better each and every day.

    • Yes, that. Obama had historic congressional majorities from 2009-2011. He gave us a health-insurance plan co-designed by the Heritage Foundation, lower taxes, and extremely mild regulation of the financial sector. He tried, but failed, to give us a carbon-emission reduction plan that used to set the hearts of conservative economists aflutter.

      But since we now know the he hugged Bell, we can be sure that he’ll jam through a host of radical, marxist, anti-honkey provisions if elected to a second term.

      The stupid doesn’t burn. It goes supernova, leaving behind a singularity from which no intelligence can escape.

      • Furious Jorge

        He tried, but failed, to give us a carbon-emission reduction plan that used to set the hearts of conservative economists aflutter.

        To be fair, conservative economists are a fickle bunch.

      • John

        Not to really dispute the basic argument, but it’s probably worth mentioning that the phony plans Republicans used to come up with when they wanted to come up with excuses to not support legislation proposed by Democrats are not the same thing as what Republicans actually do when they are in office.

        • Generally true, but Counterfactual President 44 Romney would almost certainly have produced something like the ACA, sans the employer mandate. And there was a time when Conservative Republicans worried about how to correct pollution externalities via market-oriented means.

          • There is an employer mandate in Romneycare.

            • But would there have been one in our hypothetical 2009-2010 law? Not so sure. My understanding is that Romney didn’t want the employer mandate.

              • That’s a reasonable question. JFL would probably know, but I’m not sure.

                • joe from Lowell

                  I believe Mr. Nexon is correct.

                  People talk about “Romneycare” as if it sprung fully-formed from Mitterns’ brain, and represents the essence of his ideal health care policy. Neither are true. Mitt Romney was playing defense against health care reform, and “Romneycare” represents the strongest lines he could in a rear-guard action.

  • Warren Terra

    Anyone know what subjects History Professor Newton Leroy Gingrich taught? And what reading he assigned? Because I’d not be shocked if he lectured his students about the Nazis, and forced them to read about them.

    Then again, keep in mind we’re talking about Republican Education Theory here: the people who ruled in Texas that the less savory and less rhetorically useful aspects of the lives of for example Thomas Jefferson may not be taught.

    • snarkout

      Maybe he forced them to read 1945 instead.

      • Warren Terra

        1) I’d like to think even Newt is incapable of such cruelty.
        2) It was written by a professional Science Fiction Writer (“with Newt Gingrich”) long after Newt was no longer a History Professor.

      • Njorl

        “Suddenly the pouting sex kitten gave way to Diana the Huntress. She rolled onto him and somehow was sitting athwart his chest, her knees pinning his shoulders. ‘Tell me, or I will make you do terrible things,’ she hissed.” N. Gingrich, 1945

        • Warren Terra

          Dammit Njorl, was it not clear to you that making people read from 1945 is a bad thing?

          • Njorl

            Someone should have sat athwart me and shouted “Stop!”

        • Holden Pattern

          Do you have any idea how much rum I’m going to have to drink to kill those neurons?

          • DrDick

            You better do it fast, before they metastasize and turn your brain to moldy mush.

        • Anonymous

          I call for more pouting sex kittens!

        • Lee

          Er, isn’t Diana one of those goddesses that are supposed to be perpetual virgins?

      • Furious Jorge

        Jebus, I’d rather watch 1941 again.

        • rea

          1941 was more historically accurate.

  • mark f

    Bell had all of these crazy radical ideas like “white supremacy was deeply embedded within American law” and “the effects of centuries of legalized and informal white supremacy did not immediately vanish[“] [. . .]
    I especially like the “made his students read” language.

    Good God. I can just imagine the poor students chained to these these lies, staving off as much humiliation as possible by performing them in a lyrical, hymnal way, with all the while Boss Obama towering over them with not only his powerful arm but the full force of an unequal legal system bringing down the whip.

  • I “made” my students read the majority opinion in Dennis v. United States

    But did you “ram it down their throats” too?

  • Hogan

    I’ll say this for Obama: I’ve watched those videos several times now, and the teleprompter is very well hidden.

    • Warren Terra

      The script is in Braille, in his pocket.

      • That would explain the awkward hand gestures. Maybe like a great pitcher last learns to throw a breaking pitcher, a great politician last learns what to do with his hands.

        • Ben

          He did it all the time when he was on the stump in ’08. When I saw him doing it in the video I almost did a spit take.

          Nowadays he’s behind podiums most of the time, and he’s replaced the pocket thing with clasping his hands together and letting them fall in the middle of the podium. It usually makes a little thump.

    • Joshua

      Good thing Newt wasn’t there to debate him.

  • joe from Lowell

    All of this depends on Derrick Bell being a credible bogey man, right?

    I just don’t see it.

    • Craigo

      …black.

      • Incontinentia Buttocks

        This.

        Also African American and (formerly) Negro and Colored.

        • Uncle Kvetch

          The pigmentation is bad enough, but Harvard professor? Hello? As in decadent, effete, coastal, pointy-headed fifth-columnist? NPR totebags, arugula, lattes and Volvos? Kantian nihilism? Probably never set foot in an Applebee’s or attended a NASCAR race once in his whole sorry life? He’s straight out of central casting.

          • I suspect this will go the way of Henry Louis Gates. In three weeks no one but the 28 percenters will remember his name.

            • joe from Lowell

              This.

              I can’t believe there are so many people still living in terror of Karl Rove’s messaging.

          • Holden Pattern

            Right, he’s all of those things, AND he didn’t earn them the old fashioned way, by being born into the right moneyed family. He must have got them by AFFIRMATIVE ACTION!

          • NPR totebags, arugula, lattes and Volvos?

            Wait, I thought the Prius was the customary, elitist, liberal automobile? Did I miss a meeting?

            • Kvetch is living in the past. Volvos are so liberal elitist circa 1998.

              • Warren Terra

                Kvetch doesn’t get the list quite right, but there’s a great episode from 2004 that established a meme about Volvos and Lattes. I remember Atrios playing with that one for about a week (back in 2004 I used to read Atrios; back in 2004, Atrios used to actually write posts that were more than a sentence long, himself, and consisted of more than in-group back-references to something he wrote two years previously).

                • joe from Lowell

                  Heh. Indeedy. More Bobo. Turkee?

    • Scott Lemieux

      I dunno, Operation Shutdown was pretty lame.

      • Craigo

        There are probably worse ways to “earn” 5 million dollars.

      • Gern Blanston

        Heh.

    • Captain Splendid

      Agreed. The Wright stuff (heh) didn’t work back in ’08, so this watered-down version won’t either.

      I’m actually thinking it’ll have the opposite effect. When you’re trying to make the case that some mild speech is cause for anything and everything up to and including impeachment, regular folks start backing away.

      Hell, Pat Robertson, of all people, is getting thrown under the bus as we speak, for advancing the crazy notion that the GOP might have gotten a little too extreme with some of its recent positions.

      • joe from Lowell

        Won’t it, in fact, just serve to remind people of the 2008 silliness that they rejected?

        • TL

          I’m kind of shocked that they’re going down this road again.

          Was there a single person in America who wasn’t already taping and archiving every Glenn Beck show who gave two shits that Obama had once been in the living room of that guy from Chicago who was supposed to be history’s greatest monster in 1968 but is actually so marginal that I can’t think of his name right off the top of my head?

          Wait, Bill Ayres! I knew it would come to me eventually.

  • Aaron Baker

    I think you have to conclude that the Breitbart bunch (and Fox News) see black people promoting the interests of black people as per se illegitimate.

    Cet animal est fort méchant:/Quand on l’attaque il se défend! (“This animal is really vicious; when you attack it, it defends itself!”)

    • DrDick

      I think you have to conclude that the Breitbart bunch (and Fox News) see black people promoting the interests of black people as per se illegitimate.

      FTFY

  • Truly, Obama is History’s Greatest Monster. I just hope it doesn’t come out that he then forced his students to take “tests” to prove that they had read all this Alinskyite propaganda. What? He did? Nooooooo! ACORN! ACORN! New Black Panther Party! ACORN!

  • I’m shocked and appalled to find out the President went to Harvard Law School! Why was this not reported much earlier?

  • Joshua

    Now in its sixth edition, the book lays out Bell’s Critical Race Theory, which is based on the Alinskyite presumption that all of law is a construct–not of justice, but of power exercised by whites against blacks.

    This doesn’t even seem controversial to me, even in the highly slanted form in which the Breitbart writer phrases it.

    • Scott Lemieux

      I also didn’t know that Saul Alinsky invented legal realism, but anyway…

      • Is there no end to his perfidy?

      • rea

        Along with those damned leftists, Roscoe Pound and O. W. Holmes, Jr.

  • Phoenix_rising

    Pretty sure that the scandalous part is that the President taught a class promoting the radical racial divisions brought about by the observation that the law is hardly ever color-blind.

    Because if there were no such thing as ‘Racism and the Law’, there would be no racism, reverse or otherwise. And there you have it!

    • Joshua

      Obviously, ‘Racism and the Law’ should be simply a declaration that there is none, followed by a full semester of watching Top Gun and drawing pictures of bald eagles (extra credit if it is crying).

      • Scott Lemieux
      • Incontinentia Buttocks

        Nope. A “proper” course on “Racism and the Law” has a syllabus that focuses on the writings of Ward Connerly and the inadequacies of the Bakke case..

        The official wingnut view is that, so long as there’s affirmative action, the law is racist.

        You just have to know who the Real Racists® are!

        • mds

          The official wingnut view is that, so long as there’s affirmative action, the law is racist.

          Well, fortunately they won’t have to worry about that for too much longer.

  • Jon H

    I think someone read “Derrick Bell” and thought “OMG! The drug kingpin from Baltimore!”

    • I was thinking of the outfielder myself.

    • Warren Terra

      Someone in an “Oh Noes Obama Hugged Black Hitler” thread linked a Wire clip with Stringer Bell hugging Avon Barksdale.

      I think this means that Obama has hugged Avon Barksdale, or perhaps is Avon Barksdale, by some application of the transitive property.

      • Bill Murray

        There are no pat answers – we’re pushing through some new frontiers, and lessons of the past don’t always apply.

  • Jay B.

    Derrick Bell came onto my radar when you guys eulogized him here last year. Everything I read about him subsequently made me a little sad I didn’t actually know much about him when he was alive. There are too few people out there with the real moral courage of Professor Bell.

    Thankfully, I’m not as decent as he was, so if I ever see either any of those Breitbart reptiles, I’m gonna cockpunch them.

  • Gern Blanston

    Hm. Derrick Bell went to my law school. Wonder what that means…

  • Gern Blanston

    Hey, Bell’s middle name is “Albert.” And we all know that Albert Bell(e) is one of history’s few greatest monsters…

  • TL

    When will the next devistating video of Obama doing black things while being black be released? There must be THOUSANDS of them out there. Few people know this, because the lamestream media won’t mention it, but Obama has literally BEEN BLACK FOR 50 YEARS!!!11!1!!!

  • STG

    Y’know what needs to be investigated? Derek Bell’s two World Sportscar Championship titles, the three 24 Hours of Daytona wins, and five Le Mans wins.

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