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Giving organ donation a bad name

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What a waste of usable muscle. Condolences to the donor’s family, and to the vast majority of humankind. If I thought there were a remote chance my vital organs might wind up sustaining the life of an enfeebled war criminal, I’d gleefully ram a weed-eater through my own sternum.

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  • Warren Terra

    Medical Science reports breakthrough: world’s first human heart implant performed, 45 years after the first human heart transplant.

    • LKS

      Human?

      • dangermouse

        the heart is human

        • c u n d gulag

          Then this will be the first case of a heart rejecting the body.

          • GFW

            Like anyone even partially granted admittance to Dick’s undisclosed locations, the donor would have been fully vetted.

  • LosGatosCA

    It could be Vince Foster’s heart kept alive through artificial means for exactly this moment.

    Otherwise, 20 months on the waiting list. Give me a break. At least Warren G Harding wasn’t a war criminal and he had the good grace to die in office. Dick Cheney – a disgrace to humanity to his very bitter end.

  • First time I’ve heard of a purely cosmetic heart operation.

    • burnt

      Well written. Well written. Sadly, so sadly enough.

  • STH

    Harrumph.

  • Frankly

    I’m afraid his body will be so shocked at the presence of an organ it never had before it will keel over and die.

    REally though we should all be wishing the big Dick a very long life. He knows he can’t leave the US for fear of being arrested. We have to remind him that this country my regain it sanity one day & shit his useless ass & bright shiny new heart to the Hague.

    • This is my biggest consolation. Of course, it’ll never happen, but we all gotta have something to cling to.

    • Mrs Tilton

      In the admittedly unlikely event that the American people ever elected a Democratic president who upheld the constitution and laws of the United States, Cheney wouldn’t need to leave the US to get his frog-march.

      • Uncle Kvetch

        Amen, Mrs. T.

    • Bart

      And he outlived Demjanjuk.

  • Bill Murray

    Maybe this heart will not be 3 sizes too small

  • Buck up, everyone. This means he’ll be able to spend a good, long 25 years rotting in jail.

  • Is there any reason to believe the donation was voluntary?

    • DocAmazing

      It was a good old-fashioned Aztec donation.

  • Snarki, child of Loki

    If I thought there were a remote chance my vital organs might wind up sustaining the life of an enfeebled war criminal, I’d gleefully ram a weed-eater through my own sternum.

    Don’t do that! Ingest a slow-acting and hard to detect but invariably fatal substance. Then make sure to sign that organ donation card before kicking off.

    • But it’s also important to note on the organ card that your organs are only to go to ex-Vice Presidents and/or the objectively evil.

  • TT

    Who knew Kim Jon Il was an organ donor?

  • thebewilderness

    I just hope the donors family do not know who got the organ. They do not need more pain.

  • Timb

    How does a guy in his dotage with a history of cardiac disease get a heart?

    $$$$$$$

    America is an interesting place

    • Warren Terra

      Um, I’d not be shocked to learn he gamed the queue – but on the other hand I suspect a lot of people who get heart transplants have a history of cardiac problems. All of them, in fact.

      • Timb

        Not 5 MI’s. These are precious organs and generally only go to people who are younger with the possibility of decades of quality of life. One million year old don’t usually get them

    • LKS

      The Gingriches:

      Callista and I hope that his recovery is peaceful…

      Maybe it’s just me, but “peaceful” in this context kinda creeped me out.

  • Ben

    So there are two additional reasons why Cheney getting a transplant sucks ass that the article doesn’t really address. A silly one and an actual one.

    The silly one is that the LVAD (left ventricular assist device) which Cheney was using prior to the transplant uses an Archimedean screw to whip blood through the body at a constant rate. This means that while Cheney was on the LVAD, he didn’t have a pulse. Doctors really shouldn’t have altered this state, which goes beyond metaphor and approaches myth.

    The actual downer-type reason is that while the LVAD was originally conceived to stabilize heart transplant candidates and act as a temporary bridge until a transplant could be performed, it has performed so well that it’s beginning to be thought of as a permanent treatment. Indeed, Cheney’s case is often given as evidence that it can work. So, leaving aside the fact that he’s a war criminal and pushing the age limit for the procedure, Cheney’s transplant replaces an effective treatment in someone who had functionally unlimited access to world-class medical care. It’s hard to think of a candidate who was less deserving just from an efficiency standpoint.

  • wp200

    Maybe now that Cheney has a heart, he will repent.

    • That’s the funniest thing I’ve heard all day!

    • DrDick

      While I am certain that he only wanted this transplant to prove to the world that he was not literally a heartless bastard, there is no reason to believe that he will actually use the organ. I think it is much more of a fashion accessory.

  • muddy

    Interesting that when he was originally asked if he was going to go for a transplant, he modestly says that he hasn’t considered that. Manly Dick, facing the odds on his own! Like a warrior! Like a cowboy! Interesting that the waiting list time started earlier than when he made this statement.

    Lying hypocrites gotta be lying hypocrites.

    • patrick II

      I wonder, if he had publicly acknowledged that he was on the transplant list, how it would have affected the list — particularly donor restrictions. Which is something that lying but crafty old bastard probably considered when he denied he was thinking about a transplant.

      I had hoped he was going to die before me.

  • c u n d gulag

    Dishonorable Boobs comments have been deleted?

    Oh, can you feel the impotent rage!!!

    Try some mental V*agra, DB.
    Looks like your brain needs quicker-picker-uppers as much as your johnson needs quicker-pecker-uppers.

  • Tehanu

    I’d like to claim a conscience exception to paying any taxes toward Dick’s medical benefits. After all, if I were a bishop, I’d never have to pay taxes at all, let alone paying for anything I didn’t approve of. Alas, I’m afraid I’m just another Mongo — “only pawn in game of life.”

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