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And Now, the Punchline

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If Prick Erry weren’t the kind of person who is happy to send innocent people to be executed and then do what he can to stop inquires that might stop more innocent people from being executed, I could almost feel sorry for the guy:

On primary day, Rick Perry’s extinct presidential campaign released its final donation numbers: $20.1 million. Hours later, he scored 6,742 votes in Florida. How pathetic was this? Four years earlier, in the very same position — still on the ballot, out of the race — Fred Thompson won 22,668 Florida votes. So far, adding up all the caucus votes and primary ballots, the Perry campaign (not counting Super PACs) has spent $851.88 per vote.

There are bad presidential campaigns. There are really, really bad presidential campaigns. And then there are presidential campaigns that are substantially worse than Fred Thompson’s. (Although maybe this was just Thompson’s allegedly remarkable way with women.)

Speaking of failed Republican campaigns, one way a candidate who should logically be incapable of winning a Republican primary can become the inevitable winner by February 1st is if his closest competition has no particular interest in such mundane matters as “running a professional campaign.”

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  • I object to this post because it is just mean.

  • Mike Schilling

    Be honest — if he offered you $881, would you vote for Rick Perry? That’s probably close to the market-clearing price.

    • Anonymous

      Not if he had a chance of winning.

  • To be a little bit fair to Thompson, I have long heard that the plan was for McCain to drop out of the race and endorse Thompson, theoretically helping him in the post-Iowa states and giving him some instant organization. But then McCain delayed by a few weeks, and suddenly started trending upwards in New Hampshire, at which point McCain got it in his head that he could still win the nomination and essentially left Thompson hanging in the wind.

    Perry was just an awful no good very bad candidate who couldn’t even deliver canned wingnut lines correctly in a debate.

    • Incontinentia Buttocks

      My understanding is that Rick Perry doesn’t smell of Aqua Velva. That’s apparently the key to running a slightly less embarrassing failed GOP presidential campaign.

      • I also heard that several attempts to land a 747 on Perry’s shoulders ended in disaster. Fortunately, his hair was not affected.

  • LosGatosCA

    I get your point but even on a scale of very, very, very bad to impossibly, almost inconceivably bad the standard was set by Giuliani in 2008.

    $50m for a single delegate.

    That even exceeds my standard for Fail which is when your point guard, yes that’s right, your point guard goes a very crisp 0-17 from the floor. Seventeen shots without a make. But Tim Hardaway probably was only paid $50K or so for the game. Plus he did have 13 assists and the Warriors won. But when any perimeter player on your team gets the ball enough to go 0-17, the point guard should be shot. Oh, ok, nevermind.

    So Perry is on the first team of futility, but he’s not the star.

    • Walt

      I remember that game. After the game, the coach said something about how it proved Hardaway’s mental toughness because he kept shooting no matter how many times he missed.

    • Scott Lemieux

      Giuliani was amazing. The more time he spent in a state the worse his numbers got.

    • Njorl

      After seeing the wizards play this year, I have more sympathy for a point guard who puts up terrible shooting numbers. Sometimes the other 4 guys just stand there with their hands out. Wall knows that as soon as he passes, the ball will be shot immediately. So, he holds it trying to get the other clowns to make some effort to set themselves up for a decent shot. 0-17 is still a bit much, though.

  • efgoldman

    Somewhere, the shade of the late, great Molly Ivins is laughing until its sides burst.

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