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Further Notes From the Conservative Murder of Parody

[ 29 ] March 1, 2011 |

Perhaps after this, they can add some spermatozoa-Americans from a used condom to the witness list.

The scary thing is that, as Helena Silverstein’s book reported, calling fetuses as a witness has been done in judicial bypass hearings too.  American political life is like being trapped in a satirical novel that’s a little too heavy-handed.

Comments (29)

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  1. Malaclypse says:

    It would be wrong to suggest we are entering a new Dark Ages.

    • Brad P. says:

      I smell a compromise.

      All of the moral crusaders can try sinners in church. It is on the sinner to represent himself. If he doesn’t show up or is found guilty, then moral crusaders can call down whatever biblical curse they want.

      It works out for everyone.

  2. Joe says:

    Somewhat silly bit of theater. If the matter was prenatal health, I can see something similar being done. The “fetus” isn’t really testifying, of course. From the p.o.v. of the other side, there is a certain logic to it, actually.

  3. hv says:

    A fetus has been scheduled as a legislative witness in Ohio on a unique bill that proposes outlawing abortions after the first heartbeat can be



    (emphasis added)

    Funny, they love medical science when it can detect the heartbeats. But when determining viability or the optimum procedure to abort, suddenly medical science is not to be heard.

    I propose an amendment truer to the spirit of this legislation: no abortions past the date that christian science can detect a fetal heartbeat. I’m sure Faith2Action will accept this friendly suggestion, as it ratchets up the role of faith.

    • DocAmazing says:

      Bad idea. Through the Power of Faith, one can detect fetal heartmeats in the uterii of women who are not even pregnant!

      The ways of the Lord are mysterious indeed.

      • Malaclypse says:

        If we throw her in the water, and she drowns, then there was no heartbeat, and she was innocent, and can receive Christian burial. If she floats, she is pregnant, and must produce a healthy offspring or be burned as a harlot.

        • elm says:

          There’s a much simpler way. Just put her on a scale: if she weighs as much as a duck, she’s a witch, and must be burned. If she weighs more than a duck, it must be because she’s pregnant, and can be burned as a murderer if no baby is born. No water needed and we get the fun of burning her.

    • ahunt says:

      May I please copy this over at RHrealitycheck? I almost peed myself.

  4. joe from Lowell says:

    This would seem to be a massive own-goal by the anti-choicers.

    A fetal heartbeat can be detected weeks, months, before a woman even begins to show.

    Pulling this stunt is going to highlight the fact that the bill proposed to ban abortions even very, very early in pregnancy, and make its supporters look like a bunch of extremist wackos.

    An impression that will be furthered by the actual mechanics of pulling off the stunt.

    They’re going to make themselves look like wackos both in terms of their image and their policy.

    A really, really stupid move by the anti-choicers.

    • BigHank53 says:

      They’re not exactly the sharpest tools in the shed, in case you hadn’t noticed. Determined, though–I’ll grant them that.

    • Hogan says:

      Apparently Faith2Action is the group summoning the fetus to testify, in favor of a bill that is opposed by abortion-rights groups *and* by Ohio Right to Life. So yeah, this is the creme de la crazy here.

  5. rea says:

    “Fetus Held in Contempt-Refused to Answer Questions”

  6. p joe says:

    The anti-women proponents are merely trying to upstage the pro-working-stiff demonstrators who have been getting way too much face time on the teevee to the detriment of their sacred fertilized eggs.

  7. Thomas says:

    Eh, this is just legal silliness.

    God has been called as a witness in over a thousand American court cases over the last two centuries and that hardly makes headlines.

  8. gocart mozart says:

    I was a guardian ad litum for a fetus once. The circumstances were a bit different. It was a divorce case and the husband swore he wasn’t the father of his pregnant wife’s future issue. I recommended a paternity test once the child was born as being in the best interest of the child. The child should know her real father is. This was eventually done and the ex-husband was in the clear for future child support. Not the same case I know but sometimes it makes sense.

  9. Jay B. says:

    I’ll jerk off in a sock and vote twice.

  10. dan says:

    Will perjury charges be brought against the fetus if it testified falsely? And what happens if the fetus turns out to be pro-choice?

  11. John Emerson says:

    A very distant relative of mine was hanged for matricide on the basis of testimony about communications from his mother’s ghost in a dream.

  12. Auguste says:

    Since the witness is at nine weeks’ gestation, it’s technically an embryo…if it shows up to testify as a fetus will it be on the hook for perjury?

    • Joe says:

      Pet peeve of mine: “fetus” is usually used when talking about abortion even though a “fetus” often isn’t present when it occurs. In fact, more likely than not, it isn’t.

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