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A Dry America is a Weak America

[ 55 ] February 16, 2011 |

This is a national disgrace:

It is obvious that our national honor must be restored; we cannot allow an alcohol gap to persist. My question to the resident constitutional scholars is this: Would it be legal for Congress to mandate a minimum level of alcohol consumption for every American, in order to remedy our shame?

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  1. elm says:

    Are you justifying the mandate based on interstate commerce, public health, or national security grounds? Clearly, under the Bush view of the presidency that Obama has largely continued, the government can do anything as long as they claim national security interests.

  2. strategichamlet says:

    South Korea is the most surprising entry on the map to me. They out drink Italy, Spain, Australia, and Sweden? That’s some national pride right there.

  3. lige says:

    I’m doing my part.

  4. Dick Durata says:

    Coupled with mandatory possession and carrying of firearms, these mandates would surely guarantee national greatness lasting into the next century.

  5. Jamie says:

    Wow, I do 12.5 liters a week, and i still can’t help the average out.

    I don’t think there’s any way to save this nation. I’m becoming Russian asap.

  6. KC45s says:

    In my experience, it is going to take a big commitment indeed to outdrink Russians.

  7. Vance Maverick says:

    The unsung hero here is the graphic designer who decided that 12.5 should be an order of (visual) magnitude bolder than 10. Clearly a proselytizing member of my beloved Fermentation Tribe, not of those weenies in the Boiling/Steeping Tribe.

  8. RepubAnon says:

    The problem is Budweiser – if all the Bud drinkers switched to Olde English 800, we’d reverse the trend.

    I’m also not seeing WHEN the numbers were gathered… I’ll bet President Palin or President Gingrich could turn these numbers around as well (by driving rational people to drink). Only real problem would be that if either of those two won, it’d be a strong indication that there aren’t very many rational people in the country.

    President Mitt Romney would, of course, outlaw alcohol and caffeinated drinks…

  9. GusA says:

    From the map, it looks like the Sahara Desert is parched in more ways than one.

  10. Manju says:

    We’re only drinking 5-7.49 liters per person per day? Thats like “before breakfast” for Winston Churchill.

  11. wengler says:

    By the way that John Boehner looked and sounded in that “save the babies” press conference, it looks like he’s doing his part.

  12. owlbear1 says:

    Better yet, Don’t engage in ANY political activities (i.e. voting, donations, volunteering, etc.) and you don’t have to pay any taxes.

    Or maybe we could return to the days when only landowners could vote?

  13. C.S. says:

    As a friend of Mexico, I have to exhort them to get off of their collective asses as well and show a bit of national pride for the land of tequila. If we pull together, compadres, and if we drag along those godless Canadians who seem to have forgotten that their entire national economy floats on a sea of Seagrams, then we can restore pride not just to the U.S., but to all of Norte America. Who’s with me, hermanos?

  14. AWH says:

    As someone who lives in Sri Lanka and has traveled extensively, there is absolutely no way the small dot off the southeast corner of tip of temperate India shouldn’t be bright red. It is by far the hardest drinking place among the 40+ countries I’ve visited extensively, which include Russia, Italy, France, the UK and Ireland.

  15. bill says:

    I wanna know what’s up with no data from Greenland. What are they hiding up there? Are they embarrassed or just too drunk to answer? What? Oh.

  16. gocart mozart says:

    It beats the hell out of a broccoli mandate I must say.

  17. Another Kiwi says:

    The National Alcohol Slurping Association (NASA) must gather teams of high performing drinkers from around the country and make a determined effort to catch up to the Russkies. Not because it is the easy thing to do…

  18. Anonymous says:

    Bit of a surprise to see Australia in the second-place category.

    • chris says:

      They’re counting by volume of alcohol, I think, not by volume of beverage that contains some alcohol. Drinking beer is handicapping yourself in that sort of competition (especially if it’s weak beer, which probably accounts for the US’s low standing; I don’t know how strong Australian beers are in general).

  19. MAJeff says:

    I wonder what it would be if they broke down the US by state. I bet we North Dakotans could give Russia a run for their money. (There’s nothing else here to do but drink.)

  20. upyernoz says:

    the only real surprise for me is iceland. i’ve never been there but i’ve seen the film “reykjavik 101″ and everyone who i know who has visited says the locals basically do nothing but drink from friday night until about an hour before they go to work on monday.

  21. [...] dados são da World Health Organisation, e tomei um gole daqui. bb_keywords = "alcoolismo, saúde"; bb_bid = "1610881"; bb_lang = "pt-BR"; bb_name = [...]

  22. Halloween Jack says:

    Once Scott Walker in Wisconsin enacts his secret plan to balance the state budget–lowering the drinking age to 18–we’ll catch up in no time.

  23. Hogan says:

    Uncle Sam wants YOU to have another cocktail.

  24. David B. says:

    What’s with Norway?

  25. [...] post inspired me to look up the WHO report on drinking in the USA, and to do some quick calculations. [...]

  26. [...] Robert Farley, tongue firmly in cheek, calls the United States’ comparative low ranking “a national disgrace.” It is obvious that our national honor must be restored; we cannot allow an alcohol gap to persist. My question to the resident constitutional scholars is this: Would it be legal for Congress to mandate a minimum level of alcohol consumption for every American, in order to remedy our shame? [...]

  27. Anonymous says:

    Okay, but seriously, isn’t it kind of skewed by the fact that it’s for people aged 15+, and our drinking age is 21? I imagine we’d be redder if we just looked at people age 21+.

  28. gazza says:

    I’d be interested to see a similar world map but showing use of prescription drugs. Anyone seen anything like that?

  29. Fucking pussies, I started drinking straight whiskey out of a water glass when I was ten years old, forty one years ago.

  30. sexyfacialhair says:

    Robert Farley, you are an idiot.

  31. Matt says:

    Is it just me, or is Ireland a slightly darker shade of red than the rest of Europe?

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