Via Whiskey Fire, we learn that Chuck Norris now has a column at World Net Daily. It’s worse than you can possibly imagine. For instance, in his response last week to the circulation of satirical (and profoundly boring and un-funny) “Chuck Norris Facts” on the internets, Norris went ahead and just stripped the fun out of everything. To wit:
Alleged Chuck Norris Fact: “There is no theory of evolution. Just a list of creatures Chuck Norris has allowed to live.” It’s funny. It’s cute. But here’s what I really think about the theory of evolution: It’s not real. It is not the way we got here. In fact, the life you see on this planet is really just a list of creatures God has allowed to live. We are not creations of random chance. We are not accidents. There is a God, a Creator, who made you and me. We were made in His image, which separates us from all other creatures.
By the way, without him, I don’t have any power. But with Him, the Bible tells me, I really can do all things – and so can you.
I’ve never heard of these “Chuck Norris Facts” until today. But shit, Chuck. Eat a candy bar or something. You’re bumming me out.