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I Can’t Believe It’s a Law Firm LLC

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One of Donald Trump’s many problems at the moment is that he can’t seem  to get any lawyers to work for him — at least not any lawyers who have actual expertise in useful subjects like white collar criminal defense, RICO prosecutions, the Russian language, etc.

Instead, the Trump clown show is being helmed on the legal side by Michael Cohen, a none-too-bright graduate (someone should probably check) of the Thomas J. Cooley School of Law and Quality Budget Tire Outlet Store, and Jay Sekulow, a one-time tax lawyer who went bankrupt, before becoming a fabulously successful wingnut welfare grifter:

In November 2005, Legal Times published an article which alleged that Sekulow “through the ACLJ and a string of interconnected nonprofit and for-profit entities, has built a financial empire that generates millions of dollars a year and supports a lavish lifestyle—complete with multiple homes, chauffeur-driven cars, and a private jet that he once used to ferry Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia.” In the article, former donors and supporters claimed that Sekulow engaged in a pattern of self-dealing to finance his “high-flying lifestyle.” According to a ranking by the American Institute of Philanthropy, a charity watchdog group, Sekulow was the 13th highest paid executive of a charitable organization in the United States.[14]

On June 27, 2017, The Washington Post reported that “Jay Sekulow’s family has been paid millions from charities they control”.[15]

On June 27 and 28, 2017, The Guardian reported, that documents obtained by them confirmed later that “millions in donations” were steered to his family members,[16] that Sekulow “approved plans to push poor and jobless people to donate money to his Christian nonprofit, which since 2000 has steered more than $60m to Sekulow, his family and their businesses”,[16] and that attorneys general in New York and North Carolina opened investigations of Jay Sekulow’s group Christian Advocates Serving Evangelism (CASE) for possibly using pressure tactics in telemarketer calls to raise money which was allegedly misdirected to Sekulow and his family.[17]

Anyway, Cohen and Sekulow are about as qualified to go up against Robert Mueller and his all-star team of white collar crime experts as I am to play tennis against Rafael Nadal (I do own a racket, I think).

All of which makes it not exactly shocking to discover that Cohen himself is represented — it’s lawyers all the way down these days — by David Schwartz, a legal whiz who went on the teevee yesterday with hilarious results:

Fresh off a TV appearance on Monday that devolved into Schwartz and Daniels’s lawyer Michael Avenatti shouting “thug” at each other, Schwartz sat down with CNN’s Erin Burnett on Wednesday night to clear up some confusing statements Cohen has made about the payment to the porn star, who claims she had a sexual encounter with Trump in 2006. In her civil suit against the president, Daniels asserts that she should be freed from the nondisclosure agreement because, among other things, Trump never signed the contract, making it invalid. Cohen has claimed that he was acting independently when he created an LLC and paid Daniels, though he used several Trump Organization addresses.

Cohen has been vague about Trump’s knowledge of the negotiations, which took place in the final weeks of the 2016 campaign. But Schwartz stated very clearly Cohen drew up the agreement without informing Trump, and that’s why his signature isn’t on the document.

What is this I don’t even . . .

(1) The contract SAYS EXPLICITLY that it only binds Trump, not Cohen’s LLC.

(2) If Trump didn’t even know about the agreement THEN HE CAN’T BE BOUND BY IT, AND NEITHER CAN DANIELS.  Sorry for shouting, but JESUS FUCKING CHRIST ON A POGO STICK,  THAT’S WHY CONTRACTS HAVE SIGNATURE LINES IN THE FIRST PLACE YOU MORONS.

(3) Not to mention that a lawyer who enters into a purported contract for a client without telling the client he’s doing so is violating Legal Ethics 101 For Dummies, and should be immediately disbarred and then arrested for felonious criminal stupidity, as well as to encourage the others.

These people.

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