The Day Patterson Office Tower Exploded

So, I’m sitting in my office minding my own business when I hear dripping. My office is on the fourth floor of Patterson Office Tower, so I don’t typically worry about flooding, especially from above. A few second after I hear the dripping, I hear some excited chatter down the hall, which I do my best to ignore. A few seconds after that, dirty water begins pouring through my ceiling and into my office. Emergency evacuation procedures ensue, as I rescue my laptop then proceed to assist with the rescue of computers, printers, and copy machines in adjacent offices. Hearing someone say “Whoa, dude, the fifth floor is, like, totally flooded”, I feel compelled to visit and find an office with a ceiling completely blown out. Near the office was a distraught, wet young woman who had apparently suffered a drenching and had lost her keys and cell phone. I gallantly rescued the cell phone and keys, although I have deep reservations regarding the future of the former.

At this point my office is largely flooded, although the fact that my office computer immolated itself over break provides some comfort; at least it didn’t live to see this. Two Patterson school faculty offices will be unusable for the immediate future, as will the student room. We’re now on the lookout for sounds of dripping, which has recently been detected in one of our storage rooms. As the water pipe that exploded apparently carried hot water, the ambient temperature on the fourth floor has increased by four or five degrees.

Courage.