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Dismal Moments in LaRussian Platoon Wankery

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It doesn’t get much worse than Mike Hargrove bringing in the occasionally-pitching-like-stylings of Matt Thornton to face Jason Giambi, who in one of the most foreseeable acts in baseball history immediately crushed a 3-run homer.

Even worse, after that Hargrove stormed out of the dugout and started screaming at Thornton. The thing is, Grover, Matt Thornton can’t fucking pitch. Screaming at him for giving up a homerun is like screaming at the Mojave Desert for being dry. It’s your fault for bringing him into a game situation just because he throws with his left hand.

…but, come hell or high water you know the Seattle media will keep holding the team accountable–by writing Peggy Noonanesque peans to Hustling White Guy (TM) Wee Wllie Bloomquist. Sure, he can’t field much or hit at all, but he has the heart of a lion! The guts of Orson Welles! The makeup of Randy Myers! The mascara of Jeff Reardon!

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