Consequences

My dear friend Brian Mahoney has sent me a remarkably eloquent e-mail; I reprint in its entirety.

I’ve been in a state of shock for the last couple days, reading blogs, news, and emails from friends. I took Wednesday off work and went for a long drive. Now, it’s my turn to weigh in on the election results and what they mean to me. I’m writing to a very large audience, so I’m sure I’ll offend some and be preaching (at length) to the choir at the same time.

There’s so much to say… the lack of fiscal conservatism of the conservatives; the Orwellian Patriot Act and whether decades-old fiction has any place in critiquing today’s national security policy; the conspiracy theory about the electronic voting machines and my disbelief of it; the early exit polls versus the results; the hope I had on Tuesday morning; how much harder I’m taking the election results than I would have guessed; platitudes that it’s only four years and cheerful thoughts that everything will be okay. I guess I’ll focus on what hits me the hardest in the softest spot: America’s hatred of gays.

I’m reading through the gay and lesbian mailing list here at Microsoft and there’s an overwhelming feeling of despair. We had hope that maybe someday we’d be able to live our lives freely and openly. That day seems much farther away this week than it has in a very long time.

It’s not that I think Bush is the devil. In fact, he’s kind of a likable guy if you put aside the fact that he surrounds himself with yes-men and his only self-proclaimed mistake in the last four years was appointing some people who weren’t adequately yessing. What is depressing me is that he ran a campaign–well, he allowed Karl Rove to run a campaign–that turned us gay folks into demons. And he won. He has now gotten the authority by the populace to continue to do so. I have never felt more hated by America than I have in these past two days. Bush’s reelection and the gay marriage amendments have given the go-ahead for the Republican party–the party that now controls the laws and their execution for another four years–to become the religious right party. God help us all.

I am not a bleeding-heart liberal. I believe in fiscal responsibility. I like lower taxes, but would rather balance the budget than add to my bank account; I’d prefer to do both. I think Saddam should have been removed from power. I had issues with how the Bush administration justified it and that we went to war without much international support and that we’re ignoring similar threats around the world, but it was the right thing to do. I think that feeding money to domestic problems such as welfare and education is not a solution, though if I’m not willing or able to offer a solution to an acknowledged problem, money may be the only way I know how to help at all (e.g. paying crappy teachers more doesn’t educate kids any better, but paying teachers so little that there are too few of them is far worse). I think America works best when the political party of the majority in Congress differs from that of the President. I would fear for America, too, (though, granted, not quite to this extreme) were Democrats in control of both Congress and the White House. But what happened on Tuesday scared me. 11 states voted to ban gay marriages. 8 of them outlawed anything that gave any of the rights of marriage. And the Republican party officially supports this. There’s nothing quite like the second-class citizenship that amendments to constitutions which actually bar rights for whole groups of people to make you feel loved. Nothing quite like it except, of course, for having the people who did it to be in control of the laws for the next four years.

For those of you who who don’t understand what this means or why I take it so personally, the General Accounting Office put together a list of federal laws that pertain to marriage back when DOMA was being debated. You can view it here . Over 1000 laws were recognized by the GAO as pertaining to marriage in federal law. Everything from the Food Stamp Program to survivorship and disability; from child support to hospitalization; from veterans’ benefits to tax laws; from family emergency leave to retirement; from immigration to inheritance; from conflict of interest to education assistance. Many of these things can be covered by paying a lawyer to write up contracts; many cannot. (What contract can force the government to allow the 50-year partner of a veteran to receive his partner’s military pension when the veteran dies?) Britney got all of them for free one drunken night in Vegas. The sanctity of marriage, indeed. Hundreds more laws in each state grant married couples further rights. Anyone who is interested in more information can see the FAQ and info on HRC’s website.

I don’t care if it’s “marriage” or “civil union” or “wacky faggoty sodomite thing that certainly isn’t marriage”, as long as these rights are available. As a tax-paying citizen, I believe I am entitled to the benefits that I’m paying for. (Of course, the term “separate but equal” must eventually be used and we all know the history of such institutions.) 8 of these 11 constitutional amendments would bar that. DOMA back in 1997 barred the federal rights, but that’s not an amendment.

Those who oppose gay marriage are most frequently now using the “biological mother and father are best” argument. If these people were working to overturn divorce laws and outlaw single motherhood and fatherhood, I may see that they have some form of an argument and start bringing up studies of well-adjusted, healthy children of gay and lesbian couples. (See here for the list of organizations that support gay and lesbian parenting.) But they don’t really care to strengthen marriage nor to ensure a biological mother and father for each child; they just want to get rid of that icky feeling they get when they think about gay people. Dahlia says it much better than I can: . If you read none of the other links here, read that one. Good stuff. Andrew Sullivan also made the conservative case back in 1989 . Andrew Sullivan also has healthy criticisms of the Bush administration, coming from a vocal Bush 2000 supporter. I recommend any open-minded conservatives check out his blog.

My brother seems to think that these rights aren’t all that important. Since he can’t find a girl he wants to marry, why should we be able to marry? My other brother thinks that Kerry should face public execution for his “un-American” military service. My parents seem to think that gay marriage is okay, but will spend time writing to senatorial candidates (of which they aren’t even constituents) about tribal Indian affairs and not about the attack on their gay son’s rights. They celebrate a Bush win and a Daschle loss but “don’t have time” to write to tell the conservatives that their divisive politics are not okay. I am supposed to be heartened by the fact that I have more money to spend. Somehow, I find that money is less important than other things–like, say, support, love, and legal protections.

I don’t know what I’ll do if a Constitutional amendment is passed to bar my rights in the next four years. It is tempting to take a page from W’s book and surround myself with like-minded people who agree with me and not associate with the people who have voted for those who would do such things. I may seriously consider moving to a different country (I’d refuse to be treated as a second-class citizen, but if it’s in the Constitution, there’s not much room for refusal), but then I’d be caving in to the bigots and have no say in fixing the problem. To those, like my parents (and like me a few days ago), who seem to think an amendment would be impossible to pass, 20% of the United States did it on Tuesday. Most of those even barred civil unions. Even Oregon, one of the most socially liberal states, passed theirs by a double-digit margin. I hope it never happens, but my confidence is waning.

So congratulations, conservatives. You got your wish. I hope it will be everything you ever wanted.