Subscribe via RSS Feed

Because there are some things rats won’t do

[ 60 ] April 20, 2017 |

 

Dictatorships foster oppression, dictatorships foster servitude, dictatorships foster cruelty; more abominable is the fact that they foster idiocy.

JORGE LUIS BORGES, Statement to the Argentine Society of Letters

It’s true we give Paul Ryan a hard time on this blog, but on some deeply perverse level I for one can’t help but admire the astonishing level of craven abnegation the man is capable of achieving, at least when he allows himself to contemplate what’s truly best for the nation  Paul Ryan.

(The encomium below provides the text to Donald Trump’s profile in Time’s latest selection of the 100 Most Important Beings in the Universe).

DONALD TRUMP

by

Paul Ryan

He always finds a way to get it done. When so many, including me at times, didn’t see how he could pull it off, Donald Trump won a historic victory. And in becoming the 45th President of the United States, he completely rewrote the rules of politics and reset the course of this country. A businessman always willing to challenge convention, he has shaken up Washington and laid out an agenda of generational proportions. Never afraid of a battle, he has made it his mission to fight for those who feel forgotten. Where others would pivot, he stays true to who he is. Where others would turn back, he forges ahead. Up close, I have found a driven, hands-on leader, with the potential to become a truly transformational American figure. I have little doubt that he will, once again, find a way to defy the odds and get it done.

Ryan is the Speaker of the U.S. House of Representatives

FacebookTwitterGoogle+Share

Comments (60)

Trackback URL | Comments RSS Feed

  1. Crusty says:

    Ryan is not simply a weasel but the more rare species known as the shit-weasel.

    • Musashi says:

      Close, but Paul Ryan is actually a malevolent reptilian in a human suit. You can tell by his beady little snake eyes, and by the fact that he has no shame and is single-mindedly committed to tormenting humans. But to be fair to Ryan, his human suit is much better than Trump’s

  2. randomworker says:

    Words fail.

    Does Ryan still have Trumps buttjuice on his lips?

    • kayden says:

      Obviously, the answer is yes. That write-up was nauseating to the max. My eyeballs have rolled back so far that I can’t see what I’m typing. Campos should have put a trigger warning before printing that drivel.

  3. C.V. Danes says:

    Reads pretty good, except for the fact that Trump achieved these things in the worst possible way, set the country in the worst possible directions, and did so while posing as the worst possible role model.

  4. Perazzi-man says:

    A new definition of LOW. Used to be whale shit , now Ryan-speak.

  5. N__B says:

    I liked the “100 of the year” thing better when Spy was doing it.

    • Karen24 says:

      I loved it when they simply decided that Trump was so terrible everything bad was connected to him and they assigned them all Trumpscores.

      • N__B says:

        One year they pretended that the list actually ran to 1000 and something like #997 was the fact that you could transfer from the uptown 6 to the B/D/F at Bleecker Street but not from the downtown 6. Only fifteen years later, the MTA fixed it. So one item is off the list.

      • sigaba says:

        In the interest of efficiency, vice is now measured in a dimensionless unit referred to as the millitrump.

  6. The Temporary Name says:

    Never afraid of a battle, he has made it his mission to fight for those who feel forgotten.

    Ooh, this inspires me to write an article about white Trump voters who’ve gotten screwed!

  7. Hogan says:

    I have little doubt that he will, once again, find a way to defy the odds and get it done.

    WHAT? GET WHAT DONE? SOMEBODY TELL ME.

  8. dmsilev says:

    “And here we see the dominance and submissiveness displays of Homo Republicus. The alpha male, having broken the will and dignity of his potential rival, preens while the rival is forced to groom him in full view of the entire pack.”

  9. Warren Terra says:

    You’ve got to give Ryan credit for knowing his mark, and for going all in. He could have written a blandly complimentary paragraph relatively connected to reality, but knew that to please Trump he’d have to go surreally over the top and rhapsodize about the man Trump imagines himself to be. And Ryan didn’t disappoint. The result is a tidy little hagiography everyone can enjoy – Trump in a satisfied manner, everyone else with derision.

    • daves09 says:

      Disraeli said, anent Queen Victoria, that everyone loves flattery but with royalty you have to lay it on with a trowel.
      Good going Paulie.

      • JustRuss says:

        Trowel? Ryan is clearly wielding a shovel here.

      • wjts says:

        Well, this exchange just got a little funnier:

        Mr. Sourquill: Allow me to find my pen. It is somewhere in my bag.

        Lily Bin: Is it a Gladstone bag?

        Mr. Sourquill: No, this is the much more exclusive Disraeli bag. It has many, many more pockets. As the great man once said, “When it comes to pockets, lay them on with a trowel.” Now is my pen in this one? Uh, um, no. Is it in this one? Nooo. This surely is the pocket!

        Lily Bin: Oh!

        Mr. Sourquill: Turns out, no.

        Lily Bin: Oh.

        Mr. Sourquill: Possibly in here. Aha! Here is a pen!

        Lily Bin: Ah!

        Mr. Sourquill: But not the one I’m looking for. This pocket surely contains my prize! Or indeed, it just contains some string and a conker.

        Sir Philip Bin: Enough! I will take your bag and put it somewhere where the sun does not shine.

        Mr. Sourquill: Um.

        Sir Philip Bin: Lily, take this bag and put it on a coach to Scotland.

  10. wca says:

    “We are building a fighting force of extraordinary magnitude. We forge our spirits in the same traditions as our ancestors. Donald Trump is a magnificent leader. He has our gratitude. Let’s all give Donald Trump a great big hand.”

    Paul Ryan’s last words

  11. BigHank53 says:

    Oh, c’mon. We all know an intern wrote this–Ryan is way too busy with vital and important Speaker business, like destroying MediCare. It is illuminating, though, that he managed to choose the intern resentful enough to portray Ryan as a craven, spineless boot-licker…and clever enough to get Ryan to like it.

    • Peterr says:

      Intern?

      I was trying to decide if it was written by Ivanka or Jared. For a bit I thought maybe Steve Bannon, but there’s not enough red meat in it for him.

      And whether Ryan likes it or not is beside the point. I’m sure he was told “You *will* put your name on this, without editing it in any way, and send it on to TIME.”

  12. veleda_k says:

    Where others would turn back, he forges ahead.

    I’m having Kerry vs. Bush flashbacks. “Kerry is flip-flopper! Bush stays the course!” Forging ahead isn’t a good thing when you’re driving towards a cliff.

  13. catclub says:

    Never afraid of a battle, he has made it his mission to fight for those who feel forgotten.

    Anybody can go to bat for billionaires, but who is speaking up for the lowly centimillionaire these days except Donald Trump?

  14. daves09 says:

    Ryan thinks he’s John Galt but he’s Mr. Mouch.

  15. Peterr says:

    A businessman always willing to challenge convention, . . .

    Most businessmen follow the quaint convention of paying their subcontractors, but not Donald.

    • John Revolta says:

      Yeah that’s the first quaint convention I thought of too. Also the quaint convention of paying back all the money you borrowed from somebody instead of maybe 5 or 10 percent and take it or leave it.

      In fact that whole quaint convention of keeping your word about anything at all was really getting kinda threadbare, amirite?

  16. MacK says:

    Grovel, crawl, brownose, suck-up, suck-suck-suck, ass-lick – Ryan could give a course.

  17. NewishLawyer says:

    I’m generally more forgiving of the media than many here but I don’t get why stuff like this list get published and also that damned Flannagan essay.

  18. Caepan says:

    “Mr. Speaker? I have a question.

    “So how does the sweat you licked from Mr. Trump’s taint taste?”

  19. GeorgeBurnsWasRight says:

    And Ryan is kissing the ass of a man who can’t even remember what his name is.

    Or maybe it’s worse- now that Trump has called him “Ron”, he’ll be forced to change his name. ‘Cause Trump can never make a mistake.

  20. The Great God Pan says:

    No mention of Trump’s large hands and natural-looking skin tone. Oversight or calculated omission?

  21. Lars H says:

    Two sentences in a row that start off with participle phrases that glorify the Trump in the main clause (that construction should be banned in any context; so grating!), quickly followed by a pair of sentences that lead with subordinate clauses (“Where others…”) that show, by contrast, the strength of the Trump in the main clause, and finally a sentence that starts with prepositional phrase to tell us how near Ryan is to the Trump the rest of us have only heard of. Please rewrite with an eye toward more sentence variety a less hagiography.

  22. John F says:

    He always finds a way to get it done.

    No… he’s had his share of setbacks

    When so many, including me at times, didn’t see how he could pull it off, Donald Trump won a historic victory. And in becoming the 45th President of the United States, he completely rewrote the rules of politics and reset the course of this country.

    yeah, true more or less

    A businessman always willing to challenge convention

    replace “convention” with propriety…

    he has shaken up Washington

    far less than Id’ feared…

    and laid out an agenda of generational proportions.

    sure… just keep telling yourself that

    Never afraid of a battle, he has made it his mission to fight for those who feel forgotten.

    BS

    Where others would pivot, he stays true to who he is.

    Well he does stay true to who [what] he is, but that includes frequent pivots

    Where others would turn back, he forges ahead.

    Yes, he’s the type of guy who will go over the cliff playing chicken

    Up close, I have found a driven, hands-on leader

    LIAR

    with the potential to become a truly transformational American figure.

    yes, I agree, just not the way you’re thinking

    I have little doubt that he will, once again, find a way to defy the odds and get it done.

    get what done?

  23. jim, some guy in iowa says:

    what else could one expect from a guy who so much resembles that greasy friend of Beaver Cleaver?

  24. Pete says:

    Good God. I used to respect Ryan some, but ….

    On the other hand, I can see why they didn’t trust anyone in WH communications to put it together.

  25. […] Paul Ryan, that supposed man of principle and seriously wonky disposition, has no qualms tongue-bathing Trump in print. And while he seems cool with having gone to college on his family’s Social […]

Leave a Reply

You must be logged in to post a comment.