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Our President is a 6 Year Old Who Throws Tantrums

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For the love of all things holy. Can we impeach Trump already?

The new president is reluctant to meet the prince when he comes to Britain in June because of their violently divergent views on global warming.

Members of Trump’s inner circle have warned officials and ministers that it would be counterproductive for Charles to “lecture” Trump on green issues and that he will “erupt” if pushed. They want the younger princes, William and Harry, to greet the president instead. Royal aides insist that he should meet Trump.

Senior government officials now believe Charles is one of the most serious “risk factors” for the visit.

Trump’s team is also concerned that he will face a wave of protests, with thousands of people taking to the streets to denounce him.

Meanwhile, in Louisiana:

Bren Haase, chief of planning for the Coastal Protection and Restoration Authority (CPRA), was presenting his team’s updated Coastal Master Plan. Five years in the making and comprising 6,000 pages of text and appendices, the document details $50 billion in investments over five decades in ridges, barrier islands, and marsh creation. Tucked into the plan was a number whose significance surpasses all others: 14 feet, the height beyond which Haase’s agency has concluded homes couldn’t feasibly be elevated.

In areas where a so-called 100-year flood is expected to produce between 3 feet and 14 feet of water, the plan recommends paying for homes to be raised and communities preserved. In places where flood depths are expected to exceed that height, residents would be offered money to leave. “We’re trying to make the best decisions for the most people,” said Haase, adding that Louisiana’s strategy could become a model for other states. “The plan is really a framework to make those tough decisions.”

As Trump’s administration prepares to unravel federal policies aimed at reducing carbon emissions, state and local governments are trying increasingly aggressive steps to cope with the consequences of those emissions. In New Jersey, a state program offers residents in flood zones the pre-Hurricane Sandy value of their homes, turning the land into a buffer against the next storm. In Alaska, entire coastal towns are petitioning the federal government for money to move inland.

But nowhere is the rush to adapt to climate change more urgent than in Louisiana. Levees built in the aftermath of the Great Mississippi Flood of 1927 reduced inundations but also the deposit of sediment that had offset the gradual sinking of the marshlands—a process that accelerated with the expansion of the area’s oil and gas industry. Meanwhile, canals built to service the oil and gas wells let salt water penetrate deeper into the marshes, killing vegetation and speeding erosion. Since 1932, the state has lost 1,800 square miles of land, roughly equivalent to 80 Manhattans. On top of all that, Louisiana must contend with sea-level rise. If it does nothing, the state is expected to lose as much as 4,000 additional square miles of land in the next half-century. Its residents have no choice but to retreat from the coast; the question officials are trying to answer is where that retreat can be postponed and for how long.

The Trump administration is going to do a great job at dealing with the real world. Of course, given the voting patterns of the state of Louisiana, probably not worse than the people actually being flooded out of their homes.

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  • DamnYankees

    I never got the sense that either William or Harry were particularly stupid. They can read this article, right?

    The UK should have them meet and push Trump on the point. And they should film it.

    • N__B

      I never got the sense that either William or Harry were particularly stupid.

      Which one was photographed dressed in an SS uniform for a halloween party?

      • DamnYankees

        Harry. Wasn’t he a teenager at the time?

        • Denverite

          Yes, and by all accounts he’s grown up considerably since then. I understand that combat duty will tend to do that.

          • N__B

            Good to hear. I don’t follow royalty much, so I’m probably aware of more bad than good.

          • Lot_49

            I’d imagine “combat duty” for royals is more of a nuisance for the real military than an enlightening experience for the princes in question.

            • In this case, it was the real thing, commanding an infantry company in Afghanistan. The tour was cut short when Fleet Street published enough information for the Taliban to figure out where he was, making him a risk to his troops. This really was not ceremonial. Give Harry a pass.

              • Snuff curry

                making him a risk to his troops.

                More than a risk. Camp Bastion actually happened.

                It wasn’t ceremonial, but his deployment with armed guards and extra staff, even after Charles’s (largely untaxed) contributions, was considerably less value (than other members of the family) for the average taxpayer’s money.

        • sigaba

          Who HASN’T, in the sap of their teenage years, dressed like a 1930s SS-Mann for a Halloween party?

          • wjts

            On the one hand, I didn’t, but on the other hand, I did think those “Hitler European Tour” t-shirts were hilariously edgy.

        • The Dark God of Time

          And he grew up in government housing without his mum.

          • Golf claps!

          • mojrim

            Now drop the mike and exit stage left.

        • The Great God Pan

          He was 20 or 21.

      • wjts

        Afrika Korps rather than SS. And he seems to have wised up, as Denverite said.

    • Derelict

      Whether it’s Charles or the kids, someone should meet with Trump and really push him on global warming. Get the dumb sumbitch to explode and tear up “the special relationship.”

      Can Donald J. Trump make the United States a pariah nation in less than a year? Tune in next week!

      • efgoldman

        someone should meet with Trump and really push him on global warming

        I’m an angry old white guy. I’d just love it if the whole family refused, publicly, to meet with him.
        In fact, ‘fie wuz them, I’d turn the plane back and not let him land.
        But that’s just me.

        Fuckem.

        • Mike G

          Cancel Trump’s diplomatic visa mid-flight, then detain him in a cell at Heathrow for hours before deporting him.

          I wonder if Trump will chat with William and Harry about how he could have banged their mom.

    • My sense has always been that William and Harry are good little royals who know that their job is to look pretty (or, as they get older, have pretty wives), be amusingly upper-class English, and never ever express an opinion on politics. (Well, Harry recently went off-book when he tore the British tabloids a new one for their racist harassment of his girlfriend, but that’s as much personal as it is political.)

      Charles, on the other hand, has never been shy about his politics and is even rumored to have interfered in the legislative process on several occasions. Until about ten hours ago, I found that just as infuriating as most of my British friends, so it’s something of a shock to have to start thinking of him as a hero for our times.

      • Jean-Michel

        The play King Charles III (which will be getting a TV version on PBS/BBC sometime this year) involves a hypothetical scenario in which Charles precipitates a constitutional crisis by refusing to sign off on new press restrictions. It also has a lot of business with his kids that’s frankly kind of silly, but it’s done in a cod-Shakespearean way complete with iambic pentameter and the ghost of Princess Di, so I can’t quite condemn it for lack of realism when that was evidently part of the point.

        • Warren Terra

          King Charles III as I recall also engages in a not-insignificant amount of Lady-Macbething of William’s wife Kate Middleton. To be fair, she apparently decided to marry him before she ever met him, and decided on where and even when to go to college in order to facilitate that, so there’s fertile ground there.

          • Jean-Michel

            Yeah, I meant to include her along with his kids. Sadly the great Lydia Wilson (who deserves better than being buried under prosthetics and speaking a made-up language in a Star Trek movie) won’t be reprising the role in the TV version.

      • MacK

        By all accounts in their early 20s they were determined to say no to the job – being worth a decent sum by inheritance from their mother each – and had to be browbeaten by the family.

        • Manny Kant

          You can’t say no to the job. It comes automatically, barring an act of parliament to remove you from the line of succession.

          • Hogan

            If they abdicated, would Parliament refuse to go along?

            • sibusisodan

              Parliament passed the Act consenting to Edward’s abdication. It would be bumpy, but all the manoeuvring would occur prior to any declaration of abdication for parliament to vote on.

    • TopsyJane

      Father and sons alike have reasons not to like Trump. Trump used to send the late Diana flowers and muse in public on her hotness, then later mused in public on her “craziness.”

      Rather than send Wills and Harry in Charles’ stead, I’d send Beatrice and Eugenie.

      • Origami Isopod

        I’d send Beatrice and Eugenie.

        Heavily armed.

      • Warren Terra

        Trump was rather worse than that about their mother.

  • DrDick

    Frankly, you give Trump too much credit. He is much more like a 2-3 year who has tantrums. By six, they are at least marginally rational beings.

    • N__B

      As the father of a reasonably average 6-year-old, there would be some serious discussion and probably a day’s loss of cartoon privileges if Mini__B ever acted like that.

      • Denverite

        Yup. As the father of not one but two six year-olds, tantrums are a non-negotiable loss of significant privileges, like no TV or video games for a couple of days. You gotta nip that shit in the bud.

        • DamnYankees

          The end of the world might be caused by Fred Trump’s indifferent parenting.

          • efgoldman

            The end of the world might be caused by Fred Trump’s indifferent parenting

            Indifferent or abusive?
            Didn’t Tangerine Terror have a mother? A governess?

            • Origami Isopod

              Abusive. Ask Trump’s brother… oh, wait, you can’t, he drank himself to death after a lifetime of bullying from both Fred and Donny.

        • Asteroid_Strike_Brexit

          As the father of not one but two six year-olds, tantrums are a non-negotiable loss of significant privileges, like no TV or video games for a couple of days.

          Didn’t Kellyanne Conway confiscate Trump’s phone in a crucial week before the election to stop him tweeting stupid shit?

      • DrDick

        Exactly.

      • Warren Terra

        You’re saying they should threaten him with loss of Fox News privileges?

        • N__B

          …the horror…the horror…

        • Gizmo

          Somebody needs to enforce rules about Donalds’ screen time for the good of the country.

    • sigaba

      How old are the kids who say no to the marshmallow now in exchange for two later? Trump’s not that old.

      • efgoldman

        Trump’s not that old.

        I’ve said before: my 3-1/2 year old granddaughter has better self-control, better impulse control, a better sense of actions>consequences, is more logical, and probably uses language better than the Peach Pustule.

    • DocAmazing

      I know one or two things about child development, and I believe Professor Loomis slanders six-year-olds. Six-year-olds, in the main, can delay gratification, show some self-control, and follow concrete logic. I see none of those features in the Citrus King.

    • I must concur with the consensus here; this headline is defamatory to six-year-olds.

  • wjts

    Members of Trump’s inner circle have warned officials and ministers that it would be counterproductive for Charles to “lecture” Trump on green issues and that he will “erupt” if pushed.

    Perhaps Charles could lecture him on architecture instead? Agree or disagree with his views, I expect the fellow who made the “monstrous carbuncle” speech could come up with a few choice words for that man’s collection of tacky architectural excesses.

    • sibusisodan

      I would pay money to watch that.

      I quite like the idea of popping down the London to protest Trump, too.

    • They are looking for some great footage to show Trump’s followers back home and they are well aware that Trump and Melania (if she goes!) are never going to be photographed with their arms around the Queen, or asked back for tea, like Michelle and the girls. Trump is never going to go abroad (I think) because he knows he will never get the adoring crowds that Obama got and since the inauguration he is terrified of any one to one comparison shot. Though I wouldn’t put it past them to try to photoshop pro-trump signs over anti trump signs in key locations if he does go abroad.

      • Derelict

        Sure would be interesting if the Trumps go to Europe . . .

        . . . and then Melania is refused re-entry to the United States because of Trump’s executive order.

      • Warren Terra

        Also, William’s wife and Harry’s girlfriend are much-photographed tabloid fodder, one held up as a fashion icon and the other as a TV beauty. Much more the sort Trump wants to be photographed in, the better to get a spread in The National Enquirer.

  • mombrava

    I was just in New Orleans for a job interview. I did manage to ask, in not so many words, “How much longer is New Orleans actually going to be here?” The consensus seems to be that the city is salvageable for the rest of our lifetimes, especially if the measures mentioned in the article are put in place. That said, Louisiana doesn’t have $50 billion, and there is no way Bannon/Trump are going to get behind all that cash to save a liberal city. If we move, I’m thinking I’ll rent, not buy.

    • medrawt

      I hope that the consensus is true – or even better than that – but the denialism particularly around coastal Louisiana and Florida continues to astonish me. I’ve said before – Cape Cod is going into the ocean. Has nothing to do with global warming, though that may contribute to the pace of it, but since we have written record of people living in Cape Cod, they’ve been observing the sea takes a little more land every year. It’ll take something like 10,000 years. The same thing is happening in Florida and Louisiana, but the time scale isn’t thousands of years, it’s decades. And the powers that be cannot integrate that into their worldview because they’re committed to generic denialism around these issues.

      • Denverite

        I had a set of grandparents that lived by the Texas Gulf Coast. Every few years, we’d go for a drive through some of the beach communities. They’d always remark about how building patterns were like clockwork. The first few years after a major hurricane or storm, the houses went up correctly, on poles with nothing major underneath. The next few years after that, people would start to build minor structures underneath — carports and wash-away garages and the like. Stuff that wouldn’t cause the house to be destroyed, but that would be expensive to replace. Then, about 6-8 years after a storm, houses would go up with living structures starting at ground level that would almost certainly cause the whole house to be swept away when the next surge hit.

      • efgoldman

        The same thing is happening in Florida and Louisiana, but the time scale isn’t thousands of years, it’s decades.

        Orangemandyas won’t live to see it, but Mar a Lago will be under water pretty quickly.

        • nixnutz

          I’m really surprised that FL real estate hasn’t cratered already. You’d think someone with extensive investments there would take the threat seriously but of course it’s in his interest to deny it until he can can cash out.

          • BiloSagdiyev

            Can we find a way to encourage all of the invasive big python snakes to hang out at his place?

          • Platypus Prime

            The house of cards will come crashing down as soon as an insurer sets a precedent by refusing to issue or renew someone’s policy based on the statistically inevitable flooding risk.

            As far as I can tell, they’re currently pretending everything is peachy. The moment an insurer decides to fold and embrace reason, there should be a domino effect.

            • Redwood Rhiadra

              Flood insurance in the Gulf Coast areas is now mostly handled by the Feds under the National Flood Insurance Program. And that program will never raise rates so long as a climate denier is in charge.

      • There’s a very cool feature in a museum on Cape Cod that shows you the deposit and erosion factors at work on Cape Cod over the centuries. Sand gets swept away on one side, and deposited on the other, so the “arm” moves back and forth about six to twenty feet over the centuries, gets a little crookeder, gets a little rounder. Like that.

    • BiloSagdiyev

      New Orelans’ problem isn’t just the river and the ocean and the rain and the wind… someday, the river will abandon them, and that will be a major economic blow to that city.

      (And a massive disaster along the river’s new route.)

    • Warren Terra

      That said, Louisiana doesn’t have $50 billion

      When you see things like this, just remember Trump is dedicated to building, and the Congress apparently to funding, a $15-25 billion border wall that will accomplish nothing at enormous fiscal and environmental cost.

    • I live in Florida currently, about ten miles from the Gulf of Mexico. I am fully conscious that my home will probably be underwater in around fifty years, and if not, the changing climate will probably make the state uninhabitable anyway.

  • Sorry Louisiana. We’ve got a wall to build. Priorities, you know.

    • Lurks

      So, you’re saying that if we can get a couple Mexicans to motorboat over from the Yucatan, Louisiana can get a seawall to keep them out?

      • runsinbackground

        Only if we can get that man to erupt in the right way.

    • Haven’t you heard, ISIS has been recruiting Florida manatees to invade Louisiana from the sea? BUILD THAT LEVEEWALL NOW.

      • Steve LaBonne

        Oh, the huge manatee!

      • Origami Isopod

        Pfft, manatees aren’t halal!

  • Members of Trump’s inner circle have warned officials and ministers that it would be counterproductive for Charles to “lecture” Trump on green issues and that he will “erupt” if pushed. They want the younger princes, William and Harry, to greet the president instead. Royal aides insist that he should meet Trump.

    Prince Charles should send a cardboard cutout of himself to whatever meeting is planned, since Turmp is so clearly afraid of the man.

    • Manju

      Lady Di. Charles didn’t want her, Trump couldn’t get her. It all comes down to small hands again.

    • Mike G

      “Hey there, Billy, Harry. Did I ever tell ya I could have banged your mom?”

      • N__B

        Never mind Trump erupting, what’s the diplomatic protocol if a prince takes a swing at him?

        • Hogan

          The Foot Guards and the Secret Service each select a champion who will engage in single combat.

          • N__B

            How that ends.

            • I was more thinking along the lines of Game of Thrones, but that didn’t exactly end prettily the most famous time it was shown onscreen.

        • (((Malaclypse)))

          It would require me to give grudging respect to the House of Fucking Windsor.

          • If that happened I think I could be persuaded to support restoration of British control of the colonies.

          • mds

            That’s “House of Fucking Hanover and Fucking Saxe-Coburg and Gotha.” Now let’s all raise a glass to the king across the water.

  • MacK

    A bit of an issue if he won’t meet Charles. The queen is 90 and not in great health – as for her husband – Philip is noted for tactlessness and not suffering fools gladly. He might just rip Trump a new one…

    • I would pay money to see Prince Phillip curl his lip at Trump.

      • Hells Littlest Angel

        I’m sure the entire royal family, even the babies, is aware that Trump is just nouveau riche trash from Queens.

        • TopsyJane

          I’m sure the entire royal family, even the babies, is aware that Trump is just nouveau riche trash from Queens.

          They’re just a bunch of transplanted Germans functioning as costly national mascots. (The Queen looks remarkably like her Hanoverian forebears these days.)

    • DocAmazing

      They might be able to get Helen Mirren to stand in…nah, she’d eviscerate that peach prick.

    • TopsyJane

      Philip is also noted for tactless “politically incorrect” insults, so they might find areas to agree on.

      • MacK

        Indeed – but – he’s also notably blunt and undiplomatic and might well call Trump a pillock or worse. In a way Trump woukd be better off with Charles the self pitying and self regarding narcissist.

  • AB

    It’s been suggested that Trump be received in the UK as chief of government, rather than head of state. This would finesse some of the difficulties, though I’m perfectly happy having them out in the open.

    • That’s what the online petition cleverly proposes, to box May in. Last done for Yitzhak Shamir, who was after all a convicted terrorist.

  • Hells Littlest Angel

    If Charles can get Little Gloves to “erupt” (ideally with a fucking aneurysm), I’ll have to seriously consider abandoning anti-monarchism.

  • MacK

    The Irish Taoiseach is now under pressure to cancel the traditional St Patrick’s day thingy.

  • ASV

    Also apparently afraid of stairs.

    • ΧΤΠΔ

      John Cole posted about that on Balloon Juice; the commenters there are split evenly between the explanation being exceptionally poor health and him being, well, a toddler.

  • It’s cheering to log on to the British Parliament’s web page for the petition to disinvite Trump from the state visit. The online counter ticks up while you watch, at an impressive rate. Well over 450,000 when I added my name a few hours ago. Sorry, only Brits can sign, but you can cheer us on from your couch.

    • Hogan

      UP CITY!

    • Richard Gadsden

      I signed a while ago too, and it’s now at 875,000 or so.

      It’s been up there a while, but it had less than 10,000 this morning.

      PS I really admire the gov.uk team who build this, because it’s been rock-solid under a hell of a lot of load.

  • Trump’s team is also concerned that he will face a wave of protests, with thousands of people taking to the streets to denounce him.

    If only history repeats itself, Nixon in Venezuela style.

  • Trump is nothing like a six year old. Six year olds know how to behave. (He was shipped off to NYMA because he was such a nasty little prick.)
    A three year old would be much more accurate.

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