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The Liberal Conspiracy


Evidently, mentioning that football leads to massive brain trauma is a liberal conspiracy against real America.

In other news, I think we all are cheering for Oregon to crush Tennessee today in the kind of north over south victory that hasn’t been witnessed since the days of one W.T. Sherman.

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  • bspencer

    Writing at Townhall, Timothy Birdnow claimed that destroying the NFL is “the left’s end-game.”

    This makes complete sense because no one on the left watches football.

    • prufrock

      Yeah, it’s not like I just printed the tickets to FSU-Nevada and am driving to Tallahassee right now or anything.

      • Malaclypse

        No True Leftist.

    • ironic irony

      The left likes football? That’s unpossible!

      Hell, I’m as left as they come, and not only do I watch football, I also watch football (the “weak, European” kind we call “soccer”).

      • McAllen

        But see, that’s exactly the plan! Liberals will replace Real Football with wimpy pretend football, thus causing our youth to love all things anti-American and setting the stage for a Eurosocialist invasion!!!

        • KLG

          They don’t call it Commie Kickball in Clemson for nothing.

          • Colin Day

            Do they know that Clemson has two national titles in Commie Kickball?

            Clemson soccer

        • Davis X. Machina

          Someone has to show them selected Paolo di Canio videos on YouTube.

      • JoyfulA

        The wimpy kind, where unhelmeted players hit the football with their heads.

    • Ed K

      Destroying the NCAA, now….

    • John Protevi

      Continuing the Birdnow (really? he must have had a *great* childhood because there’s no way he was emotionally stunted by the cruel taunts of classmates) quote:

      There has been an increasing effort by the Progressives to straitjacket young children. Sports are one outlet they have targeted, with an increasingly regimented and organized approach to what were once thought of as children’s games. Michelle Obama may say “Let’s Move!,” but she wants all movement under her watchful eye.

      Yeah, because if there’s one escape from an increasingly regimented and organized approach to sports it’s youth league American football.

      “Football, Mandrake, children’s football!”

      • Brandon

        Leftists invented Pop Warner and Little League

        • I have fallen into the black hole that is Sons of Anarchy (i.e. Hamlet on Motorbikes) and one of my favorite scenes so far in the first two seasons is the one where the really, really, scary neo nazi tells the less scary neo nazi that the reason he became a nazi was because his grandson’s T ball league was giving “all the kids a trophy” and “teaching the kids that life was not a ruthless competition.”

          I expect that when I get up to Season Six I may find the Nazis lecturing the Latinos and Blacks about the need to drink more alcohol and less water to avoid the iron fisted grasp of Michelle Obama.

          • calling all toasters

            re SOA: Get out now. It goes from Hamlet to No Exit really quickly after season 2.

            • Don’t say that. I was hoping for more of a downshifting to Macbeath and then, maybe, some Lear.

              • Macbeth is a downshift from Hamlet?

                This means war!

          • GFW

            “Hamlet on motorbikes” – that’s great. Am I the only person who’s ever seen Camelot on motorbikes, aka http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0082622 ?

      • Origami Isopod

        Cerberus did a post on that ClownHall column last month, in case anyone here hasn’t seen it yet.

    • There’s an irony here, that supposedly liberals hate college football, while the part of the electorate with the most education, those with more than a 4 year college degree, were the educational group that gave Obama his largest margin, 13 points.

      • Hogan

        Real college football fans never went to college.

        • Lee Rudolph

          That seems fair, given that in effect so few of the players they watch have done that, either.

          • Colin Day


  • TT

    Dastardly liberals, taking all the fun out of traumatic brain injury.

    • I’ll admit that I’m having serious thoughts about no longer watching football. I loved boxing when I was a kid, and that time–mid 70’s through the early 80’s–was a terrific time for boxing. First there were the heavyweight,s like Ali, Foreman, Frazier, and Holmes. Then there were the lightweights and middleweights, like my hometown guy Tommy Hearns, Duran, Sugar Ray, Marvelous Marvin. But when it became clear that Ali was so damaged–and every kid in my neighborhood would try to imitate interviews between Howard Cosell and Muhammad Ali–I decided to stop watching boxing.

      There’s a line in Doubt where a sister says she sugar up for lent and forgot to take it back out after lent; the priest says “it musn’t have been much to give up, then.” It would be like that for me with the NFL; I started boycotting the lines years ago and vowed to never follow them until their owner sells the team or dies. But I love Michigan football, but I may stop watching it.

      I guess my rule is would I watch boys and men do something that I would not allow my own son to do out of fear he would suffer lasting cognitive damage. The evidence is mounting such that I may not be able to keep watching it.

      • WTF is going on my autocorrect?

        I gave up the Lions, not lines

        • Lee Rudolph

          Well, I’ve heard that those too can cause cognitive impairment.

    • Davis X. Machina

      Taking all the fun out of traumatic brain injury.

      This is an ax swung at the very roots of movement conservatism.

      • NBarnes

        +1 genuinely Laughed out Loud IRL

      • FMguru

        Yep. More traumatic brain injury = more reliable conservative voters. They’re just looking to preserve their base of support.

        • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

          I saw a video on Tosh last night of a guy running into a car window, apparently trying to break the window. He would bonk off, fall down, get up and hit it again. And again. And again. Until he couldn’t get up anymore.

          And that is exactly what I thought: Obviously a Republican voter.

      • Barry Freed

        Awesome. Please pick up your internet at the front desk.

  • DrDick

    I think this may have some bearing on that.

    • Ed K

      Sadly, College President, Med School Dean, Med School Department Chair, and Med School Plastic Surgeon aren’t the folks you should be paying the kind of money that makes one ‘highest paid public employee’ either, especially when that’s making you more highly paid than the fucking football coaches.

      This is especially depressing since my university just had a med school rammed down our throats and I can already hear the sucking sound of all the money being drained from everything else to ensure that everyone involved with it is being compensated at ‘market appropriate’ levels (something no one ever seems to mention when humanities faculty are being discussed).

    • MAJeff

      Saw that, too. Depressed the hell out of me. Does speak, though, to American values: the state as entertainer.

      • Anonymous

        Oh for fuck’s sake: Urban Meyer and John Calipari aren’t state employees by any reasonable stretch of the imagination. Just fucking stop this shit already.

        • Ed K

          Why not, because you don’t want to hate on them?

          Do you feel the same way about all the other employees of the universities they work for?

          • Brien Jackson

            Because big time coaches get paid out of revenues generated. The implication of that idiotic graphic is that they’re getting paid with tax money.

            • Ed K

              And this differs from, say, state police how?

              Taxes are revenues. So are fines, fees, ticket prices, the proceeds from advertising sales, tuition, and what not.

              And there are 19! Division 1 football programs in the US that make money. 19. So don’t be so damn sure they’re not being paid out of taxes, or student tution, etc.

              • Brien Jackson

                “And this differs from, say, state police how?

                Taxes are revenues. So are fines, fees, ticket prices, the proceeds from advertising sales, tuition, and what not. ”

                I’m not even in the mood to entertain this nonsense today. Happy fapping.

                • Ed K

                  Calling it nonsense doesn’t make it so.

                  But if you’d prefer, we can return to the original example. Is university tuition not an example of ‘revenues generated’? Or are you going to argue that the state subsidies that universities continue to get support faculty but not coaches?

                  Speaking of nonsense, at least I have a substantive reply beyond moodiness.

                • Brien Jackson

                  Right, you equated tax revenue with selling tickets and concessions. Well, bullshit is a kind of substance I suppose.

                • Ed K

                  My point, which you’re ignoring *so hard that its difficult to believe you’re being anything but disingenuous* is that very few if any ‘state’ institutions and their employees are totally funded by tax revenue — and, conversely, very few are entirely independent of it, either.

                • Bartleby

                  Can’t come up with an appropriate response to inconvenient facts? Just start yelling “bullshit” and “nonsense.” Nice strategy.

              • LosGatosCA

                Please stop with the facts, please. You’re hurting his head.

                Having to follow the trail from some tuition money that goes to pay head coaches salaries and retire stadium bonds is offset by state general revenue funds that are collected mostly from regressive sales taxes paid by the lower classes that don’t benefit from higher education opportunities is a thread too long to follow without creating it’s own traumatic brain injury, for some.

                • Brien Jackson

                  There’s also things like ticket sales, parking, concessions, and multi-million dollar scholarship deals that are derived entirely by the athletic department.

              • Colin Day

                And there are 19! Division 1 football programs in the US that make money.

                To be mathematically pedantic, 19! is a little over 100 quadrillion.

            • That implies they all generate more money than they drain from the university. That’s true of quite a few programs, but a solid majority of division I programs are net drains on the university. In particular, a lot of football programs not only don’t generate enough money to fund other parts of the athletic program–like at Michigan, where the football program pays for everything else AND usually puts a few million per year in to the university’s general fund–but they are a net drain on the university’s finances.

              • DrDick

                Actually, as Ed K points out, it is only a tiny minority of programs that actually make money.

                • I think around 50%-60% of D-1 football programs regularly but not constantly make money. Maybe only 20 or so always make money. And only a handful of athletic programs–all sports, men and women–are fully self-sufficient. The ones that are typically have a consistently good football program, a good TV deal for both football and men’s basketball, and a big stadium they fill for every home game.

                  In 2011-2012 there were 23 programs–all but 2 from the Big Ten, Big Twelve of SEC–with revenue greater than expenses.

                • Every one of this year’s preseason top 25 football programs had net profits in 2010-2011. But many of them did not raise enough revenue to lift the overall athletic program to self-sufficiency or profit.

                • Brien Jackson

                  It’s also, by definiton, a “tiny minority” of programs that have coaches who are the “highest paid state employee” in their state.

                • Right, because there are only 50 states, and there can only be one highest paid state employee. Besides, in 26 states the highest paid employee was the football coach. That’s roughly, what, one quarter of D-1 or whatever they call the bowl eligible division? Hardly a tiny minority of programs (and probably in some states the second highest employee is also a football coach).

        • Brien Jackson

          My cookies, they haz been had.

        • John Protevi

          ??? Au contraire, mon frère, they are the very quintessence of state employees nowadays: they use a state institution as cover to rake in a mix of taxpayer and private monies. (Donations to college athletics foundations, which provide a lot of a big-time coach’s salary and perks, are about 80% fed tax deductible. I’m not sure about state income tax deductions, but I’d be surprised if they aren’t.) http://www.ehow.com/about_7500474_donations-colleges-tax-deductible.html

          With various twists and turns (or mutatis mutandis, if you will) would be like Louisiana sheriffs, using their public institution to skim off a mix of public and private funds:

          Several homegrown private prison companies command a slice of the market. But in a uniquely Louisiana twist, most prison entrepreneurs are rural sheriffs, who hold tremendous sway in remote parishes like Madison, Avoyelles, East Carroll and Concordia. A good portion of Louisiana law enforcement is financed with dollars legally skimmed off the top of prison operations.


          • John Protevi

            Another analogy would be board members of a charter school system. Under cover of a public institution, they get loads of bucks from the non-profit board that runs the school. http://blog.nola.com/graphics/2009/05/Principal-and-Asst-Principal-Salaries.pdf

            These charter school folks too get rewarded for fundraising:

            Among the reasons Brown cited for the lofty salary: Riedlinger’s record of high academic performance, her management of one of the city’s largest charters, and her pivotal role in fundraising, which has netted about $6 million since 2005.


            • Something else I’ve recently figured out is sort of a legal fraud is (some) adoption agencies. There are adoption agencies that approve way more people then they’ll ever be able to place a child and make them adoptive parents. There’s a federal tax credit of over $12K for some of the main adoption-related expenses, such as agency fees and home studies. So if you sign up with an agency that places 20 kids a year and has 80 couples waiting to adopt, you know there are plenty of couples who will never adopt through that agency, which they’ve probably already paid around $8K to $10K. After a few years, if you haven’t adopted, you can get the tax credit. So, while there’s obviously tremendous disappointment for those couples, if they didn’t go too far down the road of adoption and paid less than $13K, they’re going to get their money back.

              Some of those adoption agencies probably go out and raise charitable donations as well. So their staff are out raising some of their own salaries through donations, but also by taking money that people can afford to spend since they will get it back in the form of tax credits, which are paid by all of us.

              [Note: I have no problem with the tax credits or people who avail themselves of the credits, my issue is with agencies that exploit people’s desire to have a child to get agency fees that are ultimately paid by the federal government, and in some places, by the state as well.]

          • Ed K

            But John, we’re just fapping now, nonsensically, because, you know, data and stuff gets in the way of these nice apologetic narratives in which Urban shines forth in his radiant virtue from the grasping mass of infantile scum sucking off the teat of the gov’mint. We should shut up now.

            • John Protevi

              I don’t think that’s what Brien Jackson is after, actually. It is true that the percentage of a big-time coaches compensation that comes directly from state funds in terms of base salary is small.

              Let’s take Les Miles as an example. http://www.lsureveille.com/salary/article_106537be-85df-11e2-890a-0019bb30f31a.html His total compensation is over $4 mil, of which only $300K is base salary, and hence directly traceable to state funds. He also gets $550K from Tiger Athletic Foundation contributions, which are Fed income tax deductible at 80% when tickets are involved (as noted above, I’m not sure about state income tax deduction for TAF donations). Most of his money comes from his take of TV money, laundered through his local TV and radio gigs.

              We should note that the TAF picks up the tab for the athletic scholarships plus gives back some bucks to the general university fund. You would need a good forensic accountant with open books and some time to really work out the balance sheet here, but the really important point to make here I think is that money-making athletics programs wouldn’t be able to stay in the college sports niche of the sports entertainment market w/o using the state university name. So that’s the real public support we have to think about.

              Of course, this is just about money-making athletic programs, which as Ed notes, are not that numerous.

              • Ed K

                The variability of this is astonishing, I think, and as I’m arguing above, it applies all over the place both within universities and in other places too.

                How ‘state’ institutions from universities, their football programs and research faculties to transportation authorities to police forces and so on are being funded is an increasingly complex and multi-valent business that depends on a lot of different streams of revenue only a portion (and indeed a relatively small portion given the rhetorical force of ‘tax cuts’) can be traced in a simple way to ‘taxpayers.’

                Given that, I find the argument that we can somehow say that Urban or Les or whoever aren’t putting meaningful pressure on institutional or public funding pools is only believable if you want to be deliberately naive.

                • John Protevi

                  Yes, for sure. I’m not poor-mouthing at all (on the contrary, I know very well how lucky I am in regard to the population in general and the majority of HE labor in particular), but I’m just a run-of-the-mill prof and I get more than 15% of my total compensation in the form of supplement from a private donation to the LSU Foundation. I can take that as a tax-free research support fund or as taxable income. However, the folks at the LSU Foundation who handle the money (recruit it and then invest it and figure out what percentage to pay out each year) are public employees. So what percentage of my compensation is private and what is public?

                • John Protevi

                  Plus then you have the public support for the salary of the clerical staff in my department and in the Accounting Services section who handle the paper work that allows me to buy books and to travel with that research fund, which, again, has as its core a private donation, but which is handled at every step by public employees.

                • John Protevi

                  I think what I’m after is this: past and present public support plus faculty and staff labor that has built a public university is a necessary condition for the present form of college athletics (creation of a “college sports” niche in the sports entertainment industry). Thus it really *can’t* be brought into the accounting of the cash flows, as it’s not a component, but a condition.

  • OldBean

    Is it wrong of me to conclude that, deep down, in their heart of hearts, conservatives just get a jolly out of the pain and suffering of others (the more “other”, the better), and the rest of the ideology builds out from that foundation?

    • DrDick

      Why no, no it is not.

      • Lee Rudolph

        I think there’s also, possibly, some of the same kind of fantasy that apparently is common among Concealed Carry activists who seem to think that they would handily carry off a Heroic Rescue From Bad Guys; in this case,
        the conservative football fan might be imagining how much better he would take the punishment, and how he wouldn’t run crying to Mommy. But I dunno.

        • The heroic couch potato’s love of the idea of a violent, head banging, football actually makes me think more of Rome’s Vestal Virgins. Football, and the idea of football as an icon of Americanness is flexible, multifaceted, and just plain symbolic. It must remain inviolate even as everyone has forgotten the reasons or that there are just plain people underneath the uniform.

        • BigHank53

          I think it’s just a straight-up blood sport. “Your” team lets you identify with the punishment they mete out, and wallow in self-pity when the same treatment is visited upon them. Except, of course, when you get up in the morning you don’t have any torn ligaments or problems remembering if you’ve eaten breakfast of not.

    • calling all toasters

      Back in the day I had a roommate who tried to model himself after Michael J. Fox in that awful sitcom. His favorite football moment? Lawrence Taylor breaking Joe Theismann’s leg. How he laughed.

      • Can you expand on this vignette? Is it just a straight up connection: conservative/faux libertarian Alex Keaton would have enjoyed primarily the injuries and not the sport? Or do you have to know something specific about the incident in question, like who the players were or what they “stood for” aesthetically?

        • It was a spectacularly ugly compound fracture, on national TV, caused by a “clean” (i.e., within the rules) hit by a black linebacker who was both an expert at and a symbol of ultra-hard-hitting football against a white quarterback who was (for reasons I never understood) considered smart and photogenic. It was the epitome of football as socially-acceptable violence.

          • cpinva

            it was the ugliest injury I’ve ever had the misfortune to witness, in sports. you could hear the bone break, on tv. taylor immediately jumped up, and started waving to the Washington bench, to get their medical personnel on the field; he was aghast at the extent of the injury.

            why any sane person would find that scene in any way amusing, I couldn’t tell you.

    • Mike G

      Conservatives love violence, and worship violent institutions like the military and NFL because it gives them the vicarious thrill of inflicting violence.
      And you must always “support the troops/players”, unless those troops/players dare to question the violence they are inflicting or suffering, at which point they become dirty unMurkan commies.

  • Liberals don’t need a conspiracy to kill the NFL.

    The NFL is doing that to itself, just fine!

    The sport, live, is virtually unwatchable because of momentum-killing commercial breaks, where the players just stand around, and the people in the stadium sit around – and they seem to be trying to relay that virtually unwatchable quality to the TV audience.

    Here’s an example of commercial overkill:
    SCORE! – long string of commercials.
    Kickoff – after the return, if any, commercials.
    3 plays, punt – commercials.
    3 plays, punt – commercials.
    2 plays – commercials.
    Punt – commercials.
    A team starts getting some momentum going – break momentum by going to commercials.
    Return from break, momentum ruined, a few plays, punt – more commercials.

    I’m worried that they’ll figure out how to stick another commercial on the air while the QB is barking out signals, or while ball is up in the air.

    I love the sport of football.
    I hate what the NFL has done, in order to get paid to broadcast the games.

    I watch, because I’m an addict. And as “cut” as my drug is, I still watch it.
    But not as often, and not with the intensity I once had.
    But how can I have the same intensity, when every few plays, there’s a commercial.
    I end up doing a lot of reading, when there’s an NFL game on TV.

    • Oh, Keeerist!
      Why did I just write that?

      Now the NFL will start sticking commercials on the air during the plays:
      “The snap, is brought to you by Snapple, the…”
      “This pass, is brought to you by Southwest Airlines, the…”
      “This run, is brought to you by Nike, the…”
      “This kick, is brought to you by Hanes pants, the…”

      • owlbear1

        For years now the “Instant Replays” have been a completely missed source of advertising.

        Imagine, the replay of every pass, the ball is replaced with a flying logo!?

        How many millions of dollars have they let dribble away?

    • Murc

      It’s worth noting that this is completely foreign to sports fans from other countries.

      I once had a guy from England tell me that if they stopped soccer matches just to show TV commercials, they wouldn’t be able to come back to the game, because the stadium would have been burned down.

      • Bill Murray

        It was a pretty big deal to get soccer matches covered commercial “free” in the US. I remember seeing the 86 or 90 World Cup and Maradona (I think) scored a great goal during an in game US commercial

        • Robbert

          When the 1994 soccer World Cup was held in the USA, they proposed to change the matches from the usual two 45-minute halves into four 22.5-minute quarters, so that they could squeeze more commercials in. Even FIFA, ever the corporate whore, thought that was a bad idea.

          I have to say I never realized this about football. So am I understanding correctly that play gets suspended while commercials play on tv and an entire stadium filled with people just sits around waiting? That’s indeed a rather baffling thought to me.

      • Sam240

        It’s not just soccer. They won’t interrupt team handball, rugby, or Australian football with commercials, either.

        On the other hand, the uniforms do contain corporate logos, which can pose a problem when two teams with the same sponsor play each other, or when said sponsor shares a name with another team. “Who’s playing?” “I think it’s Quilmes against Quilmes.” “No, Quilmes isn’t listed as playing this game.”

        Then there are sponsors with names which have less than positive connotations in other languages. Good luck getting an American football player to wear a jersey with “Bimbo” printed prominently on the front.

  • Patrick Pine

    A liberal Ducks fan who not only believes in Ducks supremacy over SEC team Tennessee today but with win over Virginia already – awaiting wins over those conservative southern schools Cal and Stanford but also that little school up north in Seattle that is and always will be suspect…

  • Ken

    Another data point for the idea that Obama could solve a lot of his political problems by announcing that drinking bleach is bad for you.

    • Isn’t it time for Cleek’s shorter?

      Today’s conservatism is the opposite of what liberals want today: updated daily.

      With the addition of the observation that if it is impossible to ascertain what liberals want today you simply impute to them the opposite of what conservatives “like,” or think they like, and then add on a malevelont purpose to the presumption that liberals are out to destroy it because: anti american.

      All joking aside Rush Limbaugh still has hours to fill of radio time and his shtick has long been simply manufacturing outrage out of whatever caught his eye in the morning paper. I imagine that he could generate five weeks of outrage out of a store wide closing sale of 50 percent off or a notice proposing the installation of water fountains in public parks. Hell, at this point I could do it.

      • Gabriel Ratchet

        One of the more blatant examples of this mindset is the current wingnut obsession over Duck Dynasty. I don’t think I’ve ever heard any liberal say anything particularly negative about the show (some I know actually like it), except maybe to mention it in some overall criticism of the pandering phoniness of reality tv in general, but according to conservatives, liberals are supposedly up in arms about it.

  • Simple mInd

    Perhaps NBC has a weatherman as its now carrying Premier League soccer.

  • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

    Of all odd sources, a discussion recently at This Day In Science Fiction, the Prof had a prediction from 1893 that 100 years hence, football would have faded out; a commenter followed up saying that at roughly the same time(1905), football actually WAS in danger of being outlawed, as 18 (!) players had DIED ON THE FIELD.

    • Oh yeah, the number of deaths in early football is really out of control. What’s interesting is that because football was kind of an elite sport in its early years, a lot of those deaths came from the upper classes.

      • So: thinning the competition for the top spots after school?

        • Training for imperialism had its costs.

          • Well, yeah, dueling and jousting remained upper class sports long after their actual utility as forms of masculine preparation for war had ended.

      • Lee Rudolph

        Luckily trench warfare soon replaced some of that functionality! (But not enough.)

        • NBarnes

          I would pay in blood, limbs, and sexual favors if the primary form of capital gains taxation was the drafting of hedge fund managers into ‘teams’ who’d then compete to reach the other team’s endzone via the use of trenches, small arms fire, and artillery strikes.

          After that, the survivors can have all the capital gains they want.

          • cpinva

            I believe this was the original idea for the “Survivors” reality show. sadly, some network twit thought it wouldn’t sell.

  • Andrew Burday

    The really fascinating thing about this is that George Will has already demonstrated that (college) football is a “progressive” conspiracy to undermine American individualism. Those progressives; they’re always up to something.

    • Colin Day

      On the other hand, he did say of football that it combined two of the worst aspects of American life: violence and committee meetings.

      • Davis X. Machina

        I thought that one originated with George Carlin.

        I can’t imagine two people each of whom would be less excited to be found dead in a ditch with the other.

        • Bitter Scribe

          No, that was Will. The fact that he likes baseball confirms for me what a bore it is.

  • cpinva

    I found this paragraph most intriguing:

    “For years, the chairman of the NFL’s Mild Traumatic Brain Injury Committee, Dr. Elliott Pellman, portrayed concussions as nothing more than minor injuries. In fact, Pellman, a rheumatologist with no prior expertise in brain research, was the lead author of nine of the 16 studies published in 2003 that minimized the significance of concussions in the NFL. Pellman, who served as chairman from 1994 to 2007, also “discredited various independent studies concerning the severity of concussions,” writes Sean Newell of Deadspin.”

    it seems to me that dr. pellman better have really, really good malpractice insurance, as it appears to this non-lawyer that he’s opened himself up to hundreds of potential lawsuits. frankly, i’m surprised he hasn’t been sued yet, by someone suffering, as the consequence of his “research” for the league, “research” they purportedly relied on, in determining the league’s approach to the issue of traumatic head injuries.

    • calling all toasters

      I look for a specific protection for him from lawsuits in the next debt ceiling deal.

    • Davis X. Machina

      Sounds like Dr. Leo Spaceman wasn’t available.

  • timb

    The local Tea Party nutso radio host was parroting Limaugh’s line about a) no real evidence of any problem and b) football produces great men and the back bone of America (everyone remembers Henry Clay and Abe Lincoln starring in collegiate football).

    The are the new Leninists: EVERYTHING is political. Loomis’s weird hatred of sugared tomato paste for instance would be castigated as some sort leftist plot, because even condiments are politicized

    • cpinva

      abe Lincoln was a superior blocking tight end, for the IL blackhawks.

  • NBarnes

    Writing at Townhall, Timothy Birdnow claimed that destroying the NFL is “the left’s end-game.”

    Please tell me that we have a better end-game plan than that. I really hope that we, as liberals, have our sights set higher than ‘bury American football and piss on the grave’. I mean, I want to do that, too, but I’d really rather put the top marginal tax rate to 65% or so and index the minimum wage to inflation.

    • zombie rotten mcdonald, shambling dog of the imperialists

      Please tell me that we have a better end-game plan than that.

      Of course we do. The Abortionplex!!

  • MikeJake

    The virility and masculine pride I feel in having played high school football more than makes up for the chronic neck and shoulder pain I have today. We may have gone 1-9 my senior year, but the lessons in teamwork made it all worth it.

  • bspencer

    That Birdnow article is really something. I mean, sort of. It’s your typical American Thinker article, wherein a patchwork of wingnut grievances is pieced together with the “progressives are out to control your children by outlawing dodgeball” shtick. But it may be more unwieldy than most of their articles. I mean, we get blamed for everything from destroying masculinity to destroying individuality.

    It’s actually a pretty fun read if you’re a weirdo and into that sort of thing.

  • Shakezula

    Wow. How original. I’ve only seen about five other dumbfucks whining about liberals who are emasculating football by suggesting that maybe head injuries should be treated the same as knee injuries. (But for all I know the Right Whiners will soon be bitching when a player takes time off for any injury. Let’s make football even more like the gladiator games of old! Because Merkuh!)

    But as a liberal femi-nazi African-American woman from darkest LiberaLand – I can only say that I hope these staunch defenders of freedoom don’t reveal that head injuries aren’t a big deal by running into walls head first. As fast as they can. Over and over and over. That would make me REALLY angry.

  • LosGatosCA

    Taking away the right and vicarious thrill from the fans that comes from signaling the real/virtual ‘thumbs down’ on losing, weak, gladiators is a menace to Social Darwinism.

    With every acknowledgement that people should be treated with dignity and respect, accorded reasonable safety precautions for their health, and scientific truths are revealed and used in public policy each conservative man’s maleness shrinks about 1/2″.

    • Shakezula

      I now have this mental image of some under-endowed neoCon telling a disappointed date that his schlong would be huge were it not for all of the dick shriveling social welfare programs.

      Later, he sits down and writes a piece for American Thinker in which he claims that African-American men are receiving an unfair physical advantage from food stamps.

      Thank you, I needed a guffaw.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Oregon is just THUMPING Tennessee. It’s just before the half and they’ve reached the end zone on every single possession.

    Have two opponents ever had uglier uniform colors?

    • Sam240


      San Diego Padres vs. Houston Astros, 1975. One team in mustard yellow and dark brown, and the other in a white uniform with a bunch of red, orange, and yellow stripes across the middle.

      There’s a simple way to explain the fashions of the 1970s. The designers were all high.

    • Scott Lemieux

      Fortunately, UT still has a uniformly first-rate law faculty.

  • Bitter Scribe

    Michigan needed two goal-line stands to squeak past Akron—AKRON!!—by four points.

    • Linnaeus

      Yeah, that was pretty awful. Had U-M lost that one, it would have been worse than the 2007 loss to Appalachian State (a team that was better then than Akron is now) and the 2008 loss to Toledo. My Wolverines have some work to do, still.

  • Also let’s not forget a large number of football players are African-American so they lack brains to injure so there’s nothing to see here. *awaits Derbyshire plagiarism lawsuit cash*

  • Rhino

    Dreadfully sorry, but my favourite teams are the Washington Huskies and whoever is playing the Ducks.

    Tennessee might well be a vile place, but the ancient evil of Oregon football must be thwarted at any cost.

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