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What We Owe Our Readers…

[ 76 ] January 23, 2013 |

Lawyers, Guns and Money continues to struggle for mainstream respectability. Here is our six seven-part plan for entering the “MSM:”

  1. Sell posting space to the Church of Scientology or religious organization of similar legitimacy.
  2. Hire Charles Krauthammer to write a weekly column.
  3. Commission an article arguing that Sandy Hook Truthers make 9/11 Truthers and JFK Truthers look bad, then take the article down when people complain.
  4. Hire Tom Friedman to write a weekly column.
  5. Develop a series of multimedia presentations on the subject of the First Lady’s Inaugural wardrobe.
  6. Hire Condoleeza Rice as a contributor for our new Sunday morning show, “Suffer Through Your Hangover with the LGM Crew.”
  7. 7. Launch viciously unfair attacks on another academic blogger until he is compelled to remove his insights from the public domain.

I have no doubt that careful adherence to this plan will win us great respect and an even greater fortune. More details about this surefire means of achieving relevance and celebrity can be yours for only $19.99!


Comments (76)

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  1. I look forward to seeing your table at the Aspen Ideas Festival.

  2. Incontinentia Buttocks says:

    Hmmm…I can’t open that article on good truthers and bad truthers. “Too Many Redirects,” says each of my browsers.

    But I think we all know that THEY DON’T WANT US TO READ IT!!!!!!


  3. Ron E. says:

    No respectability for you until you also add a Sunday morning talk show with weekly exclusive interviews with John McCain.

  4. Cody says:

    For #5, this is clearly in SEK’s field.

    After his review of that picture of Bill Clinton went over so well, I’m sure a visual rhetoric breakdown of every picture the first lady is in would greatly boost site traffic.

  5. This is all so silly. What you *really* need is some incredibly talented artist to redesign your banner.


  6. olexicon says:


    Get a pair of neato glasses like Wolf Blitzer

  7. Malaclypse says:

    It used to be about mocking Mickey Kaus, back before YOU ALL SOLD OUT.

  8. Karate Bearfighter says:

    You say you’re going mainstream, and yet right under this post there’s a post claiming that the racism of Southern Democrats doesn’t completely invalidate the modern welfare state. Where’s the balance?

  9. sharculese says:

    “Suffer Through Your Hangover with the LGM Crew.”

    I would contribute to a kickstarter campaign to make this happen.

  10. jon says:

    All Benghazi all the time.

    And what about the State Dept. sending that clown all around India, also? We demand answers!

  11. olexicon says:

    LGM Presents

    ” A look inside the life of the Flying Spaghetti Monster”

  12. Tnap01 says:

    A site cannot be considered respectable until it’s had Mickey Kaus on it’s payroll for a couple of minutes so you better get searching…

  13. I say hire Krauthammer first. Once you’ve established your credibility problem nothing else matters.

  14. c u n d gulag says:

    You also need Bill Kristol to author some pieces, in order to display, once again, his sagacity on foreign affairs.
    But this time, to the benefit of LG&M readers, who lack that kind of keen insight from a well-respected and knowledgeable expert.

    And Sarah Palin to appear on the Sunday show, to give Rich Lowry some stars in his eyes, and to discuss domestic issues – especially her vast and expert knowledge of the print news business.

  15. herr doktor bimler says:

    the Church of Scientology or religious organization of similar legitimacy.

    Aren’t they all of similar legitimacy?

  16. max says:

    7. Launch viciously unfair attacks on another academic blogger until he is compelled to remove his insights from the public domain.


    [‘It’s not academia (or politics) without vicious bickering, is it?’]

  17. If I may be so bold:

    8. Appoint an “ombudsman” whose role is mainly to congratulate LGM on continuing to present the Beltway consensus as if it were new and exciting.

  18. Americanadian says:

    I believe that Jeffery Loria would like to buy some space to announce that 2012 has been a banner year for Marlintology, with less talent fewer thetans in the Miami area than ever before!

  19. Njorl says:

    I think you should publish something by Farheed Zakaria, or at least something with his name on it.

  20. jon says:

    So, you’re just too lazy to urn over the rock that Dick Morris resides beneath?

  21. Erik Loomis says:

    I feel like I should have role in this agenda, but I can’t quite pin it down. Thoughts?

  22. Bexley says:

    I suggest hiring JenBob’s multiple personalities. That way you can get several weekly rightwing columns under different names for the price of only one unhinged nutjob.

    • Rarely Posts says:

      He also would cover the requirement that you hire at least one person who hates rationalizes discrimination against gay people. Otherwise, you’re not taking our moral traditions seriously.

  23. Timurid says:

    You’re watching The Very Serious People Channel.

  24. Kathleen says:

    Leverage the synergies of your LGM brand by offering webinars on Effective Brow Furrowing For Fun and Profit.

  25. jkay says:

    Except you’re totally missing the right Friedman angle – it’s gotta be its own reality show. “Hunting the Moustache.” You know we’ll accept nothing less.

    And we need the Israeli Lieberman, too, or maybe every Lieberman in the world – your choice…

    But, despite all you’re being wrong, I’m willing to generously subscribe to your newsletter for a mere 19999 quatloos, anyway.

  26. Aidian says:

    What, no mention of David Gergen?

  27. somethingblue says:

    Yeah, yeah, very cute. But have you cleared all this with the Blogger Ethics Panel?

  28. Roger Ailes says:

    Are you certain you want to Sully your good reputation?

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