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When Obama Gets the 3 AM Phone Call, What’s Really Important is His Morning Wood

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Sarah Palin speculates on the size of the presidential penis.

It’s about time our president stood up for America and condemned these Islamic extremists. I realize there must be a lot on his mind these days – what with our economy’s abysmal jobless numbers and Moody’s new warning about yet another downgrade to our nation’s credit rating due to the current administration’s failure to come up with a credible deficit reduction plan. And, of course, he has a busy schedule – with all those rounds of golf, softball interviews with the “Pimp with the Limp,” and fundraising dinners with his corporate cronies. But our nation’s security should be of utmost importance to our Commander-in-chief. America can’t afford any more “leading from behind” in such a dangerous world. We already know that President Obama likes to “speak softly” to our enemies. If he doesn’t have a “big stick” to carry, maybe it’s time for him to grow one.

Also, I’m sorry to remind everyone of Palin’s existence.

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  • Some people like it when you lead from behind.

    • Halloween Jack

      Phwoar!

  • rea

    Sarah Palin is right, America can’t afford any more “leading from behind” in such a dangerous world. That is why I applaud her impending trip to Libya . . .

  • Sarah Palin has no idea what Obama should do.

    She just knows that she wants him to be an asshole about it.

    • Sev

      I think she’s just fuck with his head help him better think with his dick.

  • mark f

    Try Some Cock: It’s The New Balls!

  • jon

    This might be an instructive time to review Obama’s schedule with that of GWB, and W’s unprecedented number of vacation and travel days, and rounds of golf. But it’s also fair to note that performance in the job is not directly linked to hours in the saddle. Palin might want to reflect that Obama is at least managing to finish out his first term.

    • Joshua

      Who is this “GWB” you speak of? I certainly haven’t heard any Republicans talking about a “GWB” in a few years.

      • bobbyp

        GWB=gypsum wall board

        • Sev

          Can you imagine that puss staring at you from your 4 walls? Thank god for Killz.

      • merl

        yeah, who is gwb?

  • timb

    Meanwhile, on the other right wing front, Jeff Goldstein says we should just nuke….something.

    Can you imagine the revenge of the superpower being the wholesale, indiscriminate murder of millions as payment for the deaths of four?

    Conservatives would have made excellent Romans

    • rea

      Conservatives would have made excellent Romans
      No, the Romans usually weren’t damn fools.

      • timb

        But, they did like to slaughter innocents. Still, they were also competent and, well, it’s there the analogy falls apart.

        How about conservatives would have made good Mongols? Mongols were famous for avenging the murder of diplomats by the slaughter of the entire city

        • Malaclypse

          Conservatives would not have brought the aqueduct.

          • timb

            No, they are against public works projects AND clean water….

            • Malaclypse

              Look, what day did God create the so-called “spirochetes”? Answer that, libtard!

        • rea

          And the Mongols practiced religious tolerance–they’d never get along with today’s Republicans.

          • merl

            Yes, sad to say that repubs are worse than Mongols.

          • SamR

            And were actual tough guys, as opposed to pretend tough guys who like to talk about nuking stuff while safely staying at their computer.

    • Davis X. Machina

      Meanwhile, on the other right wing front, Jeff Goldstein says we should just nuke….something.

      No tax cuts? Just nuking things?

      He must be a moderate.

      • Malaclypse

        He’s too cuts saving hostages to cut taxes.

        What the fuck is wrong with him that he has those sorts of fantasies? Between that and the nuking, what the fucking fuck is wrong with him?

        • Malaclypse

          Too busy, that is.

          I blame the error on my gob being so thoroughly smacked.

        • herr doktor bimler

          what the fucking fuck is wrong with him?

          “Long-Distance Diagnosis” is two doors down. This is “Random pedantry”.

        • timb

          I think he is a borderline personality and he DESPERATELY wants attention

          • timb

            I practice long distance diagnosis with a piddly law degree. Mean that none of the knowledge and training can get in the way

      • Sev

        I guess this is what Krugman means by a weaponized Keynesian.

    • Leeds man

      Conservatives would have made excellent Romans

      I thought Romans offered Roman citizenship before the slaughter.

      • Lurker

        Actually, they did that after the slaughter. Those that survived and were not taken as slaves, had a local self-government overseen by the Roman prefect, propretor or proconsul. The Romans allowed the local customs and worship to continue, barring only human sacrifice. (The human sacrifice was too powerful, so it was reserved to the Roman republican institutions for special crisis situations.)

        Then, in the local government, the local officials regularly received the Roman citizenship as a reward for the job well done. As the local offices had usually year-long terms, the citizenship was quite swiftly distributed to the most powerful local families who were thus tied to the Roman power.

        E.g. Saint Paul was from Tarsus, and was a Roman citizen by birth. Considering that his father had the money to send him to study religion in Jerusalem at an early age, he was most likely from a powerful Tarsan Jewish family that had got the citizenship this way.

    • Sly

      In fairness to Goldstein, he’s probably only saying that because he has a small cock.

  • Jim Lynch

    The White House should feign disappointment in Palin, and criticize her remarks as being vulgar.

  • amok92

    I’m not sure with the Glenn Rice thing but are Sarah Von Shtupp reference appropriate?

    • Madeline Kahn is rolling over in her grave.

    • c u n d gulag

      Sounds like Sarah wants to see what the President is packing.

      “”Is it true what they say about the way you people are gifted? Zzzzzzzip! Oh it’s Twue…. it’s twue…. it’s twue!”

      • charles pierce

        It’s Byron and Shelley then CHUMP on your belly and bust your balloon….

      • Obama: ‘Scuse me while I whip this out….

      • Left_Wing_Fox

        I hate to disappoint you, but you’re holding my arm.

  • wengler

    Somebody’s been fantasizing about Presidential sticks lately…

  • proud liberal circlejerker

    Sounds like someone wants to relive 2008

    • Malaclypse

      2008 was a damn fine year for maple syrup. You could pour it out on stacks and stacks of pancakes, waiting to be devoured. And god damn, the blueberries that year were some tasty berries.

      • catclub

        Buttermilk pancakes?

        Slowly I turned, step by step, inch by inch….

        • …millimeter by fucking millimeter…

        • Scott Lemieux

          I’m sick of all the trolls on this site maligning buttermilk.

    • Waiter – more pancakes!

    • wengler

      Was 2008 the last year that flapjacks and pancakes were different things?

      • Hogan

        No, but it was the year we abolished johnnycakes, flannelcakes and griddlecakes. The Pancake Simplification Act, I think it was called.

        • Malaclypse

          No, no, 2008 was the year that we poured out enough maple syrup to leave Kansas waist-deep in the stuff.

    • MAJeff

      That is when I started making pancakes with orange oil and dried cherries.

    • SamR

      It was the first time I had the delicious blueberry pancakes of BLD.

  • Sandy

    Half-wit, half-gov.’s memory is as limited as her vocabulary.

    Just STFU and go back to grifting.

  • I think this first sentence of Palin-sponsored nonsense should probably be in the post:

    Apparently President Obama can’t see Egypt and Libya from his house.

    • It’s nice of her to remind us that she is an idiot and pull off the rare “self player hate”

    • Malaclypse

      Apparently President Obama can’t see Egypt and Libya from his house.

      I can’t decide if whoever writes her facebook posts hates her with the heat of a thousand suns, or if they are simply very, very stupid.

      • Dollars to donuts it’s the former not the latter

        • Malaclypse

          I hope so.

    • David Hunt

      My thought on reading that: “Actually he’s got access to a bunch of satellite feeds so he can see them from his house.”

      I can actually understand her being bitter about that whole “Russia from my house” thing. As I heard it, Tina Fey actually said it in an SNL routine while playing Palin. Fey was riffing on a Palin statement that was longer, factually accurate, but still almost as moronically stupid as the words that Fey spouted to make fun of her. Still, I’m sure Palin constantly reminds people that she never said that.

      Incidentally, my favorite “Palinism” that Fey invented is, “I don’t think Global Warming is caused by man but is, instead, a natural consequence of the End of Days.”

      • mark f

        As Putin rears his head and comes into the airspace of the United States of America, where do they go? It’s Alaska. It’s just right over the border. It is from Alaska that we send those out to make sure that an eye is being kept on this very powerful nation, Russia, because they are right there, they are right next to our state.

        • Colin Day

          If one flew the shortest route (polar) from Moscow to Washington, you would not go anywhere near Alaska. Does this mean that Ms. Palin doesn’t understand the geometry of the sphere?

          Even if you didn’t take a polar route, you would still go west from Moscow to DC, again, away from Alaska.

        • Hogan

          I wonder if Eastwood’s performance at the RNC was really an homage to Palin, and no one got it.

      • Still, I’m sure Palin constantly reminds people that she never said that.

        By constantly echoing it? How does that work, exactly?

        Conservatives seem confused.

      • SamR

        I remember that Fake Palinism well enough to recall that you got it wrong:

        “Gwen, we don’t know if this climate-change-whosie-whatsit is man-made, or if it’s just a natural part of the End of Days.”

        http://www.imdb.com/character/ch0108009/quotes

        In an earlier skit, Fey went with “I believe that it’s just God huggin’ us closer.”

        My favorite:

        I believe marriage is meant to be a sacred institution between two unwilling teenagers.

        A little dated now, but at the time, holy crap was that funny.

  • Ramon A. Clef

    I think I know what the sequel to “Who’s Nailin’ Palin” is going to be.

  • Peter Hovde
  • Visitor

    Could someone tell me who the person with the limp is?

    I guess Palin *is* something of an expert on softball interviews.
    (cough-Couric!-cough)

    • Hogan

      “The pimp with the limp” is the nickname of a Miami DJ. Obama taped a ten-minute interview with him over the weekend. It was supposed to air on Monday, but the station held it until yesterday. Some wingers seem to be under the impression that the interview was live, and that Obama was dissing nine eleven.

      • Visitor

        Grazie!

  • meese

    Boy, I sure wish she had access to The Launch Codes…

  • Halloween Jack

    In her inevitable yet long-overdue fall from public interest, Palin is descending into a morass of unrealized contradictions; after complaining bitterly about being shut out of the GOP convention (by both the RNC and her own network), she expresses wonderment that John Kerry knows who she is and whines about his attacking “little people” like her. Well, she’ll always have Wonkette, apparently.

    • I think he diminished himself by even mentioning my name.

      Well, I feel diminished just by having read it on a ballot.

    • Hogan

      She complains when she’s misquoted, and she complains when she’s quoted correctly. There’s just no pleasing some people.

      • BigHank53

        The only thing worse than negative attention is no attention at all.

      • herr doktor bimler

        There’s always the “Not quoting her at all” approach. No-one’s tried that yet; it might work.

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