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CNN’s Finest Hour

[ 41 ] June 28, 2012 |

CNN, why do you still exist? Your ratings are garbage and rotting daily. You don’t represent any constituency except for Beltway elites. You cover up for shoddy reporting and hackish analysis by investing in new technology that are meant to help us forget how bad you are. You whine about partisanship on FOX and MSNBC without actually producing quality coverage.

And then, after all that whining about the decline of cable news, you wrongly announce that the Supreme Court ruled to overturn Obamacare?

It’s gotten so bad that AP had to order its employees to stop making fun of you.

Christ, you’d all do better if you just handed Nancy Grace the keys to the building, let her talk about missing white women 24 hours a day.

But I’m sure that making your election night coverage 3-D will make us all forget this and start watching you again.

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Comments (41)

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  1. Randy Paul says:

    CNN International is actually pretty good.

    • Erik Loomis says:

      I’ve generally found it to be good as well. Quite different than domestic CNN. Probably because CNN International by and large actually covers the news and doesn’t worry so much about being properly centrist or whatnot.

      • Charlie Sweatpants says:

        CNN International is a news channel. Regular CNN is a gossip channel with a sideline in reporting the news.

        (Fantastic photoshop, by the way.)

      • Colin says:

        This. I knew CNN International was good 5 minutes in, when they actually provided some in-depth and informative reports on developing news in Africa at the time (politics in South Africa and developments in the Sudan and Darfur, if I recall – this would have been back in 2006). Fortunately, they still maintain that type of coverage.

      • Pseudonym says:

        I misread that as “property centrist” or “property centric” but that works too.

  2. Urban Garlic says:

    Thanks so much for posting this — I was _sure_ I’d loaded up a CNN page that said that this morning, but then a few minutes later, I could only find “upheld” stories.

    I may still be going crazy, but at least this time, I really did see it…

  3. You don’t understand, Erik. That CNN sent someone without even enough knowledge of the process they were covering to understand the distinction in the opinion between the commerce and taxation clauses is actually what makes CNN so awesome. Because everyone else enlisted people with at least a modicum of legal/SCOTUS knowledge, and that knowledge undoubtedly imbued them with evil, evil, opinions that undercut the essence of professional journamalism! Won’t anyone think of the journalists???!?!?!?!

  4. Reasonable 4ce says:

    What does Jeff This-Is-a-Trainwreck-for-the-Obama-Administration Toobin have to say about this?

  5. joe from Lowell says:

    Easy there, big fella. Let’s not forget, CNN is the network that gave Campbell Brown her big break.

  6. Lee says:

    Erik, the pic is really awesome.

  7. Jay C says:

    In 1948, at least, the Chicago Tribune had a vaguely applicable excuse for their misleading headline (election results were a slower to be tabulated than nowadays, and the Trib had had two sets of headlines composed and ready to be printed: the editor waited until the last possible moment to start the presses, then went with the lede he thought the paper’s GOP wingnut publisher would appreciate. IIRC, at the cost of his job)

    But in today’s Instant-Everything world, what’s CNN’s excuse?

    • rea says:

      It never occured to the editor to run a headline saying, “Too close to call at presstime”

    • NonyNony says:

      Hey in this day and age everything is compressed. You can’t possibly expect a journalist to read 4 pages before coming up with a story, can you? I mean that extra minute might have cost them the scoop! And then they would have lost … bragging rights? Perhaps the other news agencies would have taunted CNN for being slow?

      Unlike the “Dewey Defeats Truman” scenario there is pretty much no excuse for not holding back on a story until you know it’s accurate in this day and age. We have 24×7 TV news coverage! We have web pages that can be updated instantly! We don’t need to make sure our story is ready to go by 1am so that the papers can get printed for delivery by 4am, and we don’t need to have stories ready to go by the 6pm news.

      CNN is working on an outdated model. So is most of the rest of the industry, they’re just better at it than CNN is.

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  9. fasteddie9318 says:

    You don’t represent any constituency except for Beltway elites.

    This is blatantly untrue and I object to this complete smear on CNN. The fact of the matter is that they’ve worked very hard to expand their reach to Wall Street elites as well, also too.

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