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There Goes My Dreame

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I like Donalde Douglas. He teaches at a fine community college, and published an important article eight years ago in the prestigious journal PS: Political Science and Politics entitled “Tenure-Track Employment Opportunities at the Community College Level: A View from the Job Candidate’s Perspective”.

He also blogs, and comments avidly on other people’s blogs, even those with which he doesn’t agree – something few bloggers do. I think I first saw his comments on some of my posts at Duck of Minerva, and our earliest email exchange consisted of his requests that I read his posts and engage him in “blog wars” – a flattering and humbling invitation given that his skill, renown and interest in that activity far exceeds mine.

He’s also a genuinely nice guy. For example, he once called me a “nice women” on his blog, and he publicly refers to me as his “good friend,” even though we’ve never met.

But Donalde’s finest quality by far is his unflagging patience with young, wet-behind-the-ears academic bloggers like myself, his concern for our professional welfare, and his generosity with advice and mentorship. He rarely agrees with me politically, and he doesn’t much care for my drinking buddies friends. Yet despite all I’ve done to earn his dislike, he has refused to give up on me, unfailingly encouraging me to become a better political scientist, blogger and neoconservative.

For example, some time back when I joined the roster at LGM he expressed fatherly concern for my “reputation” and has continued to patiently remind me that I’m running with a crowd dangerously threatening to my respectability as the neoconservative femme fatale I could surely be if only I would accept his guidance. In fact, when “speaking to me” recently (I think he must be referring to a brief email exchange prompted by my accidental erasure of one of his comments on my Wikileaks posts) he even extended a gracious offer to assist in my conversion to neo-conservatism. Such acts surely indicate his honest concern for my well-being (if not his comprehension of my actual foreign policy perspective). I can only assume he has seen some potential in me that I had not dared to recognize in myself, and could only dream of living up to.

As you can imagine, my heart jumps a little whenever someone of Donalde’s stature offers me a scrap of intellectual kudos along with his usual helping of taunts constructive criticism. So I was truly crushed to learn when reading this that he thinks I lack the potential to become the “feminist ‘Charli’ Krauthammer” I’ve always aspired to be. Indeed, I expect few readers realize that this has actually been my most cherished goal since leaving graduate school, second only to securing American Power’s approval of my professional choices.

I’ve clearly failed in both, and I only hope, for America’s sake, that sometime Donalde can find a prominent (high-traffic) blogger that’s a better fit for his vision, and whose name is not so tricky to spell.

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  • SEK

    (slow golf clap)

  • “the “feminist ‘Charli’ Krauthammer” I’ve always aspired to be”

    One doesn’t become an amoral bloodthirsty ghoul; one either is or isn’t.

  • SEK

    [Removed because I doubt he’s going to get the joke, and his indignation will be infinitely more entertaining than my comment was.]

    • JJ

      Hate blogger? I thought you were a nice guy who offers up constructive criticism every now and the to our friends on the right?

      • JJ

        I left out the “n” on my “then”, I’m on an iPad and these kind of mistakes are excusable, please don’t write a hate blog about my sentence.

        • SEK

          Have no fear, JJ. I’m no “hate blogger.” The Donalde just can’t tell the difference between “bemused, dismissive mockery” and “hate.” Being the clown that he is, it’s no wonder he thinks everybody hates him.

          • JJ

            Oh don’t worry, I enjoy your posts. :)

  • Spokane Moderate

    Well played.

  • Golly. I didn’t realize I was reading hate-bloggers when I visited these pages. I guess one person’s hate is another person’s truth, huh?

  • I’m so disappointed to find out that I’m merely a fraud, and that don’t rise to the level of hate-monger.

    • Jamie

      Goals are important. Hell, it took Kristol years to earn his first war.

    • Zack

      It turns out that you’re a moral abomination, which may be a level or two above hate-monger. It’s hard to tell.

    • Scott Lemieux

      In fairness, he did catch you red-handed voluntarily ordering a pizza with pineapple on it, so the charge of moral abomination is not entirely without foundation…

      • Whatever. You weren’t even important enough for Donalde to mention.

        • Scott Lemieux

          True; I didn’t even merit the pathetic third-grade insults this time.

          • davenoon

            Yeah, he was really off his game here. He didn’t refer to you as a “social scientist” (with scare quotes) or to SEK as a “skankwad.” Pathetic.

  • Americaneoanarchosyndicalist

    So the Donald continues his downhill slide from merely idiotic hack to creepy stalker hack. Charming.

    • SEK

      And he’s an equally opportunity LGM stalker, as he stalked me right through to my department chair.

  • DrDick

    Bravo! Bravo!

    We can now add patronizing sexist pig to Donalde’s already repulsive impressive resume.

    • SEK

      What do you mean “add“?

  • Hogan

    So I wonder if you could have ended up as the IR equivalent of the Jessica Simpson picture on the sidebar, or or of the Wonder Woman picture on the sidebar. The world may never know.

  • Malaclypse

    Dave and SEK are basically hate-bloggers, and while Robert Farley generally eschews that kind of demonology, he’s an unserious academic who’s not only dishonest but revels in it.

    Say what you will about the tenets of demonology, Donald, but at least it’s an ethos.

    • ajay

      Probably a good thing. You wouldn’t want an unserious demonologist. Demonologists need to keep what remains of their minds on the job at all times.

      • Malaclypse

        Our esteemed hosts know never to summon what they cannot dispel.

        Actually, since Donald keeps showing up, maybe they are not very good demonologists after all.

        • SEK

          Or ones with a sense of humor. Personally, Donalde’s basically Gachnar, and I summon him for giggles.

          • Larkspur

            Ooh, that makes my little foot feel all stompy!

  • Amanda in the South Bay

    This is so inside baseball I don’t know where the snark ends and the seriousness begins, but I hope you weren’t knocking community colleges in general with you statement about LBCC.

    Sincerely
    A poor community college student

    • If you read Donalde’s post, it’s more or less a take-off on that. Don’t think anyone’s knocking cc’s.

      • Absolutely not. In fact, I’m proud to say I began my academic career at San Juan Community College.

  • Everett Volk

    Bravo!

  • SeanH

    I realise that gathering more evidence in service of a conviction for – as DrDick put it – “patronizing sexist pig” is redundant at this point, but I was fascinated by Charli’s link to where he calls her a “nice woman”. In that short post, the words “nice woman” link to this UMassAmherst page, “Professor Charli Carpenter Publishes Commentary on EU Report on the Georgia/Russia War at Radio Free Europe”. There is very little information on this page, and absolutely none of it could lead you to believe, without any other evidence, that Charli Carpenter is “nice”.

    There is, of course, a photo of her.

    • DrDick

      Donalde lusts in his heart (sic) for her.

  • Halloween Jack

    I got troubles, troubles on my mind, but this made me laugh loud and hearty. Thank you.

  • SEK

    Before this slides off the front page, I feel obliged to note for posterity that the fact that Donalde has yet to respond to this suggests that Charli truly and deeply hurt his feelings, and that said fact makes me happy inside … which would make me a terrible person were we talking about anyone other than the Donalde.

    • Malaclypse

      I’m mean enough to mock anyone who puts, on his Faculty Interests page, that he likes “walks on the beach.”

      I picture Donalde, walking along the beach, staring into a sunset, with a single tear on his cheek, blaming nihilists for all of this.

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