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What Doesn’t Kill Me Makes Me Dumber

[ 12 ] November 28, 2007 |

So I’d just like to state for the record that — unlike John Ashcroft, Glenn Reynolds and god knows how many other jackass wingnuts — I have absolutely no interest in being forcefully drowned by my own government.

But since these fine gentlemen seem to think the practice ranks somewhere between riding a golf cart into a brick wall and having one’s testicles zapped with a home defibrillator, I don’t see any reason why they should stop with mere boasting.

Man up, guys. Really.

Comments (12)

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  1. aimai says:

    Don’t these guys realize that in arguing that any old fat white guy can endure these tortures without flinching they are, rather, undermining the logic of using them in the first place? if they are truly “no big deal” and “just frat boy stuff” then they can’t be expected to have any effect at all at your hardened jihadist.
    aimai

  2. paperwight says:

    I think that Ashcroft just volunteered to be kidnapped, taken to a foreign country and tortured for an indefinite period of time. I wonder how long it would take someone to get him to admit almost anything using isolation, sleep-dep, and waterboarding, when he didn’t know who had him and when or if it would ever end.
    Amoral shitheels.

  3. coozledad says:

    What these fucks neglect to mention isn’t the torture that actually takes place, but the further torture that is suggested while the water cascades over your face. And you know they’ll go for your husband or wife, grandfather or grandmother, and kids. I’m sorry. I hate these people, and I don’t think they should enjoy the freedom of the air.

  4. Matt Weiner says:

    What paperwight said — the real test is if they’re willing to be waterboarded until… I don’t know, maybe in Reynolds’s case he has to admit he’s a Republican?

  5. Quoth Reynolds:
    So is this an issue now because it matters, or because it’s a partisan political tool?
    What an asshole.

  6. DrDick says:

    Can I administer the procedure? I’ll pay for the privilege.

  7. Glen Tomkins says:

    What this would really entail
    Obviously, having someone pour some water over a rag covering your mouth only until you decide you’ve had enough and told them to stop, really wouldn’t be submitting to what water-boarding is when it is used to break people. Ashcroft and Reynolds should be waterboarded until they break, until they admit the most damaging secrets about themselves, or, more to the point, embarassing and criminal things that they sign confessions to having done, that they really didn’t do, but are willing to sign the confessions in order to make the torture stop. To make this really comparable to what we have done, the confessions would have to be for real in terms of their consequences. Ashcroft and Reynolds would have to know that these tortured confessions would be used to convict them in front of military tribunals in which they would not have the right to challenge the evidence used to convict them and send them to some secret prison for life. Only if they were waterboarded under these conditions, would their experience even approximate that of this administration’s torture victims.

  8. monkey.dave says:

    Shorter Instapundit I: We never tortured anybody, and anyway it was just three people, and anyway an anonymous government spokesman has stated that they don’t do it anymore wink, wink, nudge, nudge.
    Shorter Instapundit II: I am opposed to torture, but not as much as I am opposed to Democrats who oppose torture.

  9. monkey.dave says:

    I don’t know, maybe in Reynolds’s case he has to admit he’s a Republican?
    No, the point of torture s to make the person admit to something that isn’t true.

  10. bob says:

    Perhaps the whole administration should be not tortured. Not torture might be fitting the crime of not torturing, know what I don’t mean?

  11. Hogan says:

    What could Ashcroft confess to that’s worse than what he’s already known to have done?

  12. BruceJ says:

    All this “I could take being waterboarded” crap is meaningless unless they’re willing to stipulate to:
    Being kidnapped off the street by masked thugs.
    Bound, hooded and drugged, shackled to the floor of a C130 and flown, somewhere, for 14-24 hours.
    Dumped, still hooded into a dank cell smelling of old fear, vomit and urine, then prevented from sleeping for a week or so, interspersed with interrogations and gentle waterboardings.
    Oh, yeah…all the while people are screaming at you in a language you don’t understand, and hitting you when you don’t comply, and you don’t think ANYONE on your side knows where you are or if you’re even alive.
    If these sorry bastards think they can handle that shit, then they get to proclaim their manhood regarding waterboarding.

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