What Crypto is For

Crypto exists for men to be the biggest pieces of shit imaginable, challenging each other to reach ever higher levels of scumbaggery:

Cryptocurrency meme coin creators say they are responsible for the sex toys being thrown at multiple WNBA games, and they are planning more “pranks.”

From Atlanta to Los Angeles, no arena has been safe from neon green objects whizzing from the stands, through the air and onto WNBA courts. If there is an opportune window, a brightly colored entity will be thrown, causing intentional and symbolic chaos, according to a spokesman for the cryptocurrency group. The person, who uses the name @Daldo_Raine on social media, spoke to USA TODAY Sports on condition of anonymity due to the sensitive nature of the issue.

Over the past two weeks, there have been six known incidents of green sex toys being thrown at WNBA games. The latest to garner attention happened Tuesday night during a game between the Indiana Fever and the Los Angeles Sparks at Crypto.com Arena in L.A. Green sex toys were also thrown in the stands at New York Liberty and Phoenix Mercury games Tuesday, at two Atlanta Dream games last week and a Chicago Sky game Friday. Two people have been arrested on multiple charges for allegedly throwing the objects.

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The spokesman for the crypto group told USA TODAY Sports that was not the intention. He said a group of crypto enthusiasts and traders launched Green Dildo Coin (DILDO), a meme coin intended to be lighthearted and perceived as a joke, in late July to protest what they describe as a “toxic” environment in the crypto world. According to the group, many smaller players in the space are struggling to keep up with the influx of influencers and scammers.

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“We didn’t do this because like we dislike women’s sports or, like, some of the narratives that are trending right now are ridiculous,” he said. “Creating disruption at games is like, it happens in every single sport, right? We’ve seen it in the NFL, we’ve seen it in hockey, you know . . . fans doing random things to more or less create attention.

“We knew that in order to get a voice in the space … we had to go out and do some viral stunts to save us from having to pay that influencer cabal, sacrifice our souls and the fate of the project.”

It’s certainly attracting the attention of one kind of man:

On Thursday, Donald Trump Jr. shared a meme that pictured his father, President Donald J. Trump, throwing a sex toy off the roof of the White House onto a court of women’s basketball players. “Posted without further comment,” the younger Trump said, adding three crying laughing emojis.

Now, let me tell you how LoomCoin fits into this. See, for LoomCoin to get attention, what you do is find the people who throw these dildos on the court. You then hold them down while WNBA players beat the ever living shit out of them with the dildo, until either they have a broken nose or their face is bloodied. Then you put pictures of their bloody faces on social media and warn all of these stupid bros that the next one who does this is going to be beaten in the dick with the dildo. Also, buy LoomCoin.

And lest you think I am joking about this, I am not. Except for the LoomCoin part. It would be a very effective response.