Onion announces immediate closure because of impossible working conditions

President Donald Trump on Sunday night announced his plans to open the doors of Alcatraz, the island prison in San Francisco Bay, to inmates for the first time in more than a half century.
Minutes later, in a second California-themed post on Truth Social, he also announced 100 percent tariffs on movies made abroad.
Taken together, the two Sunday night policy announcements underscore Trump’s desire to use his executive authority to enact sweeping changes not just in Washington but across the country. Reopening a notorious island prison and implementing massive tariffs in an effort to save the American film industry also nod to the president’s flair for the dramatic.
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