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The death of satire


Incident Report

Lancaster, PA


Approximately 8:50 AM

An anonymous call was received, indicating that a literary technique had been dragged into an alley between The Sub-3:00 Marathoner and K-2 Blindfolded and Backward athletic stores, and fatally beaten with a series of blunt rhetorical instruments.

Paul Ryan‏Verified account
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More Paul Ryan Retweeted AP Business News
A secretary at a public high school in Lancaster, PA, said she was pleasantly surprised her pay went up $1.50 a week … she said [that] will more than cover her Costco membership for the year.

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Charles, a Koch brother in Wichita, said he was pleasantly surprised that his pay went up $26,923,076 a week… he said [that] will more than cover the cost of buying several more Paul Ryans.

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