The death of satire
By 
Incident Report
Lancaster, PA
2/03/2018
Approximately 8:50 AM
An anonymous call was received, indicating that a literary technique had been dragged into an alley between The Sub-3:00 Marathoner and K-2 Blindfolded and Backward athletic stores, and fatally beaten with a series of blunt rhetorical instruments.
Paul RyanVerified account
@PRyan
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A secretary at a public high school in Lancaster, PA, said she was pleasantly surprised her pay went up $1.50 a week … she said [that] will more than cover her Costco membership for the year.
@LOLGOP
52m52 minutes ago
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Charles, a Koch brother in Wichita, said he was pleasantly surprised that his pay went up $26,923,076 a week… he said [that] will more than cover the cost of buying several more Paul Ryans.