Tyler Perry Presents “Earnest Reviews of Terrible Movies by bspencer: Marmaduke”
By 
Some of you who follow me on twitter know I have a a hate/hate relationship with the “film,” Marmaduke. My son has watched it many times as a four and five-year-old, thus I have too, if only via osmosis.
Anyway, Marmaduke fascinates me. Whenever I watch it, so many questions arise:
- How did this project get greenlit?
- Who’s idea was it to make a movie about an unfunny one-panel cartoon no one’s cared about in 30 years?
- Is a Family Circus film inevitable? Will its debut finally give me the excuse I need to rocket myself into outer space and just float around the silent vast blackness, forgetting that Marmaduke exists?
But the most pressing question of all is always: How the hell did this movie score the cast it did, chockablock with Hollywood A-listers and veterans? How the hell did it get the likes Owen Wilson, Emma Stone, Keifer Sutherland and Steve Coogan…TO VOICE DOGS? Why is William H. Macy in this? Did Judy Greer really need this paycheck? The mind boggles.
Marmaduke has a plot, though I couldn’t tell you exactly what it is, even given how many times I’ve endured this cinematic shitpile. Something about moving to California, a dog park with mean pedigree dogs, Marmaduke’s owner Phil losing touch with his family because he’s working too hard, Marmaduke running away, Marmaduke in a love triangle with Fergie (you read correctly), William H. Macy is a dog-humping asshole for some reason…it’s just a random assortment of plots from other films, stitched together like some Frankenstein monster of a movie from hell. And with each additional plot point, the movie somehow becomes dumber and more unfunny and more horrifying.
Anyway, I highly recommend it. If you view movie-watching as some sort of test of endurance or if you’ve pretty much just given up on life.
Had to watch Marmaduke again this morn stand by assessment that careers should've been ruined by the movie.
— bspencer (@vacuumslayer) September 7, 2016