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Our Butter-Scented Tyranny Is Over

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Ladies, bad news: our reign of terror is over. No longer will we able to use our vaginas to control men’s brains. Wait, what?

No, really.

Inside every single woman are hormones called copulins that are used to drug a man and control his mind.

That’s right, he knows about the coprolites! I mean the cooperligs…the coppertones…the corpuscles…fuck it, something completely made up that starts with a “c.”

The vagina produces a thick fluid known as copulin that has actual mind control effects on a male’s brain. If a man is exposed to a woman’s copulins, over time she will be able to number one: change, remove, or insert memories in a man’s mind.

The science is sound, obviously, but if I may interject some anecdotal evidence: I’ve been trying to turn men into biddable zombies with my copulates for years now and it hasn’t worked yet. I even tried to use my clopitunes to turn men into vampires. Nuttin’. This guy has some interesting ideas, I just think more research into clipulas is needed before we can conclude that we enslave men with our butter-scented vaginas. Wait, what?

Yes. BUTTER.

[S]imply by being around women they are releasing these hormones into the air. Apparently they smell like butter which is the smell I notice when I’m in any place where I notice girls walking around in their mid to late teenage years.

Here’s where I think the theory goes off the rails. Dude, that’s not butter you’re smelling, it’s Philosophy‘s most romantic fragrance, Fifty Dollar Thimble-Full of Popcorn.

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