Home / General / The Horrors of Parenting!

The Horrors of Parenting!

Comments
/
/
/
1211 Views

(Ben Shapiro stands atop a greased hill. He is surrounded by happy children.)

BEN: Follow me! I’m one of you!

THE CHILDREN: (Wander hither and thither without any clear plan like kids do.)

BEN: Do you not see? THIS HILL! IS GREASED!

THE CHILDREN: (Frolic and ignore THE YELLING MAN.)

BEN THE YELLING MAN: I WILL SAVE YOU!

THE CHILDREN: (Look at BEN THE YELLING MAN, then remember what Britney Baxter did last week and start screaming and kicking.)

BEN THE YELLING MAN: BUT I’M TRYING TO SAVE YOU FROM YOUR PARENTS!

THE CHILDREN: (Start running near the edge of the greased hill and, one by one, begin sliding down it.)

BEN THE YELLING MAN: NO!  (To his left.) YOU GOT THE GAY!  (To his right.) NOW YOU’RE A MAN!  (Falls to his knees and weeps.) AN IRANIAN? I COULD’VE SAVED YOU!

JESUS: (Descends from Heaven with lights and music and shit.) My child.

BEN THE YELLING MAN: (Too busy yelling.)

JESUS: Ben?

BEN THE YELLING MAN: (Too busy yelling.)

JESUS: BEN!

BEN THE YELLING MAN: (Shuts up. Turns around.) THIS IS YOUR FAULT HIPPIE!

(Pushes Jesus down the slippery slope and turns him into a gay. Transgenders him too. Because that’ll teach Him to love all His children.)

THE END

  • Facebook
  • Twitter
  • Google+
  • Linkedin
  • Pinterest
It is main inner container footer text