Everything Old Is Old Again

Finally, someone has a bold, fresh idea for how to beat the Republicans!

Joe Biden thinks it’s critical that Donald Trump not get a second term — and though it’s early, he doesn’t yet see anyone else who could stop that from happening.

So, he’s been telling people privately, that might mean he’ll just have to run himself.

Great, this exactly what the party needs: a gaffe-prone 77-year-old who is considerably closer to banks than Hillary Clinton and completely botched the Anita Hill hearings. (Again, the chances that a woman whose two primary runs resulted in zero delegates, although one was one by Michael Dukakis, would be taken seriously either as a vice presidential or presidential nominee are zero.) But, anyway, the problem takes care of itself, as he’s not going to win if he runs again. If I were him I’d stick with “beloved vice president” rather than suffering another humiliating loss, but it’s his choice.

Elsewhere, I see that the New York Post has seamlessly transitioned from “Hillary is running for mayor!” to the equally plausible “Hillary is running for president!” (They’re a little behind the curve; obviously, it’s Chelsea who’s running for president in 2020. I hope they will adjust accordingly.) However, the Post has uncovered a truly nefarious conspiracy to RIG the 2020 primaries by CLEARING THE FIELD:

Still, you can’t blame their distress because the stakes are huge. If it sticks, Brazile’s searing indictment of Hillary’s persona, ethics and political skills could prove fatal to her hopes for a 2020 comeback.
In fact, I believe that is the ultimate point of the book: to clear the Democratic decks for desperately needed new leadership and messages.

It wasn’t an easy call to make. I had to put on my copy of The Hissing of Summer Lawns and watch highlights of the 2014 NFC Championship game to prepare myself. But a new trove of hacked emails revealed Donna Brazile snarkily complaining about how cultish Clinton staffers weren’t having enough sex during the 2016 campaign. This was highly suggestive of a conspiracy to RIG the 2020 nominating process by CLEARING HILLARY FROM THE FIELD, but what if the email was fake? I needed solid proof. So, in early January 2018 I was browsing the remainder table at the local Barnes & Noble, and I saw the smoking gun: a book called Hacks. After paying $1.97 plus tax, I read the text, and by the time I called Huma I had all the proof I needed.

Let me be clear: I am not saying that Donna Brazile RIGGED the 2020 Democratic nomination process. I am merely saying that I saw suggestive evidence that Brazile RIGGED the process, I sought additional proof to confirm my suspicions, and found the proof I needed. Now, please stay with me for an extended, play-by-play analysis of the second quarter, which should muddy up the waters enough for me to tell a different story to each and every media outlet.