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True Facts

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De’Aaron Fox is making all kinds of the sense:

I heard you’re really into breakfast food. Have you found your favorite brunch spot in Sacramento yet?

Yeah, but I can’t tell you because then people are going to meet me there. All I gotta say, you can tell everybody that lives in the state of California this: In-N-Out is not good.

What’s your beef with In-N-Out Burger?

Their burgers are overrated. They’re OK.

Even Animal Style?

Yes. People always say, you haven’t tried this. You haven’t tried that. I’m like, “Yeah, I looked up the secret menu. I’ve tried it all. It’s just not good.”

As has been well known going back to Aristotle, “good fries do not need lots of processed cheese poured on them to be good.”

And since New York provincials now have their very own better-than-McDonald’s-burgers-considerably-worse-than-McDonald’s-fries chain to massively overrate, Petchesky’s addendum is also worth citing:

It’s a burger. I’m sure it’s fine. People out here rave about Shake Shack, and that’s also merely fine. Geographic fast-food exceptionalism is weak as hell and never stands up to scrutiny.

Obviously nothing can top “you can buy stale Kaiser rolls with pre-applied margarine!” in recent New York City food provincialism, but I loved this defense of the surpassing greatness of Shake Shack: “…as if the cooks secretly seasoned it with some illicit umami-enhancer.” For the uninitiated, “umami” means…that the ground beef was seasoned with salt and pepper prior to cooking. ONLY IN NEW YORK CITY.

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