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Comey Comedy Classics



With notably rare exceptions:

The FBI director said he cannot say more “about what we are doing and whose conduct we are investigating” because the investigation is ongoing and classified.

“We just can’t do our work well or fairly if we start talking about it while we’re doing it,” Comey said.

It’s like 10,000 spoons when all you need was someone who wasn’t a Republican hack in charge of the FBI.

As you’ve probably heard, in addition to taking his standup act on the road Comey also confirmed what he was expected to confirm:

FBI Director James B. Comey acknowledged on Monday the existence of a counterintelligence investigation into the Russian government’s efforts to interfere in the 2016 election, and said that probe extends to the nature of any links between Trump campaign associates and the Russian government.

Testifying before the House Intelligence Committee, Comey said the investigation is also exploring whether there was any coordination between the campaign and the Kremlin, and “whether any crimes were committed.”

Hmm, interesting. I’m so old I remember when the FBI was going out of its way to imply that Russia was not trying to influence the 2016 elections like it was last October.


FBI Director James B. Comey told Congress that the FBI launched its investigation into Russian meddling in the U.S. elections nearly nine months ago.

He said the FBI started investigating the matter in July and that its work was still in the early stages.

It’s ridiculous how badly the New York Times got played, and it’s outrageous that Comey let the false impression created by the story stand while he was going out of his way to smear Clinton based on nothing.

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  • humanoid.panda

    With Comey, hardly a bourgie identity-politics-obsessedHillary-lover having confirmed that yes, the FBI is investigating the Trump campaign, I wonder what is going to be next act in the troll comedy show..

    • Dr. Waffle

      1.) Accuse Democrats of being hypocrites (Glenn Greenwald’s on the case!)


      2.) Downplay the connections/investigation (Michael Tracey’s go-to talking point)


      3.) “Why won’t Democrats focus on the REAL ISSUES” (a favorite of the Jacobin crowd)

      • SoRefined

        4.) Congressional Republicans continue to take Donald’s Pretend Time Claims VERY SERIOUSLY. Devin Nunes, activate! “We know there was not a physical wiretap of Drumpf Tower,” Nunes said. “However, it’s still possible that other surveillance activities were used against President Drumpf and his associates.”

      • The Lorax

        I wanted to listen to Pod Save the World last week (GG was on), but I knew it’d just piss me off. Such a sophist.

        • nemdam

          Did you listen to it and/or do you know if there are any highlights in the conversation? I’m a regular listener of the podcast, but I had to skip this one as it would enrage me too much.

          • The Lorax

            I skipped it entirely for the same reason you did.

            • nemdam

              My guess is Tommy asked him some tough questions, but Glenn just weaseled his way out and pretended he didn’t do what he actually did or said, and Tommy out of undue respect didn’t follow up like he should. I’ve seen Glenn do this before.

  • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

    Wow, you can remember last October.

    You must be an historian or something.

    Real Americans can't remember anything past last week when they vote. Get with the program!

    • Dennis Orphen

      Actually, Real Americans can’t remember anything because you have to actually know something in order to remember it.

      (The above comment is not meant to be funny).

      • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

        I’d argue that Real Americans ™ can remember what Fox/talk radio/their pastor told them last week just fine.

        • muddy

          Beacuse they tell them the same bullshit week after week. It’s an earworm.

  • Abbey Bartlet

    I’m going to punch the first progressive I see cheering for Comey.

    • Q.E.Dumbass

      The line for punching Comey cheerleaders started forming last month.

      • MDrew

        That is a damn good article.

        • Q.E.Dumbass

          “Yo, Q.E., there go that motherfucker right there.”
          “No shit? Watch this…Hey, whassup, man?”
          “Not too much, man.”
          “You know you won, Drew.”
          “Won what?”
          “The wet T-shirt contest, motherfucker!”

          • MDrew

            Sets out the view contra-this-place extremely well, wherever one comes down on Comey.

            Didn’t say, “That article is absolutely correct!”

          • MDrew

            …What’s the reference, btw?

            • Q.E.Dumbass

              The FTFNYT (specifically, a pre-election table that framed it in terms of Sophie’s choices) and Adam Silverman’s comments regarding Comey are far better in that regard.

              Also: Shame on you.

      • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

        Lines form on my face and my hands.
        Lines form on the left and right.

    • (((max)))

      Well, don’t be aiming at me: I think Trump’s tweet about being ‘tapp’ed should have been true because the FBI should’ve fucking started surveilling him before the election.

      If a counter-intelligence section won’t investigate when a foreign power attempts to interfere in an election there’s not much fucking point in having a counter-intelligence section. Particularly one like the FBI that seems to spend all its time messing with the left regardless of how much of a threat they pose (if any).

      [‘Tired of these assholes.’]

      • Asteroid_Strike_Brexit

        I’m inclined to agree. Leaving aside any other issue – and there are many! – Trump has engaged in large property deals for unscrupulous FSU businessmen. It would suggest the possibility of money laundering. I take it for granted that Trump actually has been under investigation by the FBI. I also take it for granted that European intelligence agencies have investigated Trump using clandestine methods, under the invitation of Obama or not.

  • Lit3Bolt

    Shorter Comey: I was born a hack Republican hedge-fund lawyer shit-weasel, and a hack Republican hedge-fund lawyer shit-weasel I shall remain. If that means surrendering my country to Russia, so be it!! Mr. Putin is quite rich…I wonder if he needs a financial adviser or a security consultant…I hope he notices me on CNN…

  • Joe_JP

    Ferris Bueller turned into Ed Rooney?

  • It’s also outrageous that Dean Baquet and the rest of the NYT aristocracy refuse to admit that they got played, or in fact made any error of journalistic judgment whatsoever. They seem utterly without self-awareness.

    • Lit3Bolt

      Surprisingly, it’s crowd that’s used to “Oh, well, guess I gotta suck someone’s dick now.”

      *said in Deputy Dawg voice*

      • Hogan

        Shirley you mean Droopy?

    • howard

      I cancelled my nytimes subscription thanks to election 2016 coverage and banquet’s awful “we didn’t enable trump supporters enough” post-election comments, but unfortunately, lots of people have subscribed since.

      • Chetsky

        Heh. I thought about subscribing, but decided I could give my $$ to Propublica and MoJo instead. Would love to know other outlets who could use the $$ (I mean, in addition to upstanding blogs where I learn a lot).

        • Q.E.Dumbass

          WaPo, of course.

      • The Lorax

        I was at an Indivisible meeting where a bunch of activist types said they’d subbed after the election. I said I’d canceled because of the coverage and they looked at he like I had two heads.

        • TopsyJane

          I’m sure they did. After all, the Times runs long, boring stories about police (ab)use of SWAT teams resulting in needless humiliation, injury, and death. Who wants to pay for that kind of journalism>

          • vic rattlehead

            Yes, clearly The Lorax supports the police abuse of SWAT. Thank you for engaging in good faith!

        • TopsyJane

          After all, the Times runs long, boring stories about police (ab)use of SWAT teams resulting in needless humiliation, injury, and death. Who wants to pay for that kind of journalism?

          • humanoid.panda

            `Not sure this is sarcasm or not, but the WaPo employs Radley Balko, who had been writing on this forever, and is complaining that the Times failed to acknowledge him in their piece..

      • smott999

        I’m old enough to have cancelled over Judy Miller and Iraq Wmd

        • MyNameIsZweig

          Ditto. They never repented for that, so they never got my dollars back.

    • JKTH

      It’s infinitely worse to admit a mistake than to make a mistake.

      • Dennis Orphen

        I came for the wrong. I stayed for the doubling down on it.

    • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

      Assuming (and I know it’s an assumption) that the NYT is telling the truth about a big jump in the subscriptions since the election, I think maybe they learned from FOX that it’s very profitable to be the voice of the opposition.

      IOW, possibly throwing the election to Trump was just a good business decision on the part of the NYT. With the newspaper biz being a dying industry, they had to “think outside the box”.

      The worst of all possible worlds would be if the NYT wound up taking over the Democrats the way FOX (mostly) did with Republicans.

      • Breadbaker

        Given the theme of their ad campaigns, they’re obviously acting as though they’re entitled to these new subscribers. Of course, the Seattle Fucking Times is doing the same thing (and presumably not moving the needle at all).

      • MyNameIsZweig

        You should see the ads they’re running on bus shelters here in SF, patting themselves on the back for being Our Only Option For Truth or some such nonsense. I keep wanting to vandalize the one in front of my building, but I don’t want to martyrize them.

  • Mike in DC

    1. Ongoing investigation of Trump-Russia ties: confirmed
    2. Trump allegations of Obama interference: debunked
    3. Investigation not ending soon.
    4. Circumstantial evidence for collusion laid out in public.
    5. Republican hackery on public display.

    The political damage from this will be ongoing.

    It will be fascinating to hear the future Republican rationalizations for not voting to impeach.

    • Joe_JP

      2. Trump allegations of Obama interference: debunked

      The idea that Obama personally was wiretapping him or something was silly. But, I didn’t find it outrageous to contemplate that the Trump campaign was being investigated and at some point one of the Trump people or more than one was under some sort of surveillance, pursuant to legal procedures. And, maybe even in the process something was picked up via a call or email that was directly connected to Trump in Trump Tower.

      Don’t know if that happened but one soundbite that interested me was the wording about “physical” surveillance “in” Trump Tower. The wording seemed curious.

    • GeorgeBurnsWasRight

      The political damage from this will be ongoing.

      Oh Lord, let it be the Republicans who are damaged by this, and not just the country.


      • Dennis Orphen

        Sorry, but if i was an insurance adjuster and you were making a claim I would say the country is totaled and the damaged is not covered under your policy.

        • Rob in CT

          Property coverage: damage not caused by a covered cause of loss (windstorm, hail, lightning, etc., but not willful stupidity), thus no coverage.

          Liability coverage: damage not caused by an occurrence, which must be accidental in nature. Thus, no coverage. Also, the pollution exclusion may apply… (Trump qualifies as a pollutant, IMO: a solid, liquid, gaseous or thermal irritant or contaminant…).


          • Hogan

            We pray that a merciful Providence will deliver us from the acts of God under which we have suffered.

          • Sev

            Wait a minute. Willful stupidity is covered? I think we’re sitting pretty.

  • heckblazer

    Here’s some predictions yesterday from Lawfare:

    That is, if Comey says a lot, makes a lot of news on Russia matters, and cheers a lot of anti-Trump hearts by maximally embarassing the President for his outrageous comments on Obama’s alleged wiretapping of Trump Tower, that will very likely be a sign that Comey has relatively little to protect in terms of investigative equities in the Russia matter and is thus free to vent. Conversely, a quiet, reserved Comey—one whose contrast with the relatively loquatious FBI director who talked at length about the Clinton email matters will infuriate a lot of liberals and frustrate those who want to know what’s going on with Russia—may well spell trouble for the President.

    • Moondog von Superman

      Gotta lay the groundwork for a very thorough exoneration.

    • nemdam

      Seems like he hit a middle ground. He confirmed basic and public aspects of the investigation but was tight lipped about the specifics of the investigation.

      • humanoid.panda

        Which seems like the worst case scenario for the Trump people.

        • nemdam

          Right, and I forgot to add that a lot of the highlights from today’s briefing were from members of Congress and not The Man of Unimpeachable Integrity himself.

    • los

      I listened to some of the today’s hearing, and recall one Comey response that I interpreted as: “our policy is to not announce investigations.”

      I immediately couldn’t avoid recalling Comey’s Weiner-spurred (smokescreen?) “the FBI is reopening the Clinton mails investigation” announcement.
      28 Oct 2016 F.B.I.’s decision to reopen their criminal investigation into Hillary [Clinton]


  • So maybe Trump’s microwave was spying on him after all?

  • Pingback: Perhaps It's Time to Start Treating Self-Interested Republican Assertions With Some Measure of Skepticism - Lawyers, Guns & Money : Lawyers, Guns & Money()

  • JdLaverty

    How does any halfway respectable reporter not respond to comeys statement by asking “what makes this case different than the one involving Hillary and her emails?” Seriously I keep waiting for a fucking journalist to do some fucking journalism and ask. I suspect I’ll be waiting for, well, forever.

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