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Stone Cold Sane

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Today in the annals of #NotTheOnion, we have this column at Fox News.

Donald Trump is stone cold sane.

When a man acquires billions of dollars through complex real estate transactions, invests in many countries, goes on to phenomenal success in television and turns his name into a worldwide brand, it is very unlikely that he is mentally unstable.

When the same man obviously enjoys the love and respect of his children and his wife, who seem to rely on him for support and guidance, it is extraordinarily unlikely that he is mentally unstable.

OK, you say that other than being lies, that’s not really evidence. But what about this?

And when that very same man attracts to his team the kind of intellect and gravitas represented (to name just a few) by Secretary of Housing and Urban Development Dr. Ben Carson, Attorney General Jeff Sessions, Secretary of State Rex Tillerson and Secretary of Defense James Mattis, a retired Marine Corps general and commander of the U.S. Central Command, he cannot be mentally deranged. Period. It is a statistical impossibility.

The intellect and gravitas of Mr. “Pyramids Were Built to Store Grain” and the living embodiment of Nathan Bedford Forrest is indeed impressive. Yet, I’m not quite yet convinced that Trump cannot be mentally deranged. But this, now this is indisputable evidence!

Anecdotally, by the way, I have never had one bad Trump experience. Not one. I own several of his ties — all of them of the highest quality. I have stayed in his hotels and never had a single complaint (and I am a born complainer). I have eaten in his New York restaurant — flawless service, excellent food. I own an apartment at Trump Place in Manhattan. Impeccable design, sturdy construction, fabulous amenities. A mentally unstable man would be unlikely to deliver superior products across multiple industries, don’t you think?

SOLD! No one who produces ties can be insane, no matter if he doesn’t actually know how to wear one. This is the strongest argument I have ever heard. It’s also statistically impossible that a man who eats a taco salad can be opposed to Mexican migration!

And now the punchline:

I should note that nothing I am saying should besmirch the reputations of men like President Abraham Lincoln or Sir Winston Churchill, both of whom are said to have fought the ravages of major depression or bipolar disorder. One was instrumental in ridding America of slavery. The other was instrumental in saving the world from tyranny. Mahatma Gandhi, by the way, also reportedly suffered from depression. Psychiatric illness does not, a priori, disqualify a person from rendering extraordinary service to mankind.

Mind you, neither Lincoln nor Churchill nor Gandhi led a nation after becoming a business sensation and television star. That trifecta defines one man: President Donald J. Trump.

I got nothing.

You’d like to think that an article so piss poor, so reeking of desperation, would lead even Fox News readers to question it. But I’m probably naive.

Meanwhile, back in the real world.

Sweet mother of god…..

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