“We Have No Choice But to Take Our Grift Up the I-5”

Shorter Roger Goodell: “We worked diligently to extort the taxpayers of San Diego on behalf of a despicable billionaire, but the city would not pay the ransom, so with the greatest regret we had no choice to shoot the hostage. But rest assured we tried to loot the residents of and visitors to San Diego every way we could think of. We are sure the city of Los Angeles will be thrilled to have a second decrepit franchise nobody will care about to transform the local economy by hosting 10 games a year, not including play…OK, 10 games a year. We would also like to remind Mr. Spanos that Jeff Fisher is tanned, rested, and would not require a relocation payment.”