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The Ballad of OLDMAN CAT versus the CANDIED INSECTS

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Part One

1. I take a nice long bubble bath in an apartment empty but for me and the OLDMEN CATS

2. I sleep for eight hours alone but for me and the OLDMEN CATS

3. I awake to find half my house covered in tiny black insects carrying eggs that are neither ants nor fleas nor anything else about which the Internet knows

4. This place is weird

5. And hopefully they disappear as quickly and magically as they appeared

UPDATE: There were half as many invading insects early this morning and about a third of half by noon, so if my math’s correct they should all have un-infested my house by day’s end

Part Two

OLDMAN CAT: WANT CANDY DAMN IT

SEK: No, you don’t.

OLDMAN CAT: WANT CANDY DAMN IT

SEK: Repetition isn’t argument.

OLDMAN CAT: WANT CANDY DAMN IT

SEK: I’ll bite. What’s candy?

OLDMAN CAT: WANT CANDY DAMN IT

SEK: What KIND of candy?

OLDMAN CAT: CANDIED CEILING FANS GEOCITIES RECENTLY DRIED PAINT TURKEY

SEK: I could have sworn I was awake.

OLDMAN CAT: WANT CANDY DAMN IT

SEK: Or maybe you’re just weird.

OLDMAN CAT: CANDIED HERRING PIE SOLAR POWER SEAT RAIL THOSE INSECTS ALL OVER ALL THE WALLS

SEK: Definitely asleep — wait, what insects all over all the walls?

OLDMAN CAT: CANDIED ONES DAMN IT

SEK: Have I lost my mind, am I still asleep, or are you saying you want actual insects made of actual candy?

OLDMAN CAT: WANT CANDY DAMN IT

ALL LINKS RESOLVE AT MY FACEBOOK PAGE OR OLDMEN CATS’

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  • Oldmsn cat is very old indeed if he’s pining for Geocities.

  • King Goat

    I love these. So did the Oldman Cats interact with your insectoid invaders?

    • SEK

      He STARED AT THEM until they CONSIDERED SWARMING AWAY SORT OF.

      • King Goat

        Awesome sauce, thanks!

  • Not to cause a national panic or anything, but what else besides ants will cart their eggs around like that? Termites?

    I think you had aliens and OLDMEN CATS saved the world by eating them.

  • dm

    The internet knows everything. If you have a question about insects ask:
    http://bugguide.net/node/view/15740

  • LFC

    This post is sort of e.e. cummings meets a v. weird episode of Star Trek. (Or something.)

    • SEK

      So too is my life.

  • Calming Influence

    I think I understand what OLDMAN CAT is saying, but it’s kind of scary and it makes my head hurt. (Does anyone know the Aramaic translation for “ceiling fan”?)

  • Could anyone else see these insects?
    Just saying, too much Substance D.

    • SEK

      My nurse/caretaker could see them too, so not just in my head and/or the OLDMEN CATS’.

      • That is good. Always eliminate the Scanner-Darkly Aphid theory first.

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